Thursday, March 02, 2006


The shadow of melancholia has engulfed me. I try to evade it but to no avail. It seems that whenever I see the light, I become to frantic and almost as soon as I realize my efforts to elude has succeeded, I find myself back to where I started.

I do not know where this is all rooting from. In a society that shuns psychiatric aid, I am not among those who seek help. Could it be that I am unhappy with my work? Do I not find the sense of fulfillment anymore? How can I not when there is just so much to do? I am stressed beyond words but then again, I have to ask myself... Have I done enough to feel stress even? Once again, the mere thought of doing exhausts me and so I end up doing nothing.

I guess I don't need to pay a shrink after all.

The way I feel could also be rooting from not being able to spend time the way I want to. It seems that I have not been able to do what I want when I want to. I feel always obliged to do something for someone. The number one rule to not to get stressed is the rule I can never do. Say NO. It breaks my heart to see other people's heart break. It breaks my heart not to be able to do everything. Now I am beginning to see, that not breaking my heart is breaking me.

Could it be that I am sabotaging my happiness? I mean I can be happy right now but I am choosing not to be for some odd reason. Why am I not happy? I mean, why do I have the urge to just sulk?

I better get to work. Perhaps my lack of productivity is getting me all depressed. Not being able to swim today because of the Accenture talk is making me doubly sad. Wish I could swim but I can't.

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