Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Christmas So Far

Last Sunday, I was able to hear simbang gabi 1. I did not sleep the entire night, I decided to wait for the simbang gabi of 4:30 am. Hmm... After that I went straight back to bed. Sad to say, after two early morning masses, I could not do it anymore. A lot of activities were slated for me that Monday, the third of the nine masses to be completed.

I have never completed all the nine masses, closest I got was six masses out of nine. I hope next year I'll get to finally complete it. I really want to. Not because I have a wish, I did not make any wish for all these years that I have been trying to complete them. I just really want to.

Also, last Sunday I got to go to Market! Market! with my boyfriend and my not-so-little sister. It was the first time in so many months that they got to spend some time together again. My sister's comfortable around him, I mean she laughs and jokes about and that's enough for me. My other two exes pissed her off, so much she won't even bother a slight smile. Kudos to my boyfriend a.k.a. Boyoyong hehe...

My sister who insists she's all grown up insisted that she go around the mall on her own. I had to make her call my mom so I know that it's okay to let her loose in the mall. Hmm... Apparently she is a bit grown up already. *sigh* She has grown up so fast.

She bought her classmates and friends some gifts while I also scouted for gifts for my brother and some friends. I'm still not done shopping, it's quite a shame really, I got so many gifts from friends and I did not give out a lot of gifts. I did not have much time with my teaching load at NCC.

Speaking of NCC is okay. I mean my students do their assignments. Sure they're late most of the time but we're doing good. We're still on schedule. Like we all have a choice, we really have to follow the syllabus or else... Time will not wait for us.

Anyway, after Market!Market! we dropped my sister off because she has believe it or not, her quarterly exams. She's doing okay in school even without studying much and she figured since she's in her senior year, she doesn't have to work her ass off. Why did I not figure that out then? She's so smart I tell you. :D Going back to my always-interrupted part of the story, I got to go to the Christmas Bazaar and I got myself some stuff. My boyfriend was able to buy gifts for his godchildren and officemates... Note to self, must buy gift for my inaanak within striking distance. I got to buy two bags! I also saw really cute Precious Moments dolls! I told my sister about it and she was telling me how she wants those dolls. Oh well... I thought she wouldn't appreciate them. Maybe we can go again some time before Christmas. We can ride the bus because I sure don't want to drive going there... super traffic. Or maybe we can go early during the day to avoid the hassle of playing Trip to Jerusalem with twenty cars.

My boyfriend and I decided we were just going to take a peek at the bazaar since I had so many things to check and record and he had to go home early so he can prepare for the following day and spend some time with his family too. Lo and behold, we spent three hours in the bazaar, maybe even more. I lost track of time.

After the bazaar, I felt kind of sad when I realized my boyfriend was sad because he was going to go home late again. I mean it wasn't my idea to go there that day. I already told him we did not have to go. I could have gone on my own anyway. That way he would not have to feel so bad that he was going home late again.

This made me re-evaluate things. Am I stealing too much of his time from his family? True, most of that week was spent outside of his home. Monday last week he came from a basketball game and picked me up. Tuesday, he was color coding and I figured maybe I could come around and pick him up this time around only to realize when I got there that he drove his father's car. We decided to have coffee instead, and this made him go home a lot later than he should, or probably intended. Wednesday, he picked me up again and I think we went to MOA to have some Starbucks stickers (remember my addiction, I don't go there to drink, I go there to acquire stickers)... or was it Blue Wave? Thursday I went to MOA to have dinner with co-faculty members. I got to drive someone else's car that night hehe... My palms were all so sweaty! But I pulled through! He met us there since he also needed to buy a gift bag for his Kris Kringle. He got home late again since I had some hot choco and he had coffee (guess where... ) and then Friday, he picked me up again from UP so he got home late again. Saturday, we went to MOA to meet someone and to buy some presents and then Sunday.

I guess he did really not see his family. Anyway I figured that so this week, I decided to let him go home early. :D That way, he get to spend time with his family and I get to spend time with my siblings and friends. A relationship after all is about growth and we grow through others too.

1 The simbang gabi is a Filipino tradition done nine days before Christmas. It begins December 16 and the last mass is December 25. According to our chaplain, the Misa de Gallo is an offering to Mama Mary. Most Filipinos believe that if you wish for something, and complete the nine masses, their wish will come true.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Sticker Crazy

I have gone down to the level of those who drink at Starbucks to get a freaking planner! I don't know... I just got sucked into the blackhole and now I have degenerated into void.

Thank you baby for loving me still and for holding on to my hand and getting sucked into nothingness. Thanks for gulping down more sugar and caffeine than you have to, or need or want just so I can have my @#$@$@% sticker. :)

I don't know what the sticker does to people but it has somehow motivated me to freaking drink unreasonably priced hot chocolate cups. It has even made me contemplate about drinking coffee. :D Blech... I thought about it until I felt my pulse rate increase, then I was reminded why I should steer clear of coffee.

I have gone sticker crazy so if you don't want your Starbucks receipt... I can use them. :)

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Driving Myself Crazy

I never thought I would miss driving soh much. I haven't driven in a long time since I live literally a few steps away from where I work. I missed being able to listen to my car radio, smiling and talking to myself. I know it's really weird but I do talk to myself while I am in the car. Thanks to the wireless devices I don't look so weird now as I did ten years ago. :)

It is so therapeutic to drive! It feels so great! At least I was thinking this ten minutes into driving going to UP.

After that thought, everything went downhill. Literally.

There was even this one car who had a bumber sticker that said, "Don't act stupid", there were little letters but I couldn't read them anymore. This car cut two lanes so he can turn right when he was in the lane for turning left! I can pretty much guess what the small letters say, "like me".

Driving in the Philippines can be so infuriating! I got to UP in less than 1 hour even with the bugger traffic at Quirino and a bit in Araneta Ave. It's around 30 minutes less than the travel time if I take the MRT. This is minus the stairs workout care of MRT and LRT and the sauna at the jeepney terminal.

Still if you ask me, I would take the LRT, MRT and jeep. It is soh much cheaper. It only costs me 44 Pesos to get to UP if I use public transportation. I don't know yet how much it costs to take my car. However, going home is another story. My mom is not comfortable with the idea of me taking a cab at 9pm. My boyfriend isn't happy with that either. In fact, he hates the idea so much so that even though he works in Makati, he bothers to pick me up. :) Thanks baby!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Love on a Higher Level

My boyfriend loves me and I love him.

That alone should make me happy. Still I find my self finding faults in an almost perfect relationship. My boyfriend has surrounded me with so much love and yet I am searching for romance. I look for surprises like those he gave me in the past when we were still starting out.

Now that I think about it, he has not ceased surprising me. He surprises me by picking me up at UP without me telling him to. He just shows up every night to make sure I do not take a cab home. Still the knight in shining armor. He surprises me every time I pick a fight, he would always pick the words to use, fix what's wrong and patiently listen even when I refuse to speak a word. He surprises me whenever he is willing to give in to my requests and preferences. He surprises me in so many ways that I cannot enumerate all.

There was nothing wrong with him. It was me. I failed to see the romance in all the love he was pouring out on me. I am glad I have realized this before everything has gone.

As I was wondering and fumbling about this, I came across an e-mail of his that's almost a year old. It's a forwarded message but it's a really nice one. I don't normally post forwarded messages and most of the time I do not bother to read them but this might help you as it helped me.

This is my favorite part in the passage:

"That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments... "

The whole passage is pasted below.

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature,
and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to
admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before,
has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a
relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a
little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his
lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into
marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to
him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything
in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted
cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even
express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody
it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have
started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if
can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want
flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that
picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by
listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with
his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table
the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the
reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and
cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help
restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to
home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save
eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by
autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your
eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip
your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also
hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine
the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the
color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more
than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and
as I conntinue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied,
open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread
and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly
with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I
have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments...