Friday, October 14, 2005

Nocturnal Contemplation of Oblivion

Rescue me from this reverie that I have enveloped myself in. My mind is a labyrinth I cannot seem to walk out of. I am trapped within the walls of my own abyss. I pant, and I panic, but everywhere I turn seems to be a wall I walk into. Shatter the glass that encapsulates me, I want to break free and breathe once again. Slowly, my own breath is becoming the poison that kills me. I suppose this is the fate of one who chooses solitude, a lonely death and a silent one. I scream, yet no one seems to hear. I cannot blame anyone for screaming has become nothing but opening of my mouth. Nothing but silence comes out. The most deafening scream of silence that no one can hear, this is my call for urgency. I cannot breathe, and the will to do so is fading into nothingness. My chest is heavy from the invisible anvil it carries. My head whirls from unseen concerns that make my insides stir into discomfort. I am in despair and yet I myself am disconcerted, doubtful if I really am. I dove to fathom the depth of my being and now I am drowning in the silence of this reverie. I am where nobody can reach me but that One who has made me into being. Take me out of the box from where I have placed myself in. Break me free from the chains that bind me, eradicate the boundaries that I have set for myself for You have made me a free soul, meant to soar the limitless sky, dive the unfathomable sea, and explore the vastness of the universe and what is beyond it. Remove from me the brand that has marked my mortal flesh, that has haunted me from birth. Liberate me from the judgement of my own condescending eyes. Let love emanate from my very core, and let it shine into my being, that it may shed light to the darkest pits of my very soul. Let the light of wisdom, solve the enigma that is me. Let the brightness of the light shine forth to this nocturnal contemplation of nothingness, of void and of oblivion.

Pardon the cheesy piece above, I am sappy perhaps because I am moved to be so due to the circumstance my sister is in. Of course, this episode could also be attributed to the excessive narcissism that has become the pitfall of my spirit. I have gained weight and I feel ugly. Is acceptance in this lifetime beyond the grasp of every human being?

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