Monday, September 25, 2006

When an Eagle Takes Its Flight

There are days when the height frightens me but you have a way of nudging me enough to take my flight. I have moments of self doubt but your faith in me overshadows anxiety. You make me believe I can do anything I want, that I can conquer the world. I sense your fear whenever I spread my wings to explore the horizon, to own all that I can, yet you never stand in the way. You let me wander to the unchartered, trusting that whenever I do, I shall always find my way back.

And I will always do.

For my heart murmurs your name and my soul longs for your warmth. My wings will take me not to greater heights if not for your love, if not for your trust. So let me soar above the blue canvas and let me do so for you. Let me paint my hopes and dreams and know that when I do fly it is because your love has taken me so high.


Thank you for the words you say, but more thanks for the words unsaid, the actions that spell out love in ways more than one. I am grateful for the things I see you do for me and more for those things I do not see. Thank you for the thoughts you share and for those you keep to yourself for now.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

It's Raining Blessings

The previous post was written September 8, 2006.

That was PMS talking. I just posted it because I thought it was kind of cute and besides, that might prove useful one day when I need to see a psychiatrist.

When it rains it pours.

I'm not just referring to the nightly downpours that we have.

I got my letter of permanency the other day. At long last! Along with the letter came so many blessings!

  • I was invited to be a guest lecturer of systems analysis and design at NCC

  • I was invited to be Software Engineering specialist of the SPIDER (Sweden's Program for Information Communication and Technology Development for Developing Regions)

  • I was invited to become the Cisco QA for the Philippines

  • I was invited to take CCNA for instructors

  • I was invited to go to Palawan for the CIO conference of the Commission on Information Communication and Technology

  • The partnership with an adjunct faculty from Monash University was approved

  • My baby still loves me!

Of course, these will be a lot of work but I am already very excited.

I have enrolled Graph Theory this trimester and I don't know what will happen next. Hopefully, I will be able to do good in my subject and be able to deliver in my other activities. I hope I will not neglect swimming. I can see I have already neglected my Aikido. I hope to be able to come back soon. I miss it terribly. I am glad, I am back to swimming, stair climbing and crunches.

I cannot help but thank the Lord for all of the blessings that He is sending my way.

Thank You Lord.

It's raining blessings and I'm not complaining! :D

Missing the Beat

What do you do when you begin to question what is? Is it a reason to panic when doubt eats you up because you begin to wonder if everything that you have worked so hard for is beginning to fall apart?

I have always been the pragmatic one. I look ahead and I worry of what is to come. When I worry of what is out there, then I begin to doubt what is in the now. In the past, I have taken trips into the future, but lately, the loneliness in the struggle to paint a better picture of what is to be is taking its toll.

When finally, this was brought into the open. Gently, the cold fact revealed itself to me, I realized that I will just have to learn how to look past this because though we may be dancing to the same music, we were dancing in a different beat. While dancing in the same beat without stepping on the other's foot is already difficult, it gets harder when you are not in the same beat.

It is not my wish to stop dancing, nor do I pray to follow a different beat. I do not wish for another partner but I do pray for acceptance, that I may see beyond this and that we may eventually, without forcing ourselves find our feet one day move to a common beat, the beating of our hearts united as one.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Pains and Joys of a Term's End

Term break has begun officially last Thursday. It spans 11 days and currently I am on my 5th day of vacation. Well not really a vacation because I have so much to do. In fact, I have much to do, I decided to post my to do list. This way, if I am unable to do my tasks, I will have to face the embarassment of not being able to do all those that I promised to do on my blog. All these I have to do in, the remaining 6 days that I have. Oh my...

So much for a break. I'm counting my blessings though. I can't imagine how I'll manage all those if I had to teach as well.

Last term went well for me. I'm really blessed and I thank the Lord for that. Last term did not go so well for some of my students though. It was by choice if you ask me.

I had students who failed because they cheated in their project. How was I sure? They used servlets. These students were not taught how to use servlets. I taught them beans and jsp because servlets might be too complex for them given that their OOP foundation is very weak. To all those who graduated years ago, I am talking about a different specialization.

I knew they did not do it so I asked where in the program they call the doGet method. I knew they will not be able to answer that because they will not be ablt to find the explicit call in the program anywyhere. Eventually, (after draining me of my energy) they admitted that they cheated. You'd think it would end there. No. They were asking for a compromise. Wow... Talk about bargaining. I made it clear that they are in no position to ask for a compromise... Hello!!!

I asked them to write a letter admitting what they did. I did not tell the Discipline Office but I gave them a 0.0. A zero in the project is an automatic 0.0 since the project is 40% of their grade.

The did write me a letter which I got days later. They apologized but in their letter they stated, "... we believe we can prove that we have learned something in our subject. If indeed we did not meet the objectives of the course, we will gladly accept our punishment.." Aggh... How do you make these people realize that the objectives have nothing to do with their getting a 0.0. They cheated. In the handbook it clearly states that that merits a 0.0. Arg...

These students I remember to throw tantrums when they cannot run their Resin or their jsp files... I checked some programming assignments and found out that they also cheated in their homeworks and they have the gall to tell me they deserve to pass.

I did not want to look at their code anymore, until I got curious about an error that showed in the Resin window. I asked the students. I knew what was causing the error and I wanted them to realize where the error was coming from. Unfortunately, the student began to tell me things that were irrelevant, making it apparent that they did not do the project.

They later on admitted that they did not do the project. How stressful it was to fail these students. To think I have spent so much time trying to help them learn the concepts. One of these people came to me regularly, asking me things that were as basic as passing parameters and creating constructors. I have not been as disappointed with my students as I was this first term of this school year. Sometimes, I just want to say... what a waste.

On a lighter note, a student of mine in Personal Effectiveness (similar to ORIENT before) texted me, telling me that she failed. It touched me, that she asked me...

Miss, I need your advice. Kasi I'm not sure if comsci should be my course. I'm really sad cause I failed compro and algtrig. At first I only thought that I would fail compro but I didn't expect to fail Algtrig. I used to believe in myself because my family and friends had high hopes and now I let them down. I act happy, I fooled them into thinking that it's okay. I'll do better next time but right now I don't think I can. The only think I can do well is to cheer people, make them feel better.

I am glad that she saw me as someone she can talk to. In the end, she realized that it's not yet too late and failing these subjects does not mean she is going to be a failure all her life. I told her of a friend I had who failed COMPRO and when she took it again, got a 4.0. I told her that this girl is now enjoying programming more than ever and is receiving a very high salary. I asked her to reevaluate her performance during 1st term. It may be, that there were things she should not have done but did or things she should have but did not.

I know where she is coming from and how in college, failing a course seems like the end of the world but it's not. I know so many who failed a subject or two or even more who have good jobs and are having fun. In the end, it's not the grades that will matter in college but what you learn that will. Of course, I do not tell my students this, this is strictly need to know basis because they might not take their studies seriously anymore.