Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Defying Gravity

I am currently obsessing with Wicked. I have read the book and it had a pretty sad story but this did not stop me from checking out the musical on YouTube. Learned that the story was totally overhauled and the musical has a lighter story and it has a happy ending! I soh want to watch the musical! I love the songs! I love the lyrics! I found out that it was Stephen Schwarz wrote the lyrics, the guy behind the lyrics of Pocahontas and I just love the songs of Pocahontas!

My current favorite is Defying Gravity. i love it because it just empowers me. Something that I need right now. I just feel myself rejuvenated with positive energy after listening to it. It makes me feel like I can really soar the limitless sky and really explore. I love that Elphaba is such a strong character, unafraid to be alone. Once upon a time, I had that strong a spirit and I hope to get that back. In the meantime, I am going to listen to Elphaba sing about how things are unlimited and hopefully, her independence and free spirit will rub off on me.

(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

If we work in tandem:

There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABA So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I hope you're happy!

Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

:Bring me down!

No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her



Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Bag Reveal

The bag that my Dad gave me last September. Mine is larger

than the one in the pic though because he gave the Gucci Web Large Tote. The one in the photo is a medium.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


These are Pests who text (i.e., candidates who are campaigning and ruining others' reputation via text). I do not care about what you have to say. Spare me the negative vibes.

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Monday, December 28, 2009

iTouch Blog


Finally an app that works with my blog! Now lazy me can just blog away on my iTouch!!! *woot* I think this is one of the best apps there is... nifty!!! Of course That is a biased opinion so do not listen to me. Allow me to apologize in advance for typos, I have stubby fingers :).

I accompanied my sister to Greenhills after meeting up with cousin and niece at SM North who are staying in Novaliches. Found out iTouch 3rd Gen is 1,700 Php more than my 2nd Gen! I shoild have waited for that but then again am having a blast with my current iTouch already, who needs the camera... I do. I can be such a cam w@$&3 sometimes... Photobooth on my MacbookPro should be enough thwaps self! But there are a lot of apps that are available on the net... OMG Gollum moment... Pardon. *sheepish grin*

Last night I felt sad. I mean really sad like depressed sad it was really not good. Thank goodness today is a better day and am no longer sad. I am waiting for better days, for when the sun will shine brightly again, for when my rainbow will appear again. Gloom has been around for such a long time already. I think I am ready for the new day the rainbow promises.

On the brighter side of things, my paper got accepted at a conference and so I will be leaving early next year *woot!*. I really do

need this! I need time away from many things. I will be submitting another paper to a local conference too so I guess there are trips in the early onset of 2010. I am liking 2010 already :).

Thank You Lord!

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009


I just finished watching Serendipity and I did not like how it was presented. I did not like the parts that seemed utterly useless... I did not get why the director decided to always show the traffic or why there were a lot of things that were shot in fast forward. It just did not make much sense to me.

However, I liked the story. While it may sound far fetched, sometimes life is hard to explain like the movie.

Life is complicated like that and sometimes we just have to trust where our feet take us.

Just Another Day

I like it that we no longer have to give out grades on course cards. It saves me time and voice. It also makes it less stressful for me as I need not see all the students all at once. I just have to deal with those who really need me to answer their questions about their grades.

This morning a student of mine was asking me to give him a .325 since it was Christmas and all. I hate being asked to play god because I am not a god. I do not know where I can get the score from. .325 is a whole lot of points and my students had to work for that. I told him this and it was just not sinking in. I do not give them grades, I merely compute their grades. I was glad that most students embraced this and understood this.

Upon checking my records I found out that this kid consistently had low scores in his written exams. I checked his written exam scores and I noticed that he has difficulty writing programs. This is the objective of the course and based on the written assessment he was unable to complete this objective. The wise voice told me to allow him to program something. I asked him to program Bubble Sort, something I discussed in class and it also appeared on their finals.

He was not able to do it.

After this, he accepted his grade wholeheartedly.

I thank that voice that told me to have him program because it saved me from emotional anguish and I think it helped the kid accept his grade too.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Today I was asked... yet again... to become a nun! *haha*

The Sisters at MACE were asking me if I wanted to become one of them. Now some of my colleagues are prodding me to become one. *haha* Life is a very unpredictable ride... Who knows? For now, I do not think I am being called for that. :)

It was fun giving away gifts at MACE. The kids had fun but we had more fun. Somehow the Lord always outdoes us. It's amazing.

Thank You Lord for the opportunity to be able to help out and to make kids smile.

Next year I hope even more people will join us at MACE. :)

Friday, December 18, 2009


What makes an individual act against what one really wants. As in deep down inside it is what you want and yet you act against it? Is it a Messianic complex thinking that if this person displeases oneself, it will be for the greater good? I am trying to dissect this phenomenon because it has happened to me and you see... at the end of the day, it did no one, as in no one any good.

I wonder if this happens to other people too... It is frustrating, infuriating and mind-boggling for after all, was it not Freud who said we never act by virtue of altruism? It is always for reasons of self-preservation. I think I have witnessed this many times in my life to be able to really say that yes, I find this very true.

So, I wonder, what was it that pushed me to do what deep inside I knew I did not want? Is it a history of not getting what I want and still getting by? Is it pure sheer misconceived notion of convenience? Is it a history of being a doormat? Is it because I was just not thinking or was it a case of overdoing thinking? I have been asking myself these questions for a while now because really, this has changed the course of my life forever and I cannot even, for the life of me, figure out the answer to this very simple question.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Another Desperate Moment

I am crying like a crazy woman over a Desperate Housewives episode... again!!! *haha* *sob sob*

There is this episode where Lynette was judged because she was emasculating Tom her husband. She was telling Tom how upset she was that she was said to be "cracking his walnuts" *hehe!*. Tom said, "Don't mind them, we both know we are fine.". Later, Tom went to the porch of the old man who judged Lynette and he said, "What you do not know about Lynette is that she grew up without her dad and her mom was an alcoholic. She was the one in charge and in control. Because of this she has the need to be always in control because she is afraid things would fall apart. She cannot control everything but she can control me if I let her. So I let her because that makes her feel safe. Lynette is my job. I need to make her feel safe. ".


I love the writers of Desperate Housewives, the just know how to make my tears fall.


Now, I have to get to work well... not really... I have to get to a party in a few minutes so I better get dressed. Another episode might be another hour of my time and I cannot afford that right now.

Yesterday, I was at one of the branches of Shiseido and accidentally *duh!* left my M&S paper bag there that had the gift for our dear secretary. I was really not sure if I left it there but when I got home I rang them and they really do have it. I am going to claim the gift tonight and thank that woman behind the counter. She is soh nice for telling me the package is there. I love their service. Note to self... will buy all Shiseido stuff from there... I might get my mom sunblock from there too.

Now my head hurts from crying...


Eureka Moment

While strolling in a mall half-awake yesterday with my sister, I had a eureka moment. I realized that I never like where I am. I am always worrying about tomorrow that I do not get to enjoy the moment. When I was single, I wanted to be in a relationship. Eventually, I was able to fix this when I became an active member of the Singles Apostolate and Center for Arts Foundation and many other organizations. Those times were the best times of my single life. Really. I am glad I went through that phase. Best of times!

When I was in a relationship, I wanted to get married. With all the books that I have read about being single and about getting married, you would think I already understand what I was asking for. Clearly, no, I had no clue. Reading books is different from actually being in the situation. Except of course, being in the situation means you just have to live with it.

When I got married, all I could think of was wanting to become a mom. I am never in a phase while really being in the phase. I am always wishing I were in another phase. That totally ruins the experience. So now, I am simply going to enjoy the limbo where I am in. I will live my life a day at a time and see where the Lord will take me. After all, what parent will wish his child ill? Clearly not the Father.

I think yesterday, I finally realized that I have to give my life to the Potter's Hand.

I would be the most terrible of clay to mold but He is the best Potter there is.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

La Tex

I have finally finished writing the paper for a conference. I have sent it to my colleagues for comment and while I know I will have to revisit it, it makes me smile knowing I have written my first paper on LaTex. It really is so much easier to take care of citations using LaTex. Taking care of my bibliography used to be my most loathed part of writing the paper... Now it's actually very manageable especially since I am also using! It makes my life so much easier. While I was already able to tweak TexMaker so that the font of my editor is bigger, I still have difficulty editing my work because I like reading my work from beginning to the last part and it annoys me to see so many "tags" on the document. I get annoyed that I compile my work so I can get the .pdf format and then when I see things I want to edit, it annoys me that I have to close the .pdf and go back to editing my "code" again. Apart from this, I have no complaint.

I had difficulty adding figures at first but a friend of mine pointed out that I should use .eps format. After I started using that things became soh much easier! Yahoo!!! I will tell my group to use the same format because they also had problems with the figures. I am yet to learn creating tables *duh!* but I will get there when the need for it arises...

Tomorrow I will focus on machine project demonstrations *gags!* . Hopefully my students will be able to do very well. I have not tabulated their Finals yet although I already have the results in my bag. I had to focus on the paper first. Oh and yeah, I have a grading sheet for the thesis that I need to take care of too...


What a long day. I am now very tired. I am hoping to wake up really early tomorrow morning for the simbang gabi...

I hope this is the year that I get to complete the simbang gabi. :)

Good night world!

Thank You Lord for the yet again very beautiful day that You have gifted me with. I am very grateful.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Cafe LaTex

I am finally writing in LaTex for a few days now. :)

I struggle because I like writing with big letters. I struggle because one of the two topics is really not my area. It's hard to write about something that is not your area. Nonetheless, I am making do. :)

I need to finish most of this by tonight so that my adviser can go over it and give me comments. I cannot say I have really been slaving over this for a while now hehe... I have put it off because I had other things that I had to attend to like teaching and other papers and other unnecessary things haha like watching musicals! Darn!

I know I just need to focus on this and I will be able to do this. I just know I can. What in the world is wrong with me?! Must. Focus. Of course it does not help that I got less than an hour of sleep last night. I hope my brain will cut me some slack tonight and allow me to finish this paper so that I can really rest well later.

I have to think about what is to come... If I finish this paper... *big grin* I must. I must. I must. I need this. :)

Desperate Housewives

I have not had this little sleep since I had to do my master's thesis. Funny thing is, I was not up doing my dissertation last night. I was just really awake but trying so hard to fall asleep. It was already an ungodly hour and I was still up. Aaargh... I just could not stop my brain from churning useless things. It would have helped if I were at least processing something useful and significant... but nooh... it had to be something as mundane as... never mind. Too mundane to even mention here. *sigh*

I saw Desperate Housewives last night because my sister has been harassing me so we can watch on my Mac. She has now copied them to my HD so she can watch at her own convenient time which should really be not this week because it's Finals Week but I do not think that will stop her.

In one of the episodes, Carlos was diagnosed by the doctor and was told that there is a big chance that he could see again. Gabby his wife started panicking because she has gained a lot of weight and she felt she has let herself go. Of course this is Eva Longoria we are talking about so yes, she still looks hot hehe... Anyhow, compared to the old Gabby, she is several notches lower, use your imagination. She has gained a bit of weight and she is not as glamorous as before anymore because they do not have money anymore since Carlos went blind.

So one night before they slept Gabby told Carlos that she is worried that Carlos might be disappointed because she has lost her luster. She did not want him to be disappointed. Carlos just laughed and he said, "Do you know when I knew I was going to marry you?". Gabby answered, "Yes. When you saw me walking on the catwalk.". To this Carlos said, "That was the time when I knew I wanted to sleep with you. I knew I wanted to marry you when we had dinner and you were up to your elbows eating ribs and you did not care if there was meat hanging in between your teeth and when I told you how terrible you looked you just laughed. When I heard your laughter I just knew I wanted to hear that for the rest of my life.". This of course made me tear up already but what Gabby said made my tears fall. She said,"Do you know when I decided to spend the rest of my life with you?" and Carlos said, "No." and then Gabby said, "Two seconds ago. Before that it was pretty much touch and go.".


They fight a lot but I have always known Carlos loved Gabby soh much. *sigh*

Another episode that made me cry was that one about the handyman Ely Scrubs. My sister pointed out, sometimes the person who touches our lives deeply is the one we tend to overlook and take for granted. Aww...

I have missed watching Desperate Housewives. I really have.

Yes, I am still thinking about what Carlos said to Gabby and I am wondering... *sigh*

Cast Away

I feel like I am a drifter right now, aimlessly swimming in an ocean not knowing where to go or where the waves will take me. I sort of wonder every now and then if being shackled at the bottom of the ocean was better. Sure, I was drowning slowly, but at least I knew where I was. Now I don't know. At all. Where am I? Where is the current going to take me? Will there be a shore that I can finally land?

I stare now in the heavens, in all its wonderful order, it stares at me back. Amidst all of these clashing noisy waves, I see serenity in the dark velvet sky studded with stars of hope. While everything seems to keep on moving there is the Northern Star that will remain constant. It will guide my wandering bark, my vagabond vessel to where I should go, for now I just have to trust and let the waves carry me to where I should go. Hopefully, the waves are enough to wash me of my skepticism and cynicism so that when I land, I am ready to start anew.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Don't Die on Me Sim

My sim is dead. No not the game Sims' Sim. My SIM card is dead. I hope it comes back to life soon otherwise, I have to get a new effing number!!! Arrgh!!!

I feel really sad because I feel disconnected. Yes, even with FB, YM and Skype, I feel horribly disconnected without my phone. *sigh* It's not even that I text a whole lot, it is just knowing that I have a phone and I cannot use it anytime I want makes me sad. Today of all days, people were looking for me and they could not contact me because my SIM decided to die on me last night. Aaargh...

Okay enough ranting. On the brighter side of things, I have had a restful day. This is a good preamble to the hectic days that will come very soon like uhm... tomorrow. I have to visit a company tomorrow to talk about the practicum program. After which I have to pay for my insurance which by the way, I cannot do because I need to transfer funds and to do that I need the transaction number that will be sent to my phone which is not working!!! *arrghh!* Right, everything leads to me and ranting about my phone... Grrr....

I got to run today and i got to use the stationary bike longer because the guy on the treadmill just won't quit hehe... I still have adrenalin and endorphins pumping in my blood right now so the phone is not getting me all depressed as it may seem here on my post. I just like to rant all the time. :)

BTW, I got to go to a mall penniless for two days today. The first time was last December 8 because I heard mass. The schedule at our chapel was changed and so I was displaced at another chapel. Boo. Today, I got to go to the mall without money because my friends bade me to go with them and eat at the mall. I just finished my workout then and so my stuff were still in the faculty room. They just lent me money and so I got to enjoy at the mall without having to carry a bag and a wallet. *wow!* So not me but it felt liberating. :)

All for now! :)


Today, my being a humble teacher was yet again justified by my students.

It was our last meeting of the trimester and I was not at all expecting my students to show up. I started with a prayer and then after which, I started distributing their papers that I have amassed over the trimester. I have checked all of them and left my notes on them as well.

Then I started to notice that some of my students were in the hall. I was asking some of my students why their classmates were outside and then one by one my students also walked out of the room. One of them said, "Miss before you go on, we have something for you." They then surprised me with a cake and a song. One of them was playing the guitar. For the love of me, I cannot remember which song this was. All I know was that at that very moment I was really, really touched. My heart was touched by these young people who were so thoughtful.

After a while, because they looked like they were in a procession, one of them started singing "Ave Maria". This kept me from spilling my tears. I was really fighting the tears because I did not want them to see... Wow... The students came prepared with a camera and they captured the entire thing and all the other moments after that. :)

I will really miss that class. I hope and pray hard that I will be given another class as wonderful as them because they make teaching worthwhile. And no, no money in the world can take the place of the feeling that I had earlier.


The cake tastes wonderful too... Hehe it has mallows and caramel in between. Yum! My sister loved it! :)

Thank You Lord for this wonderful gift.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Judge... Only for Now

Do not think that because I am not in the same road as you are, I am lost. I simply choose to travel the path not taken. Ergo, I do not want to travel with you.... just kidding.

I habe been judged and I have judged others as well many times but you know what? Life has taught me not to judge because it has a way of making you understand. You find yourself sooner or later in more or less the same situation. O nly then do you feel the fangs of life biting your behind. So beforeyou speak remember that life has a way of teaching.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009


I am shaking...

I do not know if I am angry, frustrated... All I know is that there is an intense emotion inside me choking me. I guess I am angry. I hate it when people tend to think they completely understand when in fact they do not. I was anticipating this and I am guessing more will come my way. Very soon. I have to brace myself.

I know it will be a difficult ride but this must be done to avoid more damage.

Some things others would never understand lest they have walked a mile in my shoes.

I feel better now.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009


I am now addicted to iTouch. I do the following using my iTouch:

1. iCal
2. tweet and check out other's tweets
3. listen to music
4. YM
5. play games
6. FB
7. check out my fave blogs there
8. doodle

I am soh glad I got the iTouch!!!


I finally finished checking one section's deliverables yahoo!!! Tomorrow, I will check another batch! Goal is to finish all three sections this week so I can focus on the paper by next week. I still have a mentoring report to write ayayayay!!!

I am still on overdrive but I think I'm a go home now to spend some quality time with my gushing sister! :)

Now, if only I can finish uploading the grades of one of my sections... *sigh*

It's taking forever. Then again, with my patience (or lack thereof) everything takes forever.


Perky Perk!

I am very happy because today is the last day of one of my classes. This is a nonacademic class that to me means, spa teaching *hehe!* because I get relaxed when I teach these courses. Just pure unadulterated good feeling.

Academic subjects while mentally stimulating can also cause deep emotional stress, particularly the academic subject I handle this term. I worry about my students a lot. I will talk about this some other time though. :)

Going back, I asked the students to write an integrative essay and I found out that they appreciated the Community Project that I have asked them to come up with. They felt empowered and they now know that they can do so much to make a difference. Of course it helped that Efren Penaflorida won the CNN Hero of the Year Award. I got to vote for him! *yehey!* Some of my students voted as well!

The best perk of teaching is knowing that I not only get to teach minds but I get to touch hearts and hopefully in the long run, transform lives. That and I get to sleep as long as I want and do whatever I want on the side *hahaha!*. Thank You Lord for this gift. :)

Definitely, Maybe.

I just saw Definitely, Maybe tonight and it reinforced what I have written on my journal many, many years ago (I think it might have been a decade ago already). Love is not like an opportunity, it does not knock only once. Cheesy I know, and you may say I did not know any better. Back then, I was probably nineteen, never been in love, never had a boyfriend. Ironically though, I find that that girl had more wisdom than I do now. I was just too arrogant to read my old journals to realize how much the younger me made sense... I digress...

The movie reminds me that the door will open if you have the patience to count to thirty. Nothing in life is as we plan because otherwise it will be so boring and predictable. As they say, no matter how far down the wrong road you are, you can always turn back.

i think this is why I loved the movie, it was full of choices and while there were so many wrong turns, at the end of the day, there are still many more choices! *wahaha* Just kidding! The optimist inside me (which is not a huge chunk of me) thinks that it all worked out in the end. It just took some time but the most worthwhile of things are the most worthy of one's time.

I loved the movie... I do not think I will watch it again soon but it's definitely one of the movies I enjoy the most. Other films would be:
1. City of Angels *sigh*
2. Shakespeare In Love (This I can watch over and over and over)
3. Before Sunset (I find this overly romantic)
4. Definitely, Maybe
5. Legends of the Fall (And it's not just because of Brad Pitt)