Monday, December 11, 2006

Love on a Higher Level

My boyfriend loves me and I love him.

That alone should make me happy. Still I find my self finding faults in an almost perfect relationship. My boyfriend has surrounded me with so much love and yet I am searching for romance. I look for surprises like those he gave me in the past when we were still starting out.

Now that I think about it, he has not ceased surprising me. He surprises me by picking me up at UP without me telling him to. He just shows up every night to make sure I do not take a cab home. Still the knight in shining armor. He surprises me every time I pick a fight, he would always pick the words to use, fix what's wrong and patiently listen even when I refuse to speak a word. He surprises me whenever he is willing to give in to my requests and preferences. He surprises me in so many ways that I cannot enumerate all.

There was nothing wrong with him. It was me. I failed to see the romance in all the love he was pouring out on me. I am glad I have realized this before everything has gone.

As I was wondering and fumbling about this, I came across an e-mail of his that's almost a year old. It's a forwarded message but it's a really nice one. I don't normally post forwarded messages and most of the time I do not bother to read them but this might help you as it helped me.

This is my favorite part in the passage:

"That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments... "

The whole passage is pasted below.

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature,
and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to
admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before,
has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a
relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a
little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his
lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into
marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to
him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything
in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted
cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even
express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody
it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have
started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if
can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want
flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that
picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by
listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with
his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table
the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the
reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and
cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help
restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to
home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save
eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by
autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your
eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip
your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also
hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine
the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the
color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more
than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and
as I conntinue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied,
open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread
and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly
with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I
have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments...


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