Saturday, December 31, 2005

Aspiration List

Okay, I know last year, I was able to do most of my list so this year, let me also create a list. Maybe it can motivate me to do more things this 2006.

  1. Still read books for leisure

  2. Remember that my younger sister is no longer a baby

  3. Be more organized, organized, organized!

  4. Be more punctual!

  5. Stick to my thrice a week 20-lap swimming, once a week 30 min jog and thrice a week crunches

  6. Earn PhD units

  7. Publish a paper

  8. ERCIM tie up

  9. Make classes informative but exciting and fun

  10. Propose an improved Computer Literacy Program as Pagkamulat Coordinator

  11. Be responsive to calamity victims

  12. Encourage more faculty involvement in Pagkamulat

  13. Be a good Practicum coordinator

  14. Complain less :)

  15. Less topaks for my boyfriend to worry about

  16. Continue to be an active lector

  17. Become a better badminton player

  18. Join a fun run

  19. Skate again

  20. Sing more

  21. Read more, learn more

Cheers for 2005


AS I look back to the year that was, I cannot help but smile. I feel my heart become warm as I rethink the memories 2005 has given me. I can vaguely recall what I was thinking of last year but what I am sure of is that I was unprepared of what the year was to bring forth in my life.

Little did I know last year at around the same time, that I will be meeting the man of my dreams more than a month after 2005 began. I did not know that I would finally finish my dreaded masteral thesis a few months later. It was in this year I am about to bid farewell to that I experienced my major car accident when my tire exploded. More emcee jobs also came my way this year. I think it was also this year that I tried out for a newscasting job. Amazing how quickly time flies.

As I begin a brand new year, another blank canvas is before me. I have my palette of emotions, people and experiences that I will be crafting my masterpiece with. I am hopeful that this obra will be good enough to be pleasing to Him.

A short prayer

I am grateful to the Almighty for the year 2005. Thanks Lord for keeping my family safe and all my loved ones. I thank you for all the blessings You have so generously bestowed upon us. I lift up to You 2005 as an offering Lord. All of the accomplishments Lord I offer up to You as an offering may they be acceptable.Lord, I pray that 2006 will be Your year. May there be peace Lord. I also lift up to You those who were victims of calamities this 2005. I pray Lord for those who perished, grant them eternal rest Lord and let perpetual light shine upon them. I also pray for the families of those who passed away, please give them the strength to face everyday.

2005 List of Aspirations

I just discovered in my diary that I had a list of aspirations for the year 2005. This was mainly inspired by The Sims 2, the game I was so addicted to last year.

  1. Finish thesis

  2. After a grueling time, I made it and finally finished my thesis and earned my MSCS degree.
  3. Go back to the 12-lap routine

  4. I used to do a 36-lap routine and then went to a 12 lap routine after I stopped for a year and this year I began with a 12-lap routine but starting March, I went to a contant 20-lap routine. I think I'm sticking with 20.
  5. Dance

  6. Occasionally I dance.
  7. Rollerblade

  8. I was not able to do this but am planning to do so tomorrow... If I wake up early. I can't find a nice venue!
  9. Try out for YSpeak

  10. Never got to do this because I had class during auditions but I did try out for RPN 9's newscasting.
  11. Try out for Repertory

  12. Never got to do this... Not ballsy enough yet.
  13. Apply for another job

  14. Nooneenoo...
  15. Teach well

  16. I hope I was able to do this.
  17. Undergo IVLE Training

  18. I'm not sure if I am still interested. :)
  19. Still be an active lector

  20. Very active still. I love being a lector and an occasional commentator.
  21. Be a more active Caring Circle attendee

  22. I was active at the beginning of the year but after the accident, I don't get to drive a lot anymore and besides, most of the time my brother's car is in the condo and I do not want to drive his car. It's hard to go to Caring Circles if you don't have a car.
  23. Still be an LSCS adviser

  24. I still am though it was not really up to me but to the officers of LSCS.
  25. Be more organized

  26. I swear I tried for the first few months of the year but it is so difficult to be organized when everyone you share the same space with is disorganized. It's hard to go back to your old ways.
  27. Read books for leisure

  28. I have gotten back to reading this year I was able to read a few books:

    • Taming of the Shrew by William Shaespeare

    • Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

    • The Little Prince (yet again!) by Antoine de Sainte Exupery

    • Message in a Bottle by Nicholas Sparks

    • The Rescue by Nicholas Sparks

    • 99 Reasons for Being by Clare Dudman

    • White Oleander by Janet Fitch

  29. Read the bible

  30. I have my Didache and I try to read the bible as much as I can though I think I read the Bible more in 2004.
  31. Be nice

  32. I try...
  33. Don't crack under pressure

  34. Thanks a lot to my boyfriend for helping me cope with all the pressure 2005 brought!
  35. Change oil the RAV4

  36. Partly it was 'cause of the accident that I got the oil changed. Technically, it was my mom who had it done for me. *sheepish grin*
  37. Send papa an email regularly

  38. I think our correspondence is going very well.
  39. Buy your own digital camera

  40. I did not have to do this anymore since my mom bought me a Nokia 6630, it's a digital camera and a phone in one. Though I still plan to buy a digital camera in the future... Maybe a canon 20D? My boyfriend is supposed to give me lessons in photography! :)

This year... I can see how the list effectively motivated me to do things last 2005 so I might construct another list. Let me think about it first though.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Break Me, Shake Me

Breaking Ice

As I have said in my previous post, I have been spending a lot of time with my youngest sibling. She can be such a great company but she can also be difficult at times. Well, that was before, these days, she's just a darling to hang out with. I love her!

We have been raiding malls the past few days. We bought our gifts together. We even attended a toy convention together where she dressed up as Edward Elrich of Full Metal Alchemist and I dressed up as the Tomb Raider hehe... Really embarassing but it was kinda fun too. The horrible part is that my students saw me! Darn it! I hope she had as much fun as I did!

Breaking Laws

Going home from the convention, I evaded a traffic enforcer. He was asking me to pull over because I swerved. I hate driving in Ortigas! I had to swerve because I was in the third lane and I had to go to the second lane from the right. The first two lanes from the right are yellow lanes reserved for the buses and I should have swerved so I could U-turn. I was two meters from the fence when I swerved to the right and that was when an MMDA officer tried to make me stop. He exhausted his means to the point that he was really using his arm and body to stop me. I did not stop. I know. I am soh evil. I am really sorry but if they had enough signs there it would not happen. My brother also got apprehended in that same spot for occupying the yellow lane. I hate it that their solution to the problem is to have people guard the fence, when street signs can actuall do the trick. The fence by the way is not reflectorized and there are no signs prior to the fence. That fence can prove to be fatal one of these days. Maybe I should write someone a letter or maybe I could send a letter to the editor about this. I have had a classmate who died due to a car crash in EDSA. He crashed into a maldesigned flyover. He was a very promising, intelligent and terribly nice gentleman.

Breaking Colonial Mentality

Last night I saw Ako Legal Wife Mano Po 4? with my boyfriend. I am not ashamed to say that I enjoyed the film. It was really funny. There were certain parts of the film that made me reflect at how unfair the world sometimes is to women but most parts of it, I enjoyed because scenes were funny. I guess, a part of me was affected because I have always been sensitive to issues concerning women and their rights. The movie, though it banked on immorality, somehow resolved the issues in the end. Don't forget to bring an open mind.

To Let A Pigeon Fly

My 14 year old sister and I have been spending so much time together! She's the youngest in the family and so I have the tendency to treat her as though she were a helpless baby. I have come to the realization that she is becoming a woman and thus should be geared to be so. I cannot stop time and as I am but a mere mortal I have no choice but to yield and to come to my senses. She is a young woman. She can be trusted to do certain things on her own.

I have already taught her how to commute using public transportation going to St. Paul and Megamall. I have taken her to Southmall also in a bus. We have gone to Ayala by taking the LRT and the MRT. I have taught her how to iron a shirt. She can now have food delivered on her own and there are times when I can leave her alone in the condo. It is about time she learn to do things on her own.

I am the eldest, as such, my mom relied on me a lot. She expected me to grow up quickly. At the age of 12, I was able to go home from Saudi to the Philippines with my 8 year old brother in tow and a giant balikbayan box. From the NAIA, was able to manage to get a taxi to bring us to our house. In the house, we only had our maid and I was in charge of withdrawing money from the bank. I learned how to drive at the age of 11. I started driving to school at the age of 15. I started ironing my clothes at the age of 13. I started to take public transportation at the age of 13. What I do not understand though is why it is so difficult for me and for my mom to let my sister be more self-reliant. In the process, we deprive her of the lessons only experience can teach her.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Confessions of a Shopaholic

My Shopping Spree

Not really a shopaholic but I couldn't resist the drama of it.

Last Wednesday, my sister and I went to St. Paul to get the coat that she forgot. It's her costume for her cosplay event. After which, we went to Megamall. I did not have my license with me as it is in my RAV4 that is in Cavite so I could not bring my brother's RAV4. We had to ride the bus and then transfer to MRT. I could not believe my eyes when I saw the people there. We were literally just breathing on each other's necks... smelly, perspiring necks! It was a mob! After a few minutes, we got into the MRT train, fortunately, we were able to grab some seats because by the time we got to the Ayala station, it was crammed. Crammed, packed, no word can describe it! If we were all standing, our noses will already be sticking on the windows because, we were that jampacked!!!

We got to Megamall finally, getting out of the train was quite the challenge!

I got to buy a lot of clothes! My sister got to buy some stuff of her own too though she was unable to find Advent Children OST. I also met there the secretary of my father. He gave me the stuff my Papa sent us and then we gave him the polo that we bought for our Papa. We got him a size 44 Lacoste and we later found out, he's a size 41 so we have to return the polo.

We left the mall at 1030pm I think. Lo and behold, outside the mall, there was a throng of people waiting to get a taxi. I was left with no choice... I had to call my knight in shining armor. I was embarassed and all but at the time, it was my only hope what with all the shopping bags that I had with me plus my sister that I had to care for. Valiant as he is, he graciously agreed to pick us up and he did. He was simply amazing! I knew he was hungry and yet he picked us up. I love this man soh much!!!

I was unable to get him a gift as I do not know what his size was.

His Christmas Shopping
The following day, I accompanied him to buy gifts for the reunion this Christmas and for his family members! I had fun finding the clothes for the girls in his family! I love him soh much for trusting me in picking things out for him! Of course, these are all subject to his approval!

After shopping we went to see King Kong.

I felt bad that I had to interrupt our shopping by having to go back to La Salle to enroll... It was most annoying but I was left with no choice. The changes were so sudden that no one knew about it. Sometimes the registrar's office is so difficult to understand.

That day was so fun!

When he took me home, he surprised me with his gift!

I was caught by surprise because I thought he did not have a gift for me yet, which was okay because I had no gift for him yet either. I had no time to buy it yet. I wanted to buy it with him because I wanted his exact size.

My Christmas Shopping
I wanted to surprise him and so before he went to La Union, I wanted to give him a gift. So with my sister in tow (She wanted to come along to look for the Advent Children OST yet again) I went to Southmall. I bought him long sleeves from Arrow and a Parker pen. I wanted to engrave it with my name so they know he's taken at Headstrong haha :)) but that would be soh freaky! :D

He met us there and insisted that he take us home because riding the bus would be difficult already. I knew I should not have taken the ride but how can I pass up on a chance to spend more time with this guy before he leaves for La Union for three long days? After he gets back, he will be very busy too because of the turnover... I will miss him but that's okay... Knowing I have him in my life is more than enough!

I love you baby!!!

The Gift

Last Thrusday after watching King Kong, he drove me to the unit, and then while at the door, asked for a glass of water. I turned my back and got him some water. He drank the water, thanked me and prepared to leave. My eye caught a glance of a gift wrapped in a fancy paper with fancy ribbons. I wondered for a while who my brother was giving the gift to.

I turned to find my keys to the door and also to check if my boyfriend has left anything behind. The minute I turned to face him again, the gift was right before me! It was actually for me!

It came with a little card that says,

My everdearest baby,

It's so nice to spend the holidays today knowing that it wouldn't be so cold and lonely as before, knowing that I have you in my life.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I cried.

He says maybe it was just an after effect of King Kong, but I know in my heart that I cried because it touched me deeply that my presence in his life makes a difference.

For three days, I have been dying to know what is inside the box. There are times when it looks like a mug. My younger sister, went to great lenths as to measure the box against a mug. I had so much fun looking forward to what the gift's content was. He instructed me to wait 'til the clock strikes 12 on the 25th.

And so the clock finally struck 12.

I opened the gift, slowly, relishing the fact that I am finally opening the mystery gift that has so intrigued my mother and sister they have wanted to rip the wrapper open themselves.

I finally opened it.

DKNY... I didn't know DKNY made mugs hehe...

The box revealed a white box and the white box then revealed a silver watch. Darn! I should have taken a picture of the wrapped gift. That escaped me again!!!

The silver watch has long been something that I have been wanting to get since he gave me my silver ring because my Gucci gold watch does not match the ring. I have not gotten around to buying one because for one, the watches are expensive he he... Glad he gave me one because his taste is impeccable.

Thank you baby for the watch. Thanks for bothering to adjust the time for me. Thank you for taking forever to think of what gift to give me. But most of all, thank you for being you. Thank you for the gift of yourself to me. Thank you for sharing your dreams, frustrations, hopes, dreams, victories and so much more to me.

I look forward to more Christmases with you in my life.

I love you!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Night Before Christmas

It's almost Christmas Eve and though I am not in La Union with my beau, I cannot help but smile to myself. I was invited to go there several times and that is enough to warm my heart. Of course a part of me wishes I could be with him physically, but it's enough to have him in my life. He is my early Christmas present. In fact, yesterday, marks the first year after my friend's mom mentioned his name to me and told me what a wonderful man he is and that we would probably click if we were introduced to one another. It marks the day when he texted me, I never texted back adnd that was the end of it. Until after two months when we were introduced in February through a Yahoo Messenger conference. The rest is love story.

After he came into my life, everyday has been filled with surprises, everyday has become a crisp Christmas morn and it is everyday that I feel like a bright-eyed child receiving a Christmas present.

To the Eternal Gift Giver, I am forever grateful.

King Kong-quering the Screens

My beau and I saw King Kong last Thursday and I thought it was going to be some cheesy flick but Peter Jackson surprised me by how he presented the story. I liked how he would plug in metaphor every now and then to spice things up a little.

The movie has presented a timeless irony of how a man can be the monster and how a monster can be more humane. The film presented the best and the worst in the complicated workings of the human brain. The movie portrayed risks as opportunities for growth. I can't help but agree, I have always been a fan of pushing the envelope farther everytime. It allows struggle but growth in the process. I think it was my father that imparted me that lesson.

King Kong is a great flick, if you have the time, see it. It's not a disappointment from the Lord of the Rings director. Of course, I could not help but hear the background of LOTR in teh background... tan tan tan tananan tananan tananan tananan... Sorry could not help but indulge. :)

Friday, December 16, 2005

On the First Day of Simbang Gabi

Simbang Gabi is a Filipino tradition that began when the Spaniards conquered the archipelago to encourage Filipinos to hear mass. Though it has been in the Philippines for centuries now, I only began hearing masses at dawn last year. I was lacking three masses last year I think, and this year, I want to be able to complete it.

I was the first reader of the first simbang gabi this year at DLSU. I had to wake up at half past four in the morning. Lucky me, I live nearby. It will be harder next week though, when there will no longer be a simbang gabi at DLSU and I will have to catch the half past four mass at San Isidro. Oh my. I really do hope my will power is stronger than my urge to sleep!

Last year, I did not make a wish... I was not able to complete the nine masses at dawn but nonetheless, the Lord gave me a gift. Theoretically, I got the gift on December 23, but it technically arrived around late February of last year... February 26 to be exact. I am glad I got the gift I did not ask for but it was what I wanted and needed. Why did I not ask for it? Because everytime I do... I never really get it. I get some imitation, never good enough to equal or even rival the authentic. This year, I did not ask for it anymore, but I got it anyway. This time, I believe, it's the authentic one. The one that is really for me. The one I never thought would come my way in this lifetime. I love this gift and shall cherish it all my life.


I have a pending date later tonight! Yuppeee!!! I miss my baby soh much! He is soh busy these days what with the turnover documents that he has to furnish...

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Beyond a Merry Christmas Party

Last night I attended yet another Christmas party but by far, last night was the most fun party I have been to.

There was great food cooked by the mom of my boyfriend's boss.

There were games and thus, roaring laughter.

There were bloopers, unthinkable and wacky enough it can qualify for the Funniest Videos finals.

There were song numbers and disturbing dance numbers!

There were tears also since my boyfriend's boss, my boyfriend and our common friend are leaving the company this month. This is such a great loss for their team. Only one person will shoulder everything that will be left. I pray that he'll be able to overcome these challenges.

The best moment for me though was when the mic was passed on to my baby and he started singing...

You give me hope
The strength the will to keep on

And when he got to the chorus part his boss handed him a flower vase with yellow flowers. He then started to walk my way...

It's your smile
Your face your lips that I miss

He knelt on one knee as he sang and handed me the vase. It cracked everyone up! It cracked me up but more than that, I was blushing and my stomach started flipping... I was ecstatic and shocked out of my wits because I never thought he could do something like that in front of soh many people. I was so glad he's in my life. I don't think anyone has ever done to me something as sweet and as cute as that.

I love you baby in spite and despite of my tililings!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Sleepless and Unsettled

It's 4 in the morning.

Woke up at 3 and I have been staring at the ceiling since then.

Wondering and asking if my heart has lied once more. Has my heart played a trick on me? Or is it my head fooling me?

Stop pulling on my heartstrings as though it were to be tugged on whenever you please. As all parts of the human anatomy, it is subject to evolution. In time it gets calloused, rough and unfeeling. Often times, it decides on its own without consultation without hesitation.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Two Weddings and a Party

Last Christmas, December 23, 2004 to be exact, I attended a wedding of a friend. I did not have a boyfriend then and I really was not looking for one. I was just contented with the kind of life I led. I was not closing my door to the possibility that one day true love may knock but I was not waiting by the window for my prince either. Let's just say, I was happily single.

I was.

And then I caught the bouquet... Not really caught it. I picked it up because the throw was not very successful but the mom of the bride insisted that picking it up is the same as catching it. They say that if you catch the bouquet you're next in line to tie the knot. Sure, I did not even have a boyfriend. All my other friends were happily attached at that time by the way.

On the way home, the mom of my friend mentioned a name of a guy. She wanted to introduce us. I looked outside the window of the moving car, beyond the horizon was a glint of hope. Who knows... he can be the one. My quiet contemplation was interrupted by my friend driving the car, "He's leaving for the States two days from now.". Talk about bursting my bubble.

This Saturday, I spent the entire day with that guy whose name is now carved deeply in my heart. Things happened the way it would in a movie. I don't know how, but I guess the best director of all time should never be questioned. He is simply amazing. He made things possible for us and now we're together 24/7 under the sun. Haha! I know I'm beginning to sound like the TelCo commercials. :)

Last December 10, I attended yet another wedding. I ddi not catch the bouquet, but this time I have a boyfriend. A perfect one at that. I also had my friend with me, the one who was used to lead me to the man of my dreams. I am glad that I was with him. It was quite an experience to witness the exchange of vows with my boyfriend though most of the time, he was taking pictures. :)

After the wedding, he asked if we could go out after. So we dropped off his officemate, and our common friend and then we had coffee. He took more pictures of course.

We crashed at a party of Caltex coz that's where his youngest sister works. She was so nice, she asked us to come in. Their party was jumping, there was a live band and there were a lot of people dancing... Wanted to dance too but I restrained my self.

I had a great time hanging out with him and truly I am blessed to have him in my life. Every moment spent with him is a gift so rare and precious.

I love you baby!

I am glad that we found one another and recognized the love when our gaze met.

 Taken from the night before... We ate dinner and then saw The FogPosted by Picasa

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Touch Down

So this is how it feels after a flight
To have your toes touch the ground once more
To have to carry your weight again
To be mindful of the roughness of the dry soil
Touching the skin under my foot
Getting in between my toes
Creeping in my toenails
So this is how it feels
To be grounded
And not in flight

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Sand Storm

The rough sandy wind is rustling, calling my name, drawing me in.
It gets louder and louder, tempting me, seducing me.
Will the magic carpet swoop me away and carry me to the land of golden grains?
Where will I find myself after this cloud of dust surrounds me?

Seventh Heaven

The other day we have hit our seventh month!

The celebration was just at our unit, I just had Yellow Cab delivered because he got out of work late already. He has been very busy lately, he's got a lot of deadlines plus the nearing turnover has also added to his workload. He's moving on to another company you see. He got to the unit quarter to twelve I think. He really just wanted to make it to our celebration.

I, as always crammed so I can come up with something. This month, he was too busy to get me a gift plus, I don't think he has enough funds for a gift too, what with all the blowouts during his birthday week but the card made me cry. Not 'coz I did not get a gift but coz, the words touched me deeply.

Baby, thanks for the seven months of seventh heaven!

I love you!

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Aspects of Love

2000 at the Republic of Malate Theater
after 3 hours of videoke at Music 21

The theater reminded me of the theaters during the time of William Shakespeare as portrayed in the movie Shakespeare in love. The theater was very small, it was slightly bigger than two classrooms combined... but never mind how the theater looked, it was made classy by the ambiance and the people who attended... but never mind that either. Those things are but superficial what mattered was the actual experience of the musical and how it brought us to journey with Rose, Alex, George, Giulietta and Jenny. The five characters whose love life seemed to be entangled in some sick twist. This might easily have been the inspiration of all those teen shows like Melrose Place, The O.C., Dawson's Creek and the list goes on.

The musical had a very mature topic and I am really grateful that I did not bring my little sister. Besides, the music might not be upbeat enough for her.

I shall no longer discuss how the story went for that may be looked up on the net. I shall no longer rave about how great Monique Wilson was in her role because that is to be expected. I shall not comment about how tireless and extremely talented the pianists were. I will refrain from stating the obvious that is the Filipinos are truly excellent and brimming with talent in the arts. Instead, allow me to state some things that played on my mind as I saw the musical.

Love changes everything

It changes the way you look at life and the way you live. It can mess up your world and from that moment you know it will never be the same. It can change your life, both for the good and bad. Love makes a fool of everyone and sometimes if you are lucky being a fool can make you wise.

Not so many are lucky though...

Seeing is Believing

Though hearing the sweetest of words can make one's feet leave the solid ground, there is nothing compared to the hard truth and reality of somebody's actions.

Take a Risk, Take a Ride
Sure, loving is about taking risks but there are times when the ride is well-worth it. Sometimes you don't necessarily end up where you want to go but the ride in itself can be its own reward.

There's More To Love
I think the reason why we never grow tired of discussing love is because it is beyond all of us. There is more to love than we could ever fathom as mere mortals but to just experience part of the whole, can already be unforgettable.

Love Knows No Boundaries
Love does not see age, race, face... it can only see nothing. It is how one would want to paint it.

Love has been good to me these past few months and I pray that it will continue to be good to me. As the song goes:

If you reach
For the moon,
If you aim
For the stars,
Then the moon
And the sky,
Can be yours --
Come on and try!

There's a prize
To be won
Take a risk,
Take a ride,
Right this way,
Have a go,
Try your luck --<
And step inside!

-Aspects of Love

Colossal Christmas Party

Every little thing he does is magic
Every little thing just turns me on

This song crept into my dream and suddenly jolted me into consciousness... I have a phone call. I did not have to look at my LCD to know who it was, as that ring tone is dedicated to one person. I groggily, but cheerfully answered the phone, "Hello! Gumorning! You're up early.". And it was at that moment that it dawned on me... He was going to pick me up at half past eight this morning to go the Amkor's christmas party with his sisters. Panic striken, I hurriedly gathered my stuff, and took a hurried bath. I thought of not going anymore but he insisted that I still go. After the quick bath, I got dressed quicker than I thought I would. It was just last night when I could not make up my mind what to wear. This morning, I was able to figure out right away!

A few minutes later I found myself in the car with his sisters. I feel more comfortable around them already, they are both really nice. I was very excited as this was the first time I was going to a company christmas party held at, believe it or not... Araneta Coliseum! (Trivia: I just found out that there are two ways to spell this Coliseum and Colosseum... cool) I didn't think it was for real until I got there... The mass was not until 12noon but at half past nine, already, there were people there, lots of them! That might even be an understatement.

 Posted by Picasa

I had so much fun being with my baby and watching MYMP, Toni Gonzaga, Iya Vilania, and Martin Nievera. They all performed very well! Especially Martin, who really made us laugh! Though his first few songs were rather ancient, some of the songs I have never even heard 'til this afternoon! Oh and yeah, before I forget, Jon Santos also did an impersonation of Kris Aquino! He did great, I laughed so hard!

All in all, the experience was a wonderful one. Having been able to share it with my baby made it all the more significant.

There were some moments in the show when he'd just hold me and I would close my eyes and thank the Lord for giving him to me. Some moments I would just stare at him in awe of how beautiful he is. I really thank the Lord for giving him to me. I love him with all my heart. I love him in a way I never thought I could.


He looks especially cute when he's taking pictures with his Nikon D70S :D

Friday, December 02, 2005


 Posted by Picasa

All week, I have been tossing and turning wondering what gift to give him, wondering how I can make his birthday special and memorable for him. I wanted to make him feel really special 'coz after all that is how he is to me. Extraordinarily special!

I've decided on a gift that I was sure he would be thrilled to have because for months now, every time we went to the mall he would ogle at this piece of work. He would marvel at it for a few minutes like a little boy wanting a puppy would.

His birthday is December 1 but on November 30 I found myself on a bus to Filinvest. We spoke on the phone and already I asked him if he could pick me up later that night. I was supposed to be in Makati but I did not know how to squeeze in my shopping time in my schedule...

Sorry Lord, I promise to make it up to you. It was supposed to be a group reading about the gospel for this coming Sunday. I will read it in advance Lord to make it up to you.

Going back...

He had no idea I was going to go to Filinvest besides he was busy playing bowling. I was at the Filinvest mall, good thing I made it there before the mall closed. I purchased the much contemplated gift and bought a quick-wrap at Shopwise. I was so pressed for time that I wrote the message on my card as I was in line. I bought the card days ago... It took me forever to choose a card. I always take forever when choosing a card. I want something that says exactly how I feel or at least says what is closest to how I feel.

When I arrived at the lanes, it was his turn. After his turn he went back to his seat. A female teammate called for him but he waved and just kept on going. The female teammate called again but he just did the very same thing. The female friend, now a bit anxious called him again and told him I was there... Much to my delight he was very surprised! Finally, I was able to surprise him!!!

It thrilled me so much that it didn't matter that his game that night was not going very well.

He kept on peeking into the wrapped gift but I didn't want to show him yet. It was after all, officially not his birthday yet. He kept on making guesses though his first guess was right according to him it was wild one and he wasn't really expecting that that was the gift. I told him they wre a bunch of neckties hehe... I wish I could have caught his expression on video. He looked so disappointed and desperately trying to hide it.

He finally got to open the gift a few minutes after twelve, when we got the condo. He was so surprised. Maybe he was happy but I was surely ecstatic... I know now that giving indeed is better than receiving. I felt like it was my birthday instead of his. We spent the eve of his birthday together! Cool!!!

The following night, we celebrated his birthday at Friday's. I had people sing him a birthday song. There were only two of us and I just realized that there were also just the two of us when I had my birthday. He did not have a clue that it was my birthday then though. But that birthday I remember was such a great one!

We ate so much last night. It was quite a feast for both of us. He also brought his new Nikon D70S and took lots of pictures of me. Darn my eyes are so sensitive to the flash... I think I ruined every picture!

The waiter, Mico, if you're at T.G.I.F. Glorieta you might want to look for him 'coz he's really okay, he even got us a Gold Card for free!!!

All in all, the birthday of my baby was soh fun, it could have been my birthday yesterday for all I care because I had fun, maybe more fun than he had.

I love you baby!
Happy birthday!

I'm so glad we found each other and that we recognized love the instant our eyes met.

Let's celebrate more birthdays of yours together, okay?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tagaytay Weekend Blast

Tagaytay has always been a romantic place but it has not been as beautiful as it was this weekend.

We left Manila at half past six in the evening and made our way to Las Pinas so he can pack. We had dinner there. Manang graciously offered us dinner. After dinner... it took him an hour to get his stuff packed after which we hailed a tricycle, our first ride together... it was cozy in the tricycle hehe :) another kilig moment for me! I find the kilig moments in the weirdest of places!

We alighted at Cecile's BF and waited for the rest of the people at Grazelle's. *** was going to drive the van of a female badminton friend. There was another Vitara and a Honda car. We all went up to Tagaytay all excited about the weekend! His friends were all nice to me in fact, there was never a moment that I felt out of place. Every moment was just pure, sheer fun! They were all very accommodating!

The moment we got there, somebody already set up the Magic Sing and we sang the 'til three a.m.! We had to wake up at five in the morning but I ended up waking up at six in the morning. The water was not that cold since am used to taking a shower without heater. In a few moments and a breakfast later, we were all crammed in one van and were on our way to Taal!!! It was such a fun ride because we were all in the van and all excited to go see the crater!

We met a manong along the way who charged us 3,500 for the boat going to the island. I think he also charged 600 for the tour. We all had a grand time going to the island. We were taking pictures here and there... Super trip!!!

When we got to the island, it was a typical province, the smell of horses and pigs and their manure were in the air. A horse going to the crater costs 600 which was too much if you ask us so we all agreed to just walk. And what a fun, tiring walk it was. It was a 4km hike to the crater and another 4km hike going down. It was hard because there were horse poops everywhere plus there were some horses that you had to dodge on the way up. We were actually lucky because there weren't so much horse traffic on our way up because as we were going down, more and more horses were going up because the Korean tourists were on their way up.

If you are planning to go there, I suggest you hike so you can appreciate the view more and you can even touch the craters too! Plus you get to bond with your friends more. Just don't forget to put on sunblock, wear hiking shoes or sandals, wear comfortable shoes and bring water! Don't forget a fully charged digital camera because the view going up is breathtaking! The view from the top is remarkable! Really! Every step was definitely worth the view!!! Of course it helped that my baby was with me and our first kiss on the mountain top definitely topped the highlights of the weekend!

Our tour guide was rather enthusiastic and even brought us to a cliff... He was overly enthusiastic that I later on found the love of my life, my soulmate, the one that I have waited for years and years before I met at the edge of the cliff. My stomach churned and flipped and somersaulted... I realized then and there that if something happens to him, I literally would not know what I would do. There is nobody who can ever take his place in my heart. He is precious and I don't think he knows that. At that moment I just had to clench my fist and pray that he will be kept safe. Thank you Lord for looking after him.

A few minutes later, we found ourselves in the boat again filthy as we could be! :)

We went back to Tagaytay and had lunch at Leslie's where his two female friends gave their birthday blowout. Yum!!! After lunch, we went back to the house and got our badminton, tennis, and swim gear. Yup, all those activities during that same day at Tagaytay Royale! My baby and I got to swim together for the first time in the pool!!!

I had fun with his friends in the pool too!

After swimming, we had dinner at Bag of Beans and then after which we all had some drinks at Starbucks where we had another chat.

After that, it was time for bed again and then in the morning we found our way back to LP.

You'd think the day ends there huh?

Not yet. Not with my Energizer hunny!!!

We heard mass in Makati and saw Harry Potter. Yup I did. I saw Harry Potter with him. It was not as horrible as I thought it would be but some parts were rather dragging... We had dinner before Harry Potter and then had some ice cream after the movie... A full weekend it was for me!!!

Thanks baby!!!

Thanks mom for letting me go!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Arabian Nights

Oh I come from a land from a far away place it's barbaric but hey... it's home.
Come on by, step on by, hop a carpet and fly, to another Arabian night...

Perhaps this will pass... perhaps it won't. All I know is that if a carpet flies by me I'd definitely hop on and experience that Arabian night once more.

Monday, November 21, 2005

A Case of Melancholia

I have been melancholic lately. I would love to say it's for an unknown reason and end this post right here but then I'd be lying to myself and in the end, I would not be helping myself at all.

I am sad because I do not seem to appreciate things happening around me. Lately, my glass is not half-full but half-empty. I see the pot holes and not the magnificent flower beds by my road. I get easily disappointed when I have so much to be grateful for. But that's all over because today, I will not be melancholic. I will not march through this day like a hollow zombie. I want to taste every crumb of my cake today.

Things I am grateful for:

  • My wonderful and patient boyfriend who puts up with my topaks

  • My family

  • The Lord who has never forsaken me

  • All the firsts that we have shared together

    • LRT ride

    • Gateway movie

    • Tukneneng & Penoy

    • Prayer meeting

    • ...and soh much more

  • For the promise of another tomorrow!

  • Thank you baby for putting up with my erratic mood swings. Please remember that I do love you. My topaks have nothing to do with you, it's mainly with me and my unidentified mental disorder.

  • My job

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Love Will Always Win

Yesterday, for our sixth month together, we opted to ride the MRT going to Gateway. It was my idea (though he claims he was thinking of it already way before I came up with it), what with the gas price hiking up like mercury in a thermometer placed in a pot of boiling magma, I could not expect him to drive so far with his car when there's a cheaper, more interesting and if you ask me, romantic way to go to where we want. We have never taken the MRT together and I saw this as a chance to go. I think it's romantic to ride the train with the man of my dreams making sure that I am safe.

On our way to the MRT ticket booth, we passed by a tukneneng shop called Balut Eggspress. I have always been fond of those quail eggs wrapped in orange batter. I pointed thme out and perhaps, seeing the longing in my eyes, he asked if I wanted some.

I had my fill of tuknenengs with vinegar and a glass of black gulaman when my attention was called by an article about how the owner got the place started. Something that I have noticed about myself, I do not bother much about the details. And so, as I read the article with my beau feeding me Penoy with orange batter I understood from skimming that they were not welcomed by the malls and so they had to settle with MRT stations.

Later that evening, on our way home in his car, we were discussing the stand and we could not agree among ourselves which it is really:

Alam mo naman kung 'di ka sikat di ka papansinin ng mga malls


Alam mo naman kung 'di ka sikat di ka papansinin sa mga malls

We ended up betting. My idea, since I was hell-bent sure taht I'm absolutely right. I remember the article discussing how malls won't welcome them. The wager: Another date to the Globe Platinum Cinema at Gateway and dinner. If he won I would have to pay up for the date otherwise he would have to pay again. You see, that night was our first time at Gateway adn we both enjoyed the luxurious La-Z Boy seats in the cinema while watching The Legend of Zorro. It would have been more enjoyable though if we were side by side one another instead of having a round table between us. In spite the table, we held each other's hands. We had dinner at Teriyaki Boy.

Who won?

We had our prayer meeting and mass at the AFP theater last Sunday at 10:30am. We had to wake up at 7am and then we took the LRT and MRT as agreed upon by a female co-faculty and the rest of us. The talk was great and even better it was because my baby was with me. I like it when we attend prayer meetings together.

On the way home, though exhausted, we passed by the Ayala MRT station and checked out the stand. And there, as clear as a Swarovski crystal can be, I was right.

Surprisingly though, I did not do a dance of joy. I did not gloat to my heart's content. Instead, a part of me felt bad that he lost. Then it hit me. It did not matter anymore who won or lost. It was not about winning for me anymore. This was a first for me because I am not the kind who will let up. I will gloat on end when I know I am right. But I did not. I might have been too tired but deep inside, the yearn to celebrate was not there at all but a feeling of satisfaction that what I said was right. More than that though, I have proven to myself that I do love this man and even my ego agrees.

I love you baby!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

It All Started with An E-mail

I got an email last night saying that I should text back.

I was frantic when I saw the message. I was invited to go the following morning at 8am! Oh my! I texted to see if I could still confirm. I was able to. Then it dawned on me, I have nothing to wear. I got all my outfits out. Nothing seemed to be good enough. I packed them anyway.

The following morning, I woke up early. Half awake and half asleep I found my way to a gay bar called The Government in Makati Avenue.

Believe it or not, I got to the place at quarter to eight in the morning and got to go home, fifteen minutes past six in the evening.

I heard mass after.

No I have not decided finally, that I am gay.

And no, I was not there to pick up a gay person.

Definitely no, I did not pick up a macho dancer.

I went to my first ever T.V. shoot as an extra!!! I got a photo shoot too where I was not an extra. I hope they don't cut it out of the segment.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Power to Hurt

Last Sunday, he was going to drop by the unit after he drives his parents to the terminal however, my mom and my sis were still at the condo and so he chose not to drop by anymore. I understood that it was already late at night and my mom would probably not love him for dropping by at that time of night. Yeah, my brain understood but not my cheating emotions that knows no logic. I was disappointed. Very disappointed.

I guess I was not only disappointed. At the back of my mind, I was still wondering about the argument that we had last Wednesday. I was wondering if he took my negative reaction to heart. I was wondering if I tarnished our perfect relationship. I was wondering if I have blown everything again.

I have blown it alright... I have blown it out of proportions.

Sunday night, I was soh depressed that I cried. Come Monday, a colleague approached me asking if I cried. Yup!!! My eyes were that swollen. I did not want to keep it inside that Sunday night and so I talked to *** and informed him of my apprehensions. He did tell me before of wanting transparency. I did not understand why I was being such a baby about the whole thing myself... I bet he was beginning to think I was a psycho from a mental institution.

He patiently explained to me that he was not at all bothered by the discussion that we had last Wednesday. He assured me that my weight has not changed anything between us, in fact he does not think I was fat. Yes. I told him about that too. I mean if I wanted to bring things into the open, I might as well bring that up. I love him for patiently answering my questions, for lovingly assuring me and for doing it over and over again until finally I felt better. We both slept at 3am.

I know I was unreasonable but I was really depressed. It was a major PMS if you ask me.

Monday night, I was soh sad again but I did not want to bother him anymore. I thought he needed his sleep but I cried again that night. I slept with Proxy, the bear he gave me. Though my mom has instructed me not to hug that bear anymore, I knew I would go crazy if I did not hug that bear that night. I really missed him.

Tuesday night he said he was going to visit me and he did, but it took him a long time before he did and I almost thought he wasn't going to come anymore. I understand that he had a lot of work at the office and given the long weekends, he's got to finish a lot of deadlines but I guess my brain just refuses to understand when I have hormonal imbalance.

He texted me:

Sorry baby, something came up.

I felt myself grow cold with anger and disappointment. I already had food delivered and I really waited for him. I hate waiting, especially if I am doubting if the person is really going to show up.

He texted again:

ME! Please open the door, I am already here.

And he was.

I should have been joyous but I was not.

I was disappointed that he did not even text me when I have asked several times whether he was coming or not.

I got hurt because he knew how much I was wanting to see me and I felt he exploited that feeling.

Or is it my fear of getting hurt kicking in. I love him soh much and I know that gives him the power to hurt me.

He confessed that he wanted it to be a pleasant surprise.

I was too fragile for it I guess.

I cried again last night. Arrgghh!!! I have become the girl I have always loathed.

He was very amiable that night and he really explained to me again, so lovingly that he would never say he'd be there when he's not going to make it. He also emphasized that he has never disappointed me in any way and that I should never have doubted him. Nonetheless I cried and I was also as cold as could be for quite some time. He was awfully sweet that I finally melted in his arms. It was sweet making up too!

I love him. I do. So why do I punish him so?

I feel better tonight. Maybe because I got to see him last night. Maybe because I was soh busy tonight to even worry.

I have to trust what we have.

Thank you for being strong baby.

Lord Of War

The conscience is a good man's gift and an evil man's curse.

It rewards you with peace if you know you do what is right.

It torments you on end if you know what you do is wrong.

The conscience can haunt you, even the Lord of War.
You never go to war against yourself because it's a war you'll never win.-Yuri Oslov

Because that is your conscience built against the rock solid foundation for morality and values. Your superego.

He sold weapons, first to gangs, then to countries. Countries used his weapons against each other. In every war, he was always the sure winner.

Was he really?

He lost his wife and son, they left him after his wife found out about his deals.
He lost his parents.
He literally lost his brother.
All he ever had left in the end? His money and his weapons.

He never went to war against himself... so he never won.

I went to his bowling tournament. I got to play but I did horribly... I really must work on my bowling skills.

After which we went to Greenbelt 3 to see a movie.

Knowing Where Your Place Is

Last Thursday I lost my ring...

The night before, I got upset by his constant joke of turning me into a housewife cleaning and cooking after him. Blech!!! Most nights I would just laugh about it but that night I could not just let it go... The wheels in my head began to turn, what if he jokes with the intent to condition my mind that someday I will eventually turn into that housewife?! It was just simply unacceptable in my feminist mind. Feminist as in not going for equality but rather world domination bwahaha!!! *sinister laugh* Just kidding!!!

Actually, I would not really mind cooking and cleaning after my future husband however, I would not want him to have me do it all the time and I would definitely not want him to be lying on the couch watching me do back breaking chores.

After the conversation, though we have talked it over and he finally convinced me that he was just really kidding and that he would never dream of turning me into his personal slave, I was still upset. It takes me a while to get over things.

I washed my face and cleaned up. I took off my ring and fell asleep. I normally sleep with my ring on, but that night I thought I'd sleep without it to free my mind of the discussion that we had earlier.

Morning came and as I went to my class I noticed the ring he gave me on our first month was not where it should be. I shrugged since I would be late if I came back for it still.

Later in the afternoon, I went to my unit to get my swim gear. I still did not wear my ring because I was going to swim and I do not want it to corrode.

That evening, I realized it was missing and he was coming over!!! I was so upset. I was looking for it in the usual places where it should be and it was not there. I was close to tears when he got to the unit. He did not get upset when he realized I lost it, while helping me look for it he comforted me that he could always get a new one. I told him I did not want a new one. A new one will never fit as perfectly as what I have lost does in my finger. It will never be able to replace that warm feeling I get when I look at it. Already, I was missing the feeling of having it in my ring finger. After probably more than an hour of searching, I said a quiet prayer and decided to check my bed. Lo and behold! There lay my missing ring!!! How it got there, I really do not know! I never take my ring off in bed. But it was there and I could not care less how it got there. I was just too happy to find it.

There are times when little problems, tend to make us brush something so important aside. Losing my ring made me realize that I should never take what we have for granted because no matter how young the relationship is, it has become a very big part of me. Though I can always enter into another one, it will never feel the same way as I do in this relationship. Quietly, I vowed to always mind where I place my ring and my relationship. My ring in my jewelry box and my relationship in my heart.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

So Happy Together

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For the past three Saturdays, my little sister, *** and me have been going out together. *** and I try to cheer her up 'coz she's going through a lot in school lately.

I think she had a blast last Sunday because there was a mallwide sale at Megamall and the moment she got there she went to Comic Alley to go on an anime shopping spree! I have not had anything at all when I left the house because I swam first and then by the time I got to the unit, *** was almost there already and my sister was eager to leave. I only got to have my lunch around 4pm!

We had lunch at Sukhothai. The food there is great, I really recommend it plus the food there is not that pricey! The most fun part of lunch was when we finished the Chicken Satay and we started using the sticks as Pick Up Sticks. To those not familiar with the game, the sticks are scattered by bundling the sticks with one hand and letting the sticks go such that they are spread on the table. The object of the game is to get all the sticks without moving the other sticks. I could tell, *** and my sister are getting along well... very well!

After semi-dinner, we went bowling. Surprisingly, my sister played really well. I still suck but at least I got a 50+ and a 60+! Yahoo... my average score is 30! :D

After bowling, we had DQ dipped cones, while *** had a mudpie Blizzard. While still eating, we went inside Cinnabon to eat some more!!! Talk about pigging out!

We all went home at around 12 midnight already. There was a midnight sale and so we got to stay at the mall longer than usual!

It was a great day! My two favorite people, laughing and having fun together! I wish I caught everything on video!!!

Friday Fahtty!!!

Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo was really great! It was soh funny, I think we laughed from beginning to end with very short, negligible pauses to breathe! We saw the movie last Friday.

I felt so fat that day I swear! That's why, instead of writing about our date, I wrote some nonsense in my entry. I really felt ugly, I swear. And the weirdest thing? I thought he felt the same way and of course that only made me feel worse. He might have just realized that he has a psycho for a girlfriend when I told him about how I felt the following day but then again, maybe he has known this all along. I even called him up at two in the morning I think, just to say nothing. I was just too sad and he was too sleepy to talk a whole lot. All he could muster was some groggy 'i love you's' and some 'let's get some more sleep'. Normally, I would not think of waking him up in the middle of the night, but I was just soh sad. Usually calling him up cheers me up but at that moment, it hardly even helped. I was still sad. So I blogged away.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Badminton Birthday

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I got to go to the birthday party of Vince's friend's girlfriend. It was a badminton tournament party. I have not played for a year already but Vince and I had a game of our own during the break. i realized that it is a fun sport and yes, I would want to play again. In fact, I plan to get my own racket soon!!! I got to be a line man and he got to be a line man and sometimes the umpire. It was my first time to see him play. He was pretty good!!! We were together the whole day!

Vince's friend took care of the logistics of the tournament. He looked so stressed, that if you ask me, I don't think he enjoyed at all. It was sweet of him to do it though. I can see that he loves his girlfriend very much. If I were the girlfriend though, I do not think I'd enjoy such party because seeing my boyfriend enjoy my party with me would be better.

The party started at 10 am and we left at around 7pm (yup the party wasn't over yet at this time). We had to leave to catch the mass at San Isidro. We both got super excited about the return of the Twister Fries and so we ate at McDo.

My mom was nice to him when we got home. She even offered him Domino's Pizza. Hmm... I hope they'd get back to how they used to be.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Lay Bare Your Heart for My Wall

Gabby Barredo's Exhibit Posted by Picasa

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Gabriel Barredo launched his art exhibit yesterday at the Ayala Museum. ***'s family was invited because Gabby is a family friend. *** then asked me to tag along. It was a different kind of experience. The art pieces there were spectacular. They conjured thoughts in our playful minds. The pieces were mainly made from metal scrap... Though if you really do not look hard enough, they are not scrap at all... Most pieces were of the human body. I cannot upload the pictures now but perhaps in my next post I can show you some of the pieces. There were some pieces that were mechanical which I think appealed to the engineer in ***. He was asking questions like, how does this piece work, how do the gears make it work, where is the power coming from. I was for a moment afraid he might take them apart hehe... I can imagine my father doing the very same thing.

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It was a good learning experience for me. It somehow cleared my mind for a while, the music produced by some of the mechanical pieces played in my ear and soothed my thoughts... for a while at least. Yesterday night, Gabriel Barredo bore his mind, soul and heart to his guests. Some people took the time to understand them, some just passed them by, some disregarded the pieces of confession of thoughts and ideals as another artwork but in the end, it does not matter what other people think. He crafted with his hands his dreams, emotions, feelings and frustrations and to be able to do that, for me, is an accomplishment and a reward on its own. The joy,I wonder, to be able to touch your feelings, to literally hang your dreams on a wall and to melt and mold your frustrations, must be immensely immeasurable.

Yesterday night was also another opportunity to be with his family. His family is nice as I have said. I have gotten to talk to his older sister. His father is rather quiet but he is nice. His younger sister seems to be nice also but we have not gotten to talk much yet. We had dinner at Big Buddha. After which, *** drove me home.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Nocturnal Contemplation of Oblivion

Rescue me from this reverie that I have enveloped myself in. My mind is a labyrinth I cannot seem to walk out of. I am trapped within the walls of my own abyss. I pant, and I panic, but everywhere I turn seems to be a wall I walk into. Shatter the glass that encapsulates me, I want to break free and breathe once again. Slowly, my own breath is becoming the poison that kills me. I suppose this is the fate of one who chooses solitude, a lonely death and a silent one. I scream, yet no one seems to hear. I cannot blame anyone for screaming has become nothing but opening of my mouth. Nothing but silence comes out. The most deafening scream of silence that no one can hear, this is my call for urgency. I cannot breathe, and the will to do so is fading into nothingness. My chest is heavy from the invisible anvil it carries. My head whirls from unseen concerns that make my insides stir into discomfort. I am in despair and yet I myself am disconcerted, doubtful if I really am. I dove to fathom the depth of my being and now I am drowning in the silence of this reverie. I am where nobody can reach me but that One who has made me into being. Take me out of the box from where I have placed myself in. Break me free from the chains that bind me, eradicate the boundaries that I have set for myself for You have made me a free soul, meant to soar the limitless sky, dive the unfathomable sea, and explore the vastness of the universe and what is beyond it. Remove from me the brand that has marked my mortal flesh, that has haunted me from birth. Liberate me from the judgement of my own condescending eyes. Let love emanate from my very core, and let it shine into my being, that it may shed light to the darkest pits of my very soul. Let the light of wisdom, solve the enigma that is me. Let the brightness of the light shine forth to this nocturnal contemplation of nothingness, of void and of oblivion.

Pardon the cheesy piece above, I am sappy perhaps because I am moved to be so due to the circumstance my sister is in. Of course, this episode could also be attributed to the excessive narcissism that has become the pitfall of my spirit. I have gained weight and I feel ugly. Is acceptance in this lifetime beyond the grasp of every human being?

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Paint a Rainbow for Her

I wish I could hold you in my arms and melt all your fears away.

Whisper in your ear words that will make everything okay.

I need you to know I am here for you. I will love you no matter what. I don't want you to fear tomorrow. I wish to assure you everything will go your way but I cannot. I do not have the power to do that.

I am a mere mortal like you and all the comforting words that I can manaage is, "Let's pray.". The Lord will not forsake you. He will do what's best for you. I know He will help you but I also want to help you. I hope that in my little ways I am doing that.

I love you, sis!


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I had my haircut today and I was going to meet him tonight.

I was so excited to see him because tonight, the stylist had my hair blown dry straight. My heart skipped when I saw him approach me. Gosh! After all these months... he still takes me breath away! Somehow when I see him, all the blood I have rushes to my face and involuntarily makes my lips spread across my face, and my eyes twinkle in delight. I guess this is love. I know this might be hard to believe since I have had two boyfriends in the past, but this is the first time I am feeling this. It is enthrilling! I want to hug him all the time. I want to be next to him and feel the warmth of his tight, strong embrace. Somehow, in his arms, I feel secure, loved and safe. This is the feeling of being with the one. Or at least I would like to think so.

We saw Transporter 2. The action scenes were superb but the story is not that impressive. I'd still recommend it to those who are into action flicks though.

After the movie, we ate at Sentro. It was my first time there and yes, I was impressed by the impeccable service and the Sinigang na Corned Beef was yummy. Next time though I plan to have Tilapia in Coconut Milk.

I love eating sinigang with *** because I get to have all the okra and the eggplant. I don't understand how he can find those disgusting. They're my favorite!

During dinner, I asked him, out of the blue who his first crush was and so on... Though it took place several years ago, there are times when I wish I were there. I wish I were the one he speaks of. I wish I were the one he has given his first roses to or the one he has given his first love letter to... But that is silly because then the timing will be off. I want to thank the Lord for making us meet at such perfect timing. I love him for being honest and for being oh so open about things of the past.

We went ballistic with the phone camera again... We have once again taken tons of pictures. Especially today that my hair is straight!

Trimming of the Shrew

There goes another inch.

How long has it been? More than eight months! Last time I was on this chair, I did not know what were ahead of me. I did not know there were big surprises in store for me.

They say people cut their hair because their hearts are broken or because they want to forget.

I cut my hair because it was Chinese New Year, because I wanted a new beginning. And that was what I got precisely. A new beginning to a new story. The chapters have been good to me. Thank you Lord.

Today I got my haircut again, no longer seeking a new beginning. I wanted my hair to look as before. I want the way things are and I do not want them to change. I know change is inevitable but holding on and hoping things will stay the way they are can be too.

Looking in the mirror, I know I have changed. I am happy now. My face may have more lines, my eyes may have darker circles or my forehead seems higher but my eyes dance with glee for the Lord has blessed me.

Several times in the past, I have been trimmed, blown dry, trimmed again, and again and again... Every now and then I still have to be heated enough to force me to yield but that is His hand working, styling me into perfection.

Snip... Snip...

My SohTirDay(Soh Tiring Day)

Early Saturday I had a CLiP tutorial on Excel. After which I prepared myself to go to the Habitat Outreach activity where we were going to build houses! I invited *** to come and surprisingly he obliged!

It was our first outreach activity together and he had all my students awed by his strength! I was more amazed that he chose to be there when he could have just chosen to stay at home and relax.

The housepartners (the beneficiaries) talked to us and a woman cried while thanking us making tears well up my eyes... Thank goodness I was able to contain them or my students would have seen. I know there is no shame in crying but I did not feel like crying at that time.

After the outreach, we were supposed to have a movie date but my sister needed a little cheering up so I suggested that we bring her along and that we watch Corpse Bride instead because it was what my sister wanted to watch.

To my delight, all three of us had a grand time! We had dinner at Kitchen, after which we went to TimeZone and played there! My sister laughed so hard that night. Maybe it's escapism, maybe it's just pure joy... I'd like to think it's the latter. It's a treat to have two of my favorite people in one place, having fun!

*** won tickets for my sister so she can get the prize that she wants. We all played Time Crisis, *** was good at it, my sister was okay and I sucked hehe! We raced on the Daytona too... I actually thought all the while that I was going to win, my rank was after all 1 all throughout the race but then again *** snuck up on me in the last few seconds and he won! When am I going to win a race with this guy? The best part was bowling though... The miniature bowling. *** is a good bowler and well he took the mini game rather seriously! My sister and I were laughing so hard for fear that the machine might collapse any time soon. *** scored most of the tickets from there!

After Time Zone, we went to see the movie. It's another masterpiece by Tim Burton. The music was great! I would even consider getting a copy of the OST! The movie is morbid as expected but really artistic in every sense of the word. There are a lot of "get it... get it" jokes too! It's an entertaining film!

My Saturday was an exhausting one but it was definitely worth every drop of energy!I was sick the whole of Saturday but I had to gather my strength to be able to deliver.

Saturday, October 08, 2005


tick tock... tick tock...

I should still be in bed right now.

tick tock... tick tock...

Don't they know I am not feeling well today?

tick tock... tick tock...

The clock is taunting me.

tick tock... tick tock...

Tsk. Making me wait like this. This is going to be a long day of lecture on tahdah! Excel! *yawn*

It's an outreach activity that I have always gotten myself into but today I am just not feeling well and it's bugging me that the people are still not here. I should have slept some more... Or maybe... eaten breakfast? I have not taken my medication because I have not eaten because I thought I was already late for this thing... and yet what do I have? An empty room with just computers and an SA.


Friday, October 07, 2005

Give Me Five!

Five months! *woot*

December of 2004, *** left for the States because he had to attend a wedding. This was a few days after he allegedly texted me after my friend gave my number to him. I never replied according to him. It could have ended there. While he was in the States, he met a friend's boss at Anaheim. The boss liked his resume and wanted to hire him. Unfortunately, he has already returned to the Philippines when the boss sent him an e-mail that he wanted to hire him already. Then, he could not return right away. He had to wait for six months.

A few weeks after he got back, he got to meet me, first via YM through a common friend and then in person. After we first met, things started to just snap into place. It was like we were meant to find each other in this lifetime.It was as though his love was that love I have waited for, for so long. That one true love I wished existed.

Now, almost eight months later, he received an email again from Anaheim. Could it be that the Lord just wanted us to meet before he starts working abroad. I do not wish to stop him from leaving. I do not want to chain him and keep him away from his dreams because from the moment I have fallen in love with him, his dreams also became mine. I just want him to be happy. I know and believe that the Lord led us to one another and that our love will be able to endure distance and time. True love transcends distance and time, right? I pray that the Lord lead him to where he should go. I trust that once again, what the Lord gives us is good.

Food Trip

For the past two weeks we have been dining out to several restos haha... No wonder we're both gaining weight. I guess all that jogging makes us feel we have the right to eat more haha! Whoever said jogging will make you lose weight has not met people like us. I wonder if this is also true for other people.

North Park Posted by Picasa
Sept. 29, we ate at North Park.Hearty meal but we got to finish in time to get us home before Pinoy Big Brother! We are hooked to that show lately. I don't understand why but we are haha! I know it's really low but can you blame us, I guess there is a hint of voyeurs in all of us. Or is it just us?

Seafood Club Posted by Picasa
Sept. 30, we ate at The Seafood Club. It took so long before they served our food... we almost missed the beginning of the film Dubai. Okay before you start rolling with laughter, it was actually a decent film except for the part where Aga Muhlach started a monologue at another guy's wedding... it was not even his wedding! The groom never got to speak in the scene... Can't blame Star Cinema though, airfare is expensive and visa processing is a hassle so they just got some guy from Dubai though he cannot act hehe... It was not a love story though, as some people might think... not the romantic love story at least, it's a love story of siblings. We all know how the sibling topic can be a tear jerker at times... At least those with siblings would know anyway. Going back to Seafood Club... it took them a long time before they can serve our food that by the time our food arrived, we have already two origami crabs sitting on the table and lots of pictures taken in the resto. Their food was not bad though... just don't order chicken there haha :)) The seafood fondue was good... The dipping part was a bit tiring though.
Oct. 1, my graduation we ate at the umm... what's the name of the resto at Blue Wave? umm... The Great Pallate? It serves seafood too. We ate there with my family. *** finally got to meet my father. Papa seems to like him. :) After Blue Wave we went to EK which is my previous entry already.

Oct. 4, we ate at the Shawarma Snack Center at Malate. They have the yummiest Shawarma there!!! Super!!! You have to try it... Now if only I can remember what street it is in... It's the street before Pedro Gil coming from Luneta, in front of the L.A. Cafe. It's not hard to find.

Oody's Posted by Picasa
Oct.5, our 5th month we ate at Oodys! This was soh funny coz this month we had techie gifts for one another... He gave me an MMC card for my 6630 and I gave him a flash drive coz he lost his! I was thrilled! More pictures to store in my phone!!! After dinner we also got movie tickets for Into The Blue. The story as expected is not that impressive. There is one character there whose purpose is unknown, although I must say her character kept us guessing... I suppose we were hoping that there's more to the story than there actually was. Noteworthy however, were Jessica Alba's buns! They are just way too perfect! Wow! How is that humanly possible? :) Before we saw the movie, we also got to play at Time Zone. We got to shoot some hoops and then we played Grand BishiBashu hehe... If you have not tried that, you should. It's super fun! We wanted to do Daytona but we ran out of time. We almost (yet again) missed the beginning of the film. We're habitual buzzer beaters!

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Enchanted Saturday

Last Saturday morning I got my wings! Finally! Of course, for some it would seem so anticlimactic but not for me. I had anxiety attacks for days. There were nightmares of me forgetting my own graduation and not having an academic gown to wear. Those things... horrible really... But all that is behind me now. After going through what I had to I need not say I was ecstatic to actually finally graduate and have my hand shaken by Brother Armin.

To top it all, my father came! I was soh touched! He finally got to meet the love of my life!

Speaking of my love, he picked me up at 7:30 in the morning so I would not have to take the cab because my family does not want to take me there. Is he not the sweetest?

After my graduation, we went to Blue Wave to eat. My papa gave me my gifts and after eating we parted ways. Mom went home and so did my father. Jet had a gimmick to go to and my lil sis and I were going to EK. The plan was for me to stay with Janine the whole day but somehow when mys sister got to spend time with *** she wanted *** to come with us which was great! I got to spend time with two people I absolutely love.

Heavy flow of traffic welcomed us to SLEX and it was not an easy drive for *** given that he barely had any sleep at all...


We were out 'til early morning. We had a dinner at the Seafood Club at Greenbelt 3 and saw Dubai.

We had so much fun at EK. For the first time my little sister posed for pictures and actually smiled! Even *** was happy that she seems comfortable around him. She also chose to ride Anchors Away also for the first time! We had soh much fun!

Going home, I was very worried that *** might fall asleep because he does seem very exhausted. He has not been getting enough rest and his work has not been easy the past few days. Nonetheless, he saw us through. He got us home safe and sound.

On the way home, the streets to our house was flooded. I was amazed by how he just braved the water... I was a bit embarassed that he had to go through that much trouble considering that we ambushed him to come with us. Good thing he always has rugged clothes in his car just in case he plays Badminton.

After he left, I tried calling him to keep him awake but to no avail. His phone could not be reached. I distinctly remember that his phone was on... I thought of the worst things that could happen and of course I was worried sick. I am such a worry wart! I went as far as calling his house. I was afraid I might wake up somebody but I felt I had no choice... Nobody answered.

I found out this morning that his phone has not been working perfectly last night. Whew! I love him so much! You cannot imagine the relief I felt when I heard him say hello on the other line. I do not think I can go back to not having him in my life.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Light Up My Life

I am a drift wood aimlessly floating in the open sea.

Every morning I wake up and I go about my routine like the gears of a clock systematically move every second of the minute of the hour of the day. Where have all the drive and passion for what I do gone? Has the fire been extinguished by the cold gush of the rigors of the previous months?

I feel cold, eyes unable to focus in front of the minds I need to feed. Can they tell? Can the see my hollow self as I bare the syllabus in front of them. I want to give more and yet to no avail. My spirit is unwilling.

Lord light up my desire again to serve in Your name, to glorify You.

You have planted me here and I wish to bloom and grow for You. Shower me with guidance for I am beginning to wilt...

Amazing... that's what You are. A few minutes after I wrote you have answered my call. Thank You for taking the time to direct me to a course again. Thank you for reminding me why I do what I do. Leave me never my Lord for I am lost without You.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Let's Get Physical (Physical)

I had fun yesterday jogging at the sports complex with tananantanan... my baby!:) Yes, after more than a month we got to jog again!


Tiring but nonetheless refreshing afterwards. Hope we can consistently do this! We were so tired and hungry that we found ourselves at Wai Ying later that evening munching on some dumplings and other oh so heavenly yet sinful food hehe... maybe not that sinful since some of our orders were steamed and not fried.

After jogging he dropped to do some push-ups... wow can he do push-ups!I was daring him to do crunches. I positioned myself and he refused to do it with me since he just finished a round of push-ups. I started mine while he was trying to check if there were contractions in my abdomen and well... there was minimal contraction and that was when he showed me how to do it really. Darn! The correct way was indeed much more difficult. Whew! my abs feel tighter today. I should keep on doing that.

Yesterday he posted a friendster testimonial for me. Call me cheesy, but I cried reading it. I was surprised and I was touched by the words that he said.

I really feel blessed. I do. I pray that the Lord continues to shower us with love, joy, trust and understanding.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I Need A Hero!!!

After the 4:30pm mass a co-faculty of mine and I went to the Center for Arts Foundation, Inc. They were opening the new venue near GMA (near is a relative word... I should remember that). We got off the GMA station and went down the wrong side so on we went to climbed three gargantuan flights of stairs. Afterw which, we walked a gigantic block and then we saw the sign.

The concert was okay but it was hard to have fun when I was also thinking how I was going to get home. I thought my cofaculty was going to take me home. It was only that night that he made clear to me that he was not taking me home. I could take the jeep from EDSA but... well it scared me of course especially since it was already late. I felt bad but I also understood that my cofaculty lives in Laguna. Still a part of me was gritting... I did not want to call *** for favors like this. I did not want to disturb his relaxation at home. I also do not want to be overly dependent and needy and I know he needs his rest but I was left with no choice. I texted him if maybe he could pick me up...

Where have all good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?

Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need

I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I'm holding out for a hero ‘til the morning light
He's gotta be sure
And it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life

He texted me an instant yes. My heart jumped because though I would have understood if he texted me a no, I'd be hurt. I was holding my breath until he texted me that he can pick me up. He was going to pick me up! I told him I'll take the MRT with my cofaculty to Ayala and then I can just wait somewhere near Oakwood. A few minutes later I called him up, he was already in Ayala. He said he would wait for me at the escalator going to SM. Wow! I cannot believe this guy... To think he was watching a TV show when I texted him. He did not even wait til the show was over. He is my hero, my prince, my true love. I only had to text him once... I did not even have to call to ask him to pick me up.

Somewhere after midnight
In my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's someone reaching back for me

Up Where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I would swear that there’s someone somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach
Like a fire in my blood

I really thank the Lord each day that He gives me with him. I am and will always be grateful that our paths met.

Thank you for being the hero I have always hoped for. I have always known there's one out there especially made for me.

I love you so much baby. I mean it every time.

Holding On To A Hero - Footloose


Last Saturday was such a blast!!!

In the morning I woke up invigorated, I thought I might jog with my baby that morning but I saw how topsy turvy the unit was and I did not want my mom to hit the roof again because everything's a mess so I decided to clean up rather than call *** right away. We both slept late because I attended the prayer meeting while he went to Gilligan's Festival Mall with his officemates to eat and have a few drinks. He got home really late because he had to drive his friends home.

It was already eleven by the time I finished cleaning up and it was only at that time that I called ***. We were supposed to jog that morning but when I called him up I got "Uhhhh... Hello? Hmmm..."*cracking voice* I knew then no jogging was going to take place. I didn't mind though, I got to clean the unit already and that's as good as any exercise for me! Whew!!!

He picked me up past twelve... I wore the new dress my mom bought me. I particularly like it coz it's sporty so I wore it with a pair of rubber shoes. :)I love rubber shoes... I'll wear them all the time if I could get away with it except when I have to swim of course.

We got to videoke from 1:30pm to 5:30 pm with some of my co-faculty members. It was fun. I hope *** had as much fun. I enjoyed just sitting side by side with him. These days, I miss him more than usual. It's like I want to be beside him all the time but I know that should not be the case.

After the videoke, we went to the Meralco Theater to get our tickets. We had to get there an hour before the show to get the tickets because I just reserved through the phone. *** got us there in 30 minutes. He's a very skilled driver, unlike me. :) Let me rephrase that we have different skill sets... where his skill set includes getting us to where we need to go without getting lost, mine includes evading cops after counterflowing and beating the red light. Which one of us is a better driver? I'll leave that up to you!

We picked up the tickets, I went to the restroom and lo and behold, JR and Iya were standing there signing some autographs. I immediately went through my bag for a pen and I had them sign my tickets. They were nice enough... I even had my picture taken with JR. Iya was really nice calling JR to sign the tickets for me. My boyfriend was soh supportive the whole time hehe... That's what I like about him, I can be myself around him. I don't have to pretend at all.

We went out to Pho Hoa to have some dinner and then we went back to the Meralco Theater. *** was nice enough to get the car for us coz we were all running late. We made it in time though with lots of time to spare. We were supposed to sit with Aga according to the ticket guy. I was able to get the Center tickets because there were people who backed out... I was given the tickets beside Aga supposedly... I found out later on that Aga was not Aga Muhlach but some old guy hehe... Nah... There were two vacant seats so perhaps they were supposed to sit there. We had the best seats in the house!

The musical was great! I had fun watching it. It amazed me how much hardwork they really put into it. I can imagine how difficult it was to master the steps, the delivery, the coordination of everything. The creativity of stage acting and production has never ceased to amaze me!

I was also very glad that *** and I were able to share this together. For a while I thought musicals do not interest him but as it turns out, he enjoyed it as well as I did. It feels good to be able to share with him something I enjoy. I really should learn how to bowl...

On the downside... I got to see my second ex there with his ex who happens to be a former classmate of *** whom I think liked *** back in high school. You might need a diagram for that. It was awkward but I think everyone handled that well enough.

My Saturday was amazing. Everything kept falling into place. We would look for a good parking and a nice spot will suddenly become available. We wanted the best seats in the house and suddenly we can have them. We could have gotten there late but we arrived minutes before. It was the death anniversary of my beloved lola last Saturday. I have a feeling that it was her who was also looking after us. She was always the generous and loving lola. I love you lola. I know you are in the loving arms of the Father Almighty.

Thank you baby for the wonderful time! My words are not enough to paint my happiness last Saturday. You are everything I have every dreamed of in a person. Thank you so much for coming into my life. I look forward to more moments with you! I love you very, very much!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

A Day of Gold

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Today is the 50th birthday of my favorite aunt of ***. She's so bubbly! I like her husband too. I got to see Mama again as we all fondly call his grandmother who is already 82 but can still host a party and have everyone sing and laugh, teach line dancing to the tune of Don't Break My Heart My Achy Breaky Heart, sing and dance 'Til There Was You, read and commentate for masses, not to mention that she's always all made up and dressed up... She can put Imelda Marcos to shame! I wish I could be as kewl as her when I reach my golden years err... platinum?!

I was soh nervous and anxious on the way to the party. We had to drop by at the airport because my fave tito and his son (***'s godson) were waiting for a lechon from Cebu. For the one and a half hour that we were waiting inside the running car (My fave tito of his did not want to turn off the engine because it was hot) my tummy was doing a world-series gymnastic routine... I was fearful of meeting his mom for the first time. Yep, today was the day...

When we got to the party, almost all the guests were there already. His mom and his sisters were there already. I greeted Mama first and then I was introduced to his mom. I kissed his mom and his mom's other two cousins. His mom was warm and friendly. We occupied another table with his sister and his sister's boyfriend. I was a bit thankful for this because I was at this point still afraid of his mom.

The program began with the speeches. Followed by the dancing. His mom asked me to dance with Mama and I did not refuse hehe... Being the game person that I am I boogie-d with Mama until she told me she was exhausted already. I panicked when she told me because she has just been to the hospital the the week before due to over exhaustion and mild stroke. She asked me to dance with ***'s mom. We danced and we both seemed to have a great time.

His elder sister plays the organ at St. Joseph and that afternoon, she had to play for a wedding so we all went to go to St. Joseph. It was my first time to get so close to the bamboo organ, I even got to touch the keys... I was tempted to play Mary Had A Little Lamb hehe... I had fun. I even got to meet ***'s teachers because they were distributing report cards today too!

We left St. Joseph after the meet and greets and proceeded to ***'s house in LP because my beloved has not taken a bath yet. He failed to do so because early that morning he was already asked to pick up the lechon and that took up most of the morning... by the time we all got to the party he could not leave anymore because the people there would not let him.

It was also my first time to go to his house. They had three very aggressive dogs but they did not do anything to me so that was okay. I got to meet Manang, their househelp who was also very nice to me. Now, I don't have to fear calling *** at home because now we're friends.

Once he was all freshened up, we (***, his sister, his sister's bf and myself) went back to the party as his mom instructed us to have dinner there still. We sang on the videoke some more, line danced, danced the swing and the boogie, had dinner and then watched Big Brother.

Saturday was indeed a great day... :)

Hope to the Lord his family likes me coz I sure like them a whole lot!

After I got home, everything went downhill... My mom was pissed.

Is she jealous? I really don't know. Things have not been the same lately. She seems to be always on our (*** and me) case. I hope things will fall back into place so we can all be happy again.