Come Spring

I have two papers to write still and I have not started yet. I have a Psych paper (again!) that I have to write based on a really thick paper that I have not started reading yet. *argh!* But that is not what I want to write about tonight...

I just wonder what happened along the way. I thought I got things figured out. I thought things were actually all laid out in front of me. Things were just waiting to unravel for as long as I follow things to the dot. I think I have. Save for this one thing and now I find everything does not make sense at all.

I wonder if everyone goes through something like this or if this is unique to me. I know in my heart that I have tried my best to follow everything to the dot. Perhaps too rigidly that I seemed to have forced myself into a situation that I did not want to be in.

I trust still, that things still await to be unravelled in my life and that things will get better. I trust that this brief confusion is all what it is and finally, things will begin to make sense again. I trust that eventually, my slate will be clean again and I can start fresh.

Let me turn a new leaf. This winter has been too long and I long to see my first green leaf.

Dissertation Revisited

I finally have enough problems on my dissertation. Yes, this is actually good news! This took me a while because for a while now, I have not opened my dissertation file! :)

I revisited my file last night and just realized that it's actually fun to work on it. I hope that this will continue. Now, I have to dig up some of the articles that I have read and cite them in some parts of my document. Argh! I should have done that a looong time ago. What is wrong with me?!

Today was okay, for a very full day I still got to work on many things so I think I really am improving in terms of managing my day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be good again. Which reminds me, I have several defenses tomorrow. *yikes!* Really busy day tomorrow too!

I am loving our laboratory because I think I can actually do work there. I love that we have a big open space for work instead of my cramped cubicle in the faculty room. Also, the students who disturb me in the lab are those whose works are related to my research so it's still work related to my research. How cool is that?

Grateful

Things i am grateful for today:
1. Movie date with my mom and my sister. I love laughing with them!
2. VGA adapter for my MacBook Pro. It has been out of stock at MOA for soh long!
3. Window shopping! I now have a pleasant problem of choosing between iTouch and Nano.
4. Animo Run I think I will be running this Sunday.
5. Sunday Mass We were a bit late but I enjoyed every moment of the mass.

Overall, it was a great Sunday too! :)

Thank You Lord!

I feel You in my life every single day.

Saturday Rave!

I have said this before, and I will say this again... I love Saturdays!

I am very, very happy because today I was very productive. Of course this is relative but still. I am happy to say that I have finished reading Environment Psychology of McAndrew. I was able to get substantial material for my dissertation there. Also, I was able to get articles for the final paper that we are to submit in our Emotions Development class. My topic is not really on Emotional Development per se. It's a marriage between Environment Psychology and Emotional Development. I hope my batch of articles will get approved because it is going to be very relevant to my dissertation. I am gaining momentum again. :) Soh happy! I feel so fulfilled when I can work like this. I hope to be like this again next week.

It is soh hard to be productive when I am tempted to just sleep all day. I think I am done with sleeping too much it really is not good for me. I do not want to wile my time on Earth just sleeping in bed. I am missing out on too much. Like this afternoon, while taking a break I laughed so hard with my colleagues at our common area. It feels so great to share a good laugh with friends. Of course after the good laugh I found my way to my cubicle to work.

I am also soh into listening to music again. I have started with a fresh new iTunes and am beginning to populate it with songs I really enjoy. :) I also have created a new batch of play lists and am pondering on buying iPod Nano or iTouch. I am thinking I should just get a Nano because it is lighter and I think it's okay to drop that *hehe*. I am almost sure that I will drop iTouch if I get one. This is the same reason why, no matter how cute, I will not get an iPhone. It will not last a year, I will surely destroy it at some point. My trusty Nokia on the other hand has suffered and lived through all the imaginable tortures a cellphone can be subjected to save the water submersion because that would mean death I think. I have however, managed to get all the diodes wet and for a while I had to make do with a phone with no backlight *haha!*. I thought during that brief moment that seemed to me like an eternity that it has finally given up on me but to my pleasant surprise, it has not and it lives!!!

For the first time in weeks I am not cramming to finish an article because we do not have a class this coming Tuesday. I have to get a head start though for next, next week so I will be reading now, without pressure though and that spells the difference.

Gosh, I really enjoyed my Saturday! :)

Another bonus, one of my Cisco students inquired today if I am still teaching Cisco. I am not handling a class this term and they said they won't take Cisco unless I am the teacher... Aww... I love teaching. :)

100% Sulk

I am sorry to sound so sappy. I really tried to focus tonight to read Environmental Psychology but my mind kept on flying off to Michael Jackson. I feel like my twelve to sixteen year old self again, obsessing about him. Blame it on the idea that my sister got to see This Is It again this afternoon with her friends while I hit the gym and did some work. Okay, I am passing the blame, I am accountable for my own obsessive behavior.

I saw a lot of his videos on YouTube again, those with his kids and I feel bad for them because now they do not have a dad. MJ seemed to be a really nice dad to them. *sigh* He was a human being like all the rest of us why couldn't they treat him like that instead of a commodity that was sold and used. It is really, really sad that he was taken away so suddenly and so soon when he still had much to give.

Okay, his last few albums were not as good as the first ones, but even so, he had so much to give to his kids and to his loved ones and to those who were in need. He lost his childhood and somehow I do not think he ever got that back and now all over again, he has lost another childhood, that of his kids. *sigh* He did not get to experience that fully either.

I hope to be able to get over this and just move on. I want to slap myself back into reality. I should not even be this affected. *Arg!* Still ,I find that I am because a lot of my inspiration back when I was younger was drawn from his well of music, magic and madness.

I have lost a hero and there is no one to take his place. I am happy there are records and there are videos still, they remain constant reminders of what the world, what I, have lost.

Boo.

Wrestling in the Eyes of My Nine Year Old Self

I was just sharing to a friend how I used to watch World Wrestling Federation when I was nine. Wrestling was to me as Santa was to me and most kids. It was something I waited for every week and it was something that I thought was real. I remembered arguing with some of my friends because I was insisting that wrestling was real.

So now I wonder if wrestling screwed me over and made me think that people do not bleed when you hit them with chairs and baseball bats. I wonder if up to this day, I believe that the crowd cheering will make me stronger as it used to do for Hulk Hogan. I wonder if my subconscious still thinks these things...

Still, looking back, I would still want to watch wrestling because my most fun times that I got to spend with my dad was when we watched wrestling, Tom and Jerry and Woody Woodpecker while we ate popcorn my mom made. I love those times. In wrestling I learned that no matter what happens, you have to continue the fight. I learned that the human body can take more than we think it can. I learned that not everyone will play fair and that sometimes they will disappoint you. I learned that it is okay to face things alone because you can handle things.

I also learned that in life not all things that we see is real. Some things are just there for you to experience and enjoy and hopefully, it will help you build stronger relationships with those who matter, like your family.

It's All About Love, L-O-V-E

Was what MJ used to say during rehearsals... But I digress.

This made me cry. If you want to read the whole version of the article it's here.

Love Is Service
I dedicate my last story to all those living away from their loved ones today—Overseas Filipino Workers, Migrants, etc.
Many years ago, I met Alice, a Filipina teacher in Brunei.
She was my host and took care of me while I was there. When I woke up early one morning, I noticed that she was on the phone. But she wasn’t speaking.
She explained that it was her beautiful ritual of love to her husband. Years ago, her husband suffered a stroke and he became paralyzed. So she went to Brunei to work for the family.
And what was this ritual of love? Alice would wake up at 4 in the morning to call her husband. (This was before the days of cell phones and text messages.) But because they could not afford long distance calls, they agreed that the husband was not to answer the phone.
Instead, the husband would allow the phone to ring.
And ring.
And ring.
He would allow the love of Alice, symbolized by the ringing, to fill their house and to fill his heart.
For 8 years straight, Alice did this beautiful ritual without fail.
Until he finally passed away.
That’s what love is.
Not like feelings that come and go.
Not like moods that are here today and gone tomorrow.
Love is simply done, day in and day out.
Because it’s eternal.
Constant.
Faithful.
It was Mother Teresa who said, “Service is a fruit of love”.
If you love, you will serve.
Go now, and like Mother Teresa, dirty your hands.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez

iHope

I am going to vote for Noynoy because I think he is honest and I think we, now more than ever, need an honest man to rule. I want GMA out of Malacanang. I hope people will just vote for him so that the votes will not be divided. The votes will be harder to manipulate if the nation will decide to vote for Noynoy. I hope the automation works out but from the looks of it, things will get messed up. They are cramming and they have not started educating the public yet on how to vote. I hope they finish on time. I hope the academe will have enough time to check the machines and the program.

I hope.

Random Halloween Posts

Halloween was very interesting this year. I spent it in our empathic space with friends, we had pizza, chicharon, and all the other junk food plus a horror movie. The junk food was excellent hehe... One can never go wrong with chicharon from R. Lapid. Yum! The horror movie wreaked but that was okay because the company was great. I really had a great time eating and watching the movie! Until next Halloween everyone!

I saw This Is It again today but this time on IMAX. Of course the sound is better, the picture better and the talent as always will always be genius. I miss MJ and I keep on falling in love with him over and over. *sigh* The documentary is doing so well that they might even extend the number of weeks that it will be shown in the cinemas. What I cannot take though is that they are comparing This Is It with Miley Cyrus' concert movie *barf*. I am sorry but I am not a fan of Hannah Montana, blame it on the age... Even if I were, I do not think the King of Pop should be compared side by side a newbie teeny bopper. I take offense as a fan.

It's funny how people near you can sometimes seem so far away and how people so far from you can make you feel as though they are just right there next to you.