Rainbow After The Rain

Last Sunday was a great day for me because I got to go see my college
buddies again. It was surreal to see their kids. I can still vividly
remember snippets of our college days. Who would have thought that in
a few years our lives would be like this. It is always a joy for me to
hold in my embrace kids. The more I hold kids in my arms, the more I
realize that I should be teaching younger minds. The more I am
reminded that I also want my own kids... But I do not want to whine
tonight... Actually, I am sick of whining in my head. I just have to
put everything unto Him and He will take care of everything.

As if being with kids was not enough, I had another sweet surprise
waiting for me that night. It was just what I needed after two weeks
of agony. I know, I know I am such a brat. I understand that other
people are in much more pain but we all have different thresholds
okay. Mine is not that great. Don't be hatin'.

Today was another nice bonus. I was not particularly cheerful this
morning but this afternoon and evening was a blast. I got to see
somebody's dream come to fruition. Congratulations! I am so happy and
proud of you!

Medal

I was at PGH today to see my dentist and I got there an hour early. I
was pleased to know that they have a 1215 mass at their chapel so I
decided to hear mass. There was somebody who talked about Our Lady of
the Miraculous Medal. I was unable to listen to the rest of the talk
because my mom called but Our Lady made an apparition and has been
interceding for many years now.

They gave out medallions after the mass. I waited for my medallion
before going to see my dentist. I was pleased. I finally understood
the reason for the medallions. At St. Paul, they used to give out the
medallions every October (Universally known as the month of the Holy
Rosary) but I never knew until today that there is Our Lady of
Miraculous Medal behind it. I hope I will not lose my medallion. :)

The homily was again about trials, and chaos and how after all this,
everything will be better.

I thank You dear Lord for the comforting message. I thank You for
always sending me people and comforting words and love.

Yesterday, the homily was about becoming happier and holier. I think
the last few days of turmoil has indeed made me, ironically, happier
and holier. Through the last few days, I was able to take a peek of
somebody who was in emotional anguish. Suddenly, I understood people I
used to not understand. Suddenly, I was more forgiving, more
sympathetic. During the last few days, I felt more love than I have
from the usual and the unusual places. So while the last few days were
horrific and I had moments in the morning when I did not want to get
up, I felt loved.

I realized that sometimes we demand love in the one place where we
cannot get it and totally ignore the abundance of love in other places
that are totally within our reach. We exhaust ourselves obsessing only
to realize in the end that there is more than enough love for you to
go around. Just not in the one place you are expecting it to be but
sometimes, that is fine. You would be surprised that, in time, that
one place may give you some love when you stop obsessing.

Thank You.

I guess it is true that only in the heat of the fire, and the
bludgeons of heavy steel can you forge the finest of swords. Dear
Lord, I also realized in the last few days, that I am fine with the
idea that I am not the best of swords... Enough of the heat and the
bludgeons please. :)

Thanks! :)

I only have 12 days left until my deadly deadline. I better really get
crackin'!!!

Tonight I sleep, tomorrow I work like crazy! :)

*excited!!!*

Crossroads?

I signed up for GodWhispers.com many months ago. Lately, I have bee
going through a rough patch and this email was in my inbox today:

When an obstacle is in front of you, it simply means there are better
paths elsewhere. Paths that are a hundred times better, a thousand
times better, a million times better!

Yippee,

God

P.S. So excited for you, Rhia.

Incidentally, today's homily was also about difficulties. According to
the priest, difficulties are encountered so that better things may
come. While difficulties may sometimes be caused by evil, to triumph
over this always results to a better you, a happier you and a holier
you.

What does this all mean? I am confused...

Shall I do what I normally do? Stand by and watch things unravel?
They say, when You let the Lord do what He does best, You will be
surprised. Please do Your work dear Lord because I am not sure how
long I can withstand being like this... This is driving me nuts.

Let things start getting better.

Please.

Please.

Please.

I really can use a break from all this. *takes a whiff of happiness from bottle*

Cloudy and High

I am giddy happy. I have not been this way in a long time.

I am not sure if it has to do with the Snow Lady and Custle Pao intake.

In the meantime, let me get back to my dissertation.

*floats in my own nimbus cloud of happiness* Isn't it ironic that I
call it nimbus when nimbus as been associated to rain and rain has
been associated to turmoil. Let me change that. *floats in my own
cumulus cloud of happiness* Hmm... but then cumulus are relatively low
clouds. Puffy, yes but they are low... I feel high... *floats in my
own stratus cloud of happiness* Then again, this one has snow and rain
and often not so puffy... *I am in cloud nine enough said*. I don't
understand why but I am and that's all I care about for now.

Super Saturday

Yes, the kind with a red cape and an underwear worn outside. That kind
of super! :)

Tonight was eriously one of the best nights ever!!!

Tonight was loaded and packed with so many sweet surprises! Soh going
to my bottle. :) That makes me sound like a witch *hahaha!!!*. Please
see older entries for context.

I have never been this happy to hear my name said out loud. I never
liked my first name much but hearing it from one of the two oh so cute
and innocent kiddos was priceless. *sigh* I wanted to take the
munchkins home *hahaha!!!*.

I also got a red velvet cupcake. Seriously a great night.

Oh and the movie was funny, I cried and cried laughing.

Thank You Lord!

Now on to the more serious stuff.... Ack.

Little Packages of Cheer

There is no sound on this Earth that beats the sound of happy children.

Thank You for the gift of allowing me to hear innocent kids shriek and
giggle and laugh. My heart melts as I think about it now. Highlight:
One cute little girl said " I love you." to me. *sigh*

This is going straight to my happiness bottle around my neck. :)

Oh and yeah, started programming my prototype today. Am not sure
what's going to happen but it feels nice to be programming. :)

Time Capsule

Today was another blast. I can get used to this. :) Today felt like I travelled back in the past. I was smiling like crazy. I am still smiling like crazy. I want to bottle up all my happiness and memories and wear it as a necklace so I can take a whiff of it whenever I want to remember today.

Thank You. :)

*smiling like crazy*

Sent from my iPod

ROM

Thank You for a beautiful day.

I want to burn today to my memory.

Miss

I miss having a hand to hold. I miss my hand being held. i miss having a hand search for my hand. I miss being wanted. I miss being assured every single day without my bidding. I miss having someone to lean against. I miss being pulled close in an embrace. I miss being longed for. I miss being able to stare into somebody's eyes and seeing myself in delight. I miss feeling warm lips against mine. I miss being wanted. I miss being acknowledged. I miss being somebody's world.

Missing all these make me feel I am missing out on life. I have to stop missing these because life is right in front of me happening. It is not going to wait.

I have to move on, regardless whether I will ever have all that I am missing. I trudge on, wandering listlessly hoping and dreaming.

I dream of being able to dream aloud with another. I dream of staring in the same direction and painting the same picture. I dream of long conversations in silence. I dream of a lifetime of love and laughter and adventure. Others are able to find it, I hope I can too. I want beyond what I miss. I want my dream.

I look around now and I wonder where do I go from here?

Sent from my iPod

Le Sick

Is me.

I just saw my All Laser Lasik Surgery video.

What the hell was I thinking subjecting myself to such a risky operation?!

They cut a flap on my eye and used a metal stick to lift it. That flap
could have torn or there could have been folds and stuff and then that
would have messed things up. I am not saying the doctors were
careless... I am saying many things could have gone wrong. I thank the
Lord because of my recovery. I was praying as I went through the
entire harrowing experience.

I am glad and grateful that my eyes are doing okay according to the
doctor. I can now go back to my usual activities save for swimming. I
have put on my eye cream again... It has been seven days since I last
used it and I can really feel the lack of moisture taking its toll...
Vanity again.

I also found out today that I can still sky dive and scuba dive and
expose myself in high pressure areas even after Lasik. Initially, I
thought they were going to put in lenses in my eyes but apparently,
they just laser the lens of my eyes to fix the refraction.

I could see fear in my eyes as the machine did its thing. I squirmed
as I saw the metal apparatuses on on my eyes and how they treated my
eyes as though it were some sturdy object... Those are my eyes!!!

If I saw a video like this before I had my eyes done, I would never go
through with it...

So far I have just been experiencing drying of the eyes, which I
expected. I hope it does not worsen though... Apart from that, I think
I am okay. I still see some halos when I look at the light directly
but other than that I am fine.

I am delighted by the clearness of things and the fact that I need not
remove my lenses and wear eye glasses. I can take a bath and see my
body parts *info overshare*, I can plank and do other mat exercises
and not have my eye glasses falling off my face. I cannot wait to run!
;)

Hmm... I think I will invite my sister to run this Sunday so she can
also prepare for her HSBC run. :)

2M2M

There was a time when it was not tack to write down too many too
mention but then that was a time when very few things were considered
tacky... Like... Hmm... I am sure there were a few things but there
isn't a single one coming to me now. Blame it on the memory... or
perhaps the lack of taste *relatively!* back when I was young.

A lot has happened to me the past few days. I had my first ever trip
to Vietnam. I am not sure when the next one will be but I am darn sure
it will be for a business trip again because otherwise I will not go
and visit again. I found myself cooped up in one place most of the
time. Their city is nice but then again, I am not that big a fan of
cities... except New York City but that is understandable. :)

I had my Lasik Surgery after I got back from Vietnam and that got me
consumed. Also, I had to finish my machine project in my online class
at Stanford U. Ack... That ate my time. Big time. Now I have another
one. I hope I can do this faster because I have to get back to my
dissertation. I want to kick myself already. I have this feeling that
this should not be as hard as I am making it look. I am just
sensationalizing this and I am hating myself for it.

I am happy I do not have to wear glasses anymore and that the first
thing that I see in the morning is the picture of clarity. That and of
course everything in disarray but clear disarray mind you not the
blurry botch of mixed palette of colors. Happiness!

I went and had my surgery alone. I got into a taxi and got home alone
and most people scolded me because they said I should have asked
somebody to come with me. I did not want to inconvenience another
person and besides I figured whomever I bring along will just freak
and it will not help my nerves either. Besides, my mom did take
herself to the hospital to deliver all three of her children.

I really have to work double time... I do not like the idea but I have
to *heheheh!*.

Thank You dear Lord for a basketful of sweet goodies yesterday. They
made my day. They were so good. :) Thank You for always keeping me
safe and also my loved ones. Thank You for surrounding me with so much
love.

I pray that I may be able to go back to my normal routine very soon
because I can feel my body fat sneaking up on me already. That and the
aging process is beginning to get to me... Arrgh!!!

Then again, I am happy. I guess that is what matters at the end of the
day. That and the number of people I have made happy. Which reminds
me... I do not think the number of the latter is that high yet.

I better sleep. Will try to work on the machine project tomorrow and
get my eyes checked. It has been a week since my Lasik procedure. I
hope everything is fine. I hope both eyes are still 20/20. :)

Sweets

Good morning sa inyo...

My morning was beautiful... sweet, creamy, chilly, chocolatey hehehe...

Thank You Lord for the surprise. It made my morning. I also appreciate another sweet surprise midweek.

Thoughtfulness has always made me smile like crazy. Thank You Lord for making my heart smile. :)

Sent from my iPod

At Peace

I am strangely at peace today. Perhaps it's because it's the feast day of St. Francis of Asissi or maybe the Lord has finally answered my prayer.

Thank You for this gift.

Sent from my iPod

Class

I have just enrolled in and had my first class in one of the online
courses at Standford University. I have been following the professor
for a while now via iTunesU and I am glad I enrolled because it really
gives me a feel of an actual lecture class with recitation and quizzes
haha!!! So far I am doing well. I had two quizzes already. I had to
recall my Calculus. Gah! I think I need to read Leithold TC7 again. :)

Can you tell I am excited? We just did linear regression today and
gradient descent (and how this works if used for linear regression). I
do not teach this in class but maybe I should perhaps this would help
them understand other concepts in machine learning more particularly
global optimum/minimum, convergence, and why in the world we use
functions. I only hope I can find time to religiously follow the
classes. :) If not, I always have iTunesU but the materials online are
guhreat! I signed up for an advanced class so there will be
programming classes. Their classes are more algorithmic and
mathematical and I am used to applied ones. I hope I survive! :)

Cheers!

Random Topic

I had a chat with two guys tonight. One is about to get married and
the other one has a girlfriend. I do not know how we got to talking
about how they make their girlfriend feel secure after a severe bout
of jealousy but somehow our nonsense talk veered towards this
direction. They both said the same thing. They try their best to woo
the girl after a moment of doubt. They try to convince the girl that
the girl is the only one for them. While they are convinced that
everybody knows that no amount of assurance will help, they do it
anyway until the girl feels all better.

I thought this was really sweet.

I wish them all the best. Their partners are fortunate. I am thinking,
they are too, for finding a person that they do not tire of assuring
and more importantly loving.

Today, while I was super tired because my day was nonstop from 9am
until 6pm, I am surprisingly at peace. Thank You Lord. :)

Meet Joe Black

I actually got this from a post by one of my students.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say,
fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who
will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget
your head, and you listen to your heart. To make the journey and not
fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you
have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

Hmm...

I'm not sure. :)

Nooneenoo for the Day

You do not fall in love with a person because he or she is the most beautiful person you know. You fall in love with the person just because. It is something you just accept like a phenomenon or a conundrum. Like gravity and how because of it life on Earth is possible, and how because of it cosmic bodies are going around their respective orbits. How because of it everything is just right.

Love, while very difficult to grasp and explain is a gift. It is there whether you want it or not, whether you believe or not, so might as well trust it and be pulled. You never stood a chance against it anyway.

Sent from my iPod

Sticks and Stones Break Bones

I hank You for all my positive thoughts dear Lord. Please keep them coming. :)

When bones break and they have to heal you put them in a cast to set them right. The skin gets itchy and of course the cast itself is heavy but in the end, if you wait for the right time, the bones will set and not before long everything is back to normal.

Thank you for the rainbow, the sunrise, the promise of another tomorrow. Thank You for the gift of hope. Thank You for allowing us to heal in Your time. Thank You for always providing a way to set things straight.

Whenever I feel itchy ease me, whenever the cast feels heavy please support me and whenever I tire of waiting, send me a rainbow, a sunrise, a promise of another tomorrow. My hope is in You alone.

Thank You. :)

PS:

Thank You for giving me such a colorful rainbow. :) It is so vibrant, I cannot wait! :)

Sent from my iPod

Burn Baby Burn

Dear Lord, I thank You for the fuel. The past two days have been amazing. Please keep the fuel burning. I really feel like I just might be ready.

I have to do away with mediocrity and for once just go for gold haha! I cannot, cannot stop. Must not lose momentum. Hopefully, inertia is great enough.

Sent from my iPod

Testing

Hello!

Just testing something. Ignore. :)