Tuesday, March 29, 2005

My Very Good Friday

Friday morning I was planning to go with the Singles Apostolate but I never got the e-mail about the details. I thought I was going to wait for another year to go to one. But he said he'd take me to do the Way of the Cross.

He was going with his family for a Vicita Iglesia already so I assumed we were just going to a nearby church. Nope! He did it all over again for me. Okay, this is very conceited of me. He did it for the Lord and the goodness of his heart. He picked me up and so I suggested St. Michael Church, the nearest church to our house in Cavite.

We then proceeded to St. Andrew's Church. This church is very dear to my heart because this is where I spent most of my childhood. I went to school in St. Paul and well this church is across my school. I used to be a lector there. I was glad he picked that one.

He drove us to St. Joseph Church but unfortunately it was closed. He toured me to the school grounds instead because that was where he went from kinder to high school.

The next stop was the Shrine of the Child Jesus at Macapagal Avenue. There were too many people in the church and I guess the lay ministers there figured that one out because they set up stations of the cross outside of the church. After the fifth and sixth stations, he asked me if we can go to the sea wall. It's really breathtaking there! Wow! He took pictures of me and then we took pictures of us. The pictures turned out great, looked as though we were in a ship hehe... :)

We then proceeded to San Isidro Church, this is where my brother and I hear mass every Sunday.

I suggested the Malate Church because it was near. He did not hear me. I suggested the second time, he was pretending not to hear. Okay. Let him have his way, he is after all driving.

He drove us to the Manila Cathedral. He was asking me how much it would cost to get married there since I told him a co-faculty got married there. He carried my bag and said he missed carrying a girly bag haha :)

We walked down the street to San Agustin Church. He said that was also the second to the last church that they visited earlier that day. No doubt at this point, I was just sooh glad I was doing this with him the first time.

Our last stop was the Quiapo church. You see, I had this thing with the Lord years ago. I asked him if he could give me a clue if the guy is the one already. I asked him if it would be possible if this guy can invite me to go to the Quiapo church. Well, my first boyfriend did that but we never really got to go to Quiapo we went to the Sta. Cruz church instead but I thought that counted haha :) I ended up having a relationship with that jerk... anyway... going back...

We went to Quiapo and we did the 13th and 14th stations there. It just felt so right at that time. I silently asked the Lord to bless our friendship. I was tempted to ask the Lord to let us be together but then what do I know? He knows best. He's weaving me into the person he wants me to be. As to what the purpose of this wonderful guy is in my life, I leave that unto Him.

At the end of the day, everything was just in place.

Sea Wall Posted by Hello

Monday, March 28, 2005

Wherever you are...

I love to see the ocean's beauty
And the moon that shines above
Alone in the sand lookin at the stars
Wishing someday I would find true love

Wouldn't be nice to see the morning
With the one you love the most
Wouldn't be nice to say goodnight
To the one you hold so close
To your heart, to your heart...

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

I love to sit in fields of green
Looking deeply thru the sky
Watching birds as they flap by
Hoping someday faith will bring me true love

Wouldn't be nice to hold someone
So dear, n near your heart
Wouldn't be nice to hear those words
I love you, from the one
That you love, that you love

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

I love to see myself one day
In the arms of someone
Who will share her life with me
Selflessly, someday you will find your way,
To me . . .

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are

The wind that blows the dove
Is the wind that blows my love
Hoping to find its way to you
Wherever you are, Wherever you are

Wherever You Are

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I need a kiss Mister God...

"Fynn, you can love better than any people that ever was, and so can I , can't I? But Mister God is different. You see, Fynn, people can only love outside and can only kiss outside, but Mister God can love you right inside, and Mister God can kiss you right inside, so it's different. Mister God ain't like us; we are a little bit like Mister God, but not much yet."

Taken from
Mr. God, This is Anna
by Fynn

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

What a waste...

I saw the movie Alfie tonight with ***. The movie scared me because the guy there was a player and somehow, whatever little trust was left for the male species was wiped out by that movie. I might need to watch Hitch again. But that's a fairy tale. Is there really someone out there? Or am I just fooling myself? I used to be fine. I used to get along just fine until I met ***. Now I am just a wreck. I can't seem to just stay put and not think about the hurt that will come after this. This was further aggravated by the movie.

I hate competition and right now I feel like I am competing with that girl from the States. I have no way of knowing what's up with them. If they communicate still... I have no idea. I don't know what's going on in his head. I know that is no business of mine. But do I not have the right to know if he's just really passing the time by talking to me or by staying up late for me? Is he just super nice? Or is it okay for me to expect?

Darn! Why am I expecting? Why am I waiting? I don't even know if I'm just forcing the attraction. I don't know. It's not like I'm closing the door to other possibilities... It's just that I have this feeling that we just might be compatible. I know... I always start this way when I like someone.

This entry is just plain stupid. Sorry, I'm just writing to clear my head and I can see that this is not helping at all. He's texting me on the side. Should I cut all forms of communication to find out if he'll miss me? I don't want him to think he did something wrong.

I feel bad too 'cause sometimes I feel I would have been better off had I not met this guy anymore. He had this girl and well, I had my life. Though he did help me and my ex of one year already to finally decide to part ways. He helped me keep that decision so I guess it was good that we met... I know I am rambling

Monday, March 21, 2005

Letter from a Friend


Sigh! I truly empathize with you. I know exactly how you feel. Ganyan na ganyan ako mga...3 days

Ago?? Hahaha

What’s the difference between today and 3 days ago?;) It’s this: I realize that, yes, I found the man

Of my dreams. Grabe, for one rare moment, i can say that there is nothing more i can ask for in

A guy. AS IN! he has everything i have ever dreamed of in a guy. He’s a really, REALLY great guy.

But i realized that I have met a lot of really, really great guys. But they’re just not THE ONE for me

Yet. Kase God doesn’t only what me to have my dream guy. He wants me to have all I ever dreamed of

In a guy... AND MORE!

Hon, i’m no smarter than you when it comes to matters of the heart (we both know that!!! :p). but

All i can say is “wait patiently for the Lord.” If *** is THE ONE for you, it will be God who will

Weave your love story. Remember what we talked about before? (sabi ni Bo WAIT.) Jesus said

“For I know the plans I have in mind for you; plans for your well-being and not for woe; plans to give

you a future full of hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

imagine: He has planned YOUR LOVE STORY for you!!! Sobrang

Ganda at sobrang kilig yun i’m sure!!! :) :)

It’s not bad to have feelings for men, especially for really good ones like ***. But it’s up to

Us women to guard our hearts and preserve it for the man God is preparing for us. I know it’s

Really hard. I’m struggling with the exact same thing right now. But let’s try to be patient

And wait for God kase i don’t know about you, but i’m tired of getting my hopes up over some

Guy and then having my heart trampled over time and time again.

Just take it one day at a time honey. In faith, i am sure you are at the exact perfect place where

God wants you to be-- As a very good friend of ***. And that’s a really good place to start

Any relationship. There’s no need to rush into things. Everything has its perfect time right? :)

Maybe God is asking you to give to him the steering wheel of

Your love life? :D Will you want him to have it?


I don't know if I say this all the time when I'm beginning to like a person but here goes...

I have known him only a total of four weeks. We have seen two movies, hung out 'til 2am at the Bay Walk, talked 'til 2am at Starbucks, drag raced along a national road, saw DVD movies together, discussed our previous relationships, he got me out of a hell-project by helping me 'til 3am. We have both had discussions on what we want out of a partner, my family has met him already. He has already spent a day with my little sister at EK. We talk all the time via YM. He can sustain a conversation with me for the longest time. He does not bore me. He hears mass every Sunday. He thinks of the future seriously. He shares the same dream of having a family someday. Though mine is just an idea, more of a suggestion to myself, he is determined to have one. He also dreams of working abroad. He is an athlete. He does not mind if his girl would wear daring outfits, says he can defend her anyway since he looks like a bouncer. He cracks me up. He's a great driver. He shares the same love for pirated DVDs hehe... He can calm me during my most kill-me-already moments. These are all so superficial. I know. I know I should slow down. But how can I? I can't even pause to organize these thoughts? They are just coming. I want to stop. This is dangerous. I know he isn't courting me yet. I know 'cause he has not given me flowers yet. I know he has a thing for another girl he met in the States. Yes, it hurts. So why am I giddy about this? I am not a risk taker but why am I risking getting hurt big time? Why? I hate myself for this.

Perhaps I have survived too many broken hearts for me to even worry about another painful experience. This just might be worth the pain later on.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Somebody stop me please!!!

Have you ever fallen in line to ride a big rollercoaster? When you feel like everything in your stomach is in a loop, and you feel like coughing them out? You fear for your life but you also fear leaving the amusement park without having tried the rollercoaster. While you are in the ride, you feel a kaleidoscope of emotions, excited, scared, dumb, regretful, everything but when the ride is over, you just feel nauseated like you really got nothing from the ride. Nothing but the fear, anxiety, excitement basically the torture of it. Yet after all these, you know that will not be the last time you will want to ride it. I am feeling this right now. Somebody stop me. I do not want to ride the mean machine.

I met a nice guy.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Bring Me To Life

To those wondering. I do not have a broken heart buy my friend has. She just broke up with a three year boyfriend and right now I think it's not just her heart, it's her soul, it's her being, it's her. I feel for her because I trudged the same path she is trekking now.

The prayer meeting I attended last night was something I really want to remember. Not just for myself but for my friend as well. I was silently praying that I may remember the important parts.

Do you remember the time when Jesus brought Lazarus to life?

Martha and her sister sent message to Jesus when Lazarus has fallen ill. They wanted Jesus to come and heal him. But Jesus waited for two days. He waited for two days and because of this, Lazarus died. When Jesus finally came, she told Jesus, "He would have lived if you just came. You loved Lazarus". Jesus, went to Lazarus' tomb and brought him to life.

Jesus loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus yet he let Lazarus die.

There are times in our lives when we ask Jesus to heal us, from past hurts, broken relationships, lousy job among many others.

Sometimes he waits for two days, sometimes the answer seems to never come.

But we should remember that when Jesus finally came, he did not simply heal... No. He did so much more than Martha and her sister asked him to, he brought him to life.

When we lift up to Him our prayers and answers do not seem to come. It's because He is waiting for the perfect time. He has perfect timing. He is our Father. He loves us and will never wish us ill. He wants what is best for us and He knows what is best for us. When we were kids we did not always understand our parents and their rules but nonetheless we followed because we trusted in their love and in their heart. Let us do the same with the Lord. Let us trust in His heart even at times when it is so difficult.

This song says it all...

Trust in His Heart

All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what's best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So, when your pathway grows dim,
And you just can't see Him,
Remember He's still on the throne.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
when you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.
He sees the Master plan.
He holds the future in His hands.
So don't live as those who have no hope.
All our hope is found in Him.
We walk in present knowledge,
But He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him.
God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
When you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Trust in Him

"God is too wise to be mistaken,
God is too good to be unkind,
So if you don't understand,
If you can't see His plan,
If you can't trace His hand,
Trust His heart."

-I just wanted to share this. Isn't it sooh beautiful. A few years ago, I was a broken person after an almost one year relationship ended. I did not understand then but I do now. Am I glad I never really ended up with that person. It's so difficult to let the Potter's Hand mold me but I know when He is done with me I will be quite a work of art. For now, I have to let Him do what He does best!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Too Different

When the Lord asks you to put down something it's because he wants you to pick up something greater.

I agree. This comforted me years ago after a devastating break up. This same line comforted me when my recent ex hurt me. I found out that it's easier to get dumped than to dump someone. And this line just won't cut it.

We had almost three months of a relationship. It was okay but we fought a lot. I knew my set of values were different from his. My expectations simply were not met but I kept quiet because I wanted to make it work. Everytime we fought he drove me to my edge. One night he said that he thought of another girl as he kissed me. Okay. That was a bit more than my poor self can take. When I told him I felt exploited and abused he justified his actions by saying all guys do this. We argued some more. His conclusion? That we just break up.

The next morning he came to my door asking if I wanted him back. Crap no. I did not want to forgive him but it was Christmas so I did. Slowly, I found myself opening up to him again. Darn. We never got back together but almost everyone thought we were an item. He exerted more effort this time around. My family did not like him. And in spite his efforts we still argued a lot. A lot is an understatement.

A year later, I knew. We can never be. We are too different. But how do I break it to him without hurting him? A friend of mine said I have to be mean to be kind. I love him as a friend. He's fragile and if I can take all the hurt I am causing him right now, I will gladly embrace it.

I pray he'll be alright soon. It hurts me more to see him hurt. If only things were more simple.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Rubbing Elbows

I was invited to host in front of professionals who graduated from my school. Was I nervous! My co-host was a vice-president for PCI and I was well... I felt so small. Figuratively speaking of course, what with my new hairdo I am anything but that. My last class finishes at 5:50 pm and the program in Makati begins at 7:30. I only had 20 minutes to fix myself so I can make it on time for the event. Believe me, I don't know how I did it but I pulled through. I was a nervous wreck while in the car, I have not practiced yet and most of the resumes I have not looked at yet. But the Lord is kind and He made me get there on time. I think I did okay since the people were polite enough to laugh at my jokes. I had a ball! It was the most exciting hosting ever because there was no script and most of the time I was just myself. Lookign forward to another job like that!