Below are some moments these past few days when I wanted to just go kapoof vanish into thin air never to emerge again until some cute guy really comes along and is worth showing myself to, haha... Okay, I am in a better mood now because the wonderful thing about life is, though there are times when you want to just vanish, all hardships come to pass. I heard mass today and this was the homily of the priest... No matter how difficult the time is in your life, just wait and it will all come to pass... For all you know another person has experienced what you are going through now and they made it. People commit suicide never knowing that a few months later things will be so much better...
I was asked by my students the other day what my darkest moment in life was, and I could not think of anything. But I do remember wanting to take my life in the past for some reason I can't even remember anymore. There are times when one can think of no solution but then again there are problems that we cannot solve, we just let them come to pass... like a broken heart. A very wise Brother told me once, when you are down there are four things that you should do:
1. Isolate yourself
2. Think of what went wrong, what did you do or did not do
3. Find out who your friends are
4. Come up with a plan and execute it
Anyway here are some moments in the week when I just felt like I wanted to evaporate:1. Getting stuck in Divisoria on a rainy Saturday afternoon dressed in my fave pants and Nike strap sandals
My friend ask me to come along in her quest for a wedding because I was her bridesmaid and I also needed a gown. I thought we were going to a mall or some other place so I dressed casually and not thinking of the black mud that was to come. I have not seen this friend in a while and she was bringing along with her some of my other high school friends and her fiance so naturally, I wanted to look presentable. Well surprise of all surprises she led me to Divisoria, in my sandals and light colored pants we braved the overpopulated alleys of Divisoria. After I got into one of the stalls that was really crammed up... we spent hours waiting for my friend to choose a gown, only to find out that her mom will later on have a disagreement with the store owner and that we will have to start over again in another stall. Our exodus was even more difficult and frustrating than our getting into Divisoria. It was a perilous journey, it was a seemingly never ending evasion of umbrellas, lit cigarettes, hands, puddles, it is in times like that when I wish I were in Mario's World and can get into some pipe to get to where I am going... Anyway to cut it short I thankfully found myself in a jeepney stop and found my way in my unit... I got cleaned up and got ready for my workshop that I was by the way, already late for.
2. Being stuck in traffic for one hour and then get informed that the meeting has been cancelled already
I was in my car practicing for a rehearsal when my co-actor tells me that the practice has been postponed. Great. I had to get stuck in traffic all over again so I can go home. That was a major bummer. I was more mad than frustrated actually.
3. Publishing a difficult question in the exam that was a tad difficult than what the other teachers hoped for
They did not like it because it was tricky which they approved anyway but when the exam day came all fingers were at me...
4. Having a fight with my ex
Need I elaborate on this one?
Oh well, I guess we experience things like these every now and then and I am glad that when we do they all come to pass. Everyday is an exodus I guess, and this makes life extraordinary. Isn't it nice that though we walk in different paths we are all trying to do the same thing? Run away.