I have worked for hours on my thesis!!!
Yahoo!!!
Now that is quite a feat and it feels good too. It was quite an adrenaline rush. I think it has died down because my brain is slowing down. Perhaps the fact that it is five minutes to twelve midnight has something to do with it. I'm leaving at 12 so that means I have five minutes to get everything out of me.
I now dub thee, Speedy Blogging.
Hmm... So many things has happened.
Last Week:
Monday: I spent six hours in the library reading about Gateway Protocols. I had fun. I should go to the library more often. If only I could just work there I think I'd be able to work on my thesis faster because it's so peaceful there.
Tuesday: I have been busy with my thesis Well last week Tuesday, *** came to see me at around 11pm because he knew I really had to work on my thesis. He even brought me dinner. He really just wanted to see me. Isn't he the sweetest?
Wednesday: I really have no memory whatsoever of what happened last Wednesday... Oh wait. Hold up! I worked on my thesis again the whole time, in fact I almost was not able to say my novena so I said my novena in my desk. I had a deadline supposedly which was why I had to work overtime last Tuesday.
Thursday: I had to host for a Recognition Night. Spent hours on the phone with him. It was a greate conversation but I felt guilty afterwards because I was supposed to work that time hehe :) But it was well worth it!
Friday: It was Manila Day and we were not supposed to have work but I came to school nonetheless because I had to do my thesis. I got stuck ni heavy rain that day and it was beginning to flood. Good thing the rain stopped and so he was still able to come and visit. We saw the Spurs vs. Piston replay. This time around I ordered him dinner because he was coming from a shootout game where he qualified for the finals!
Saturday: Swam and then I worked on my thesis a miniscule bit because I was really not in the mood and I was too nervous to really think because I was going to meet the rest of his clan that day. It was hsi cousin's victory party for passing the CPA board exam. I was going to meet his lola and I just found out that day that I was to ride with his aunt and her family with his lola too. That did not push through but I sill rode with his dad and his two sisters. They're all nice. Yup even his younger sisteris nice, she just seems intimidating at first but she's nice. His whole family is nice. His lola is way kewl! She can still dance and sing Til There Was You! She's soh hip! I like her aunt too and she is easily becoming my fave in his family. Apart from his female cousin who is soh kalog and of course the male cousin who passed the board exam. He even called me that morning to invite me to go to the party. He said he texted me but I did not reply. Yup! They are all nice! We sang on the MagicSing and then we had dinner. He was driving and I sat at the back with his sisters, all the while he was glancing at me at the rear view mirror from time to time and when he saw a chance he'd text me too. I am soh lucky to have him!
Sunday: I had to be a driver to my beloved sister. I had to drive her to ATC with my limping foot. It still hurts a bit but I drove okay... Well... okay is a relative term. *** met us at southmall, yes my sister asked me to drive to Southmall to look for her Anime stuff. He was pretending to look around Comic Alley too when I noticed him standing there. He is soh cute!!! My sister had fun around him. He cracks the funniest jokes and he is just soh fun to be with. I like it that he is sensitive to my sister.
I know I saw him Saturday and Sunday and that I really should not miss him but how could I not, when the whole time we were together, we were so near yet so far? hehe :)
It's already 12:15! Oh well soh much for speedy blogging!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
Of Sprains and Fear
I saw Batman Begins last Saturday. The whole movie tackled the most overrated topic, fear.
"What do you fear?"
I fear a lot.
I fear my thesis. Perhaps that's why I keep on running away from it. I keep on pushing it away. It has been haunting me for years already. So why am I not doing anything about it? I realize now that this is my little way of dealing with unpleasant things. I run away from them. I do not deal with them. Have I written about this before. I feel like I have. Or was it just in my head? I keep on running away but lately I feel that it's closing in on me... about to swallow me whole. So today, I will not run. I will seize the fear. Face it head to head. So what in the world am I doing here? I better get back to work.
---
I promise after this I will get to work... After I hear the mass... I have acetate duties today at the chapel.
I sprained my ankle so he visited me Friday night. He noticed the humongous mountain of trash already piling up so he asked me where the garbage chute was. After he found out where the chute was, he was off to throw the trash. Hmm... extended demo period? hehe... Every part of me is really hoping that this is the release version.
He looked at my foot and massaged it. He was touching it and it just felt nice to have his warm hands touch my calloused (eww... ) foot. He leaned over my foot and kissed it. I was soh embarrassed! There were butterflies in every corner of my stomach. This man just kissed my foot. I don't know any other guy who has done that... Not counting people who kissed my foot when I was still a baby.
We saw Batman Begins last Saturday. We spent a few minutes finding the nearest parking slot because he did not want me to walk too far because I was still limping. He is an amazingly sweet and thoughtful person. Before we saw the movie he asked if we could drop by a drugstore. I did not understand why he wanted to go there but I obliged. When we got there I found out he was going to get some liniment for my foot. When we got home he massaged some of the ointment on my foot. My foot is feeling better now. Thank you very much baby! :) Everything you do for me does not go by unnoticed. Not a day passes without me thanking the Lord for sending you to me. I love you soh much!
To my baby, thanks for making me smile, for calming me in times when I feel like freaking out. You don't always know when but without you doing anything, just your mere presence in my life is enough to make it more worthwhile and more bearable.
"What do you fear?"
I fear a lot.
I fear my thesis. Perhaps that's why I keep on running away from it. I keep on pushing it away. It has been haunting me for years already. So why am I not doing anything about it? I realize now that this is my little way of dealing with unpleasant things. I run away from them. I do not deal with them. Have I written about this before. I feel like I have. Or was it just in my head? I keep on running away but lately I feel that it's closing in on me... about to swallow me whole. So today, I will not run. I will seize the fear. Face it head to head. So what in the world am I doing here? I better get back to work.
---
I promise after this I will get to work... After I hear the mass... I have acetate duties today at the chapel.
I sprained my ankle so he visited me Friday night. He noticed the humongous mountain of trash already piling up so he asked me where the garbage chute was. After he found out where the chute was, he was off to throw the trash. Hmm... extended demo period? hehe... Every part of me is really hoping that this is the release version.
He looked at my foot and massaged it. He was touching it and it just felt nice to have his warm hands touch my calloused (eww... ) foot. He leaned over my foot and kissed it. I was soh embarrassed! There were butterflies in every corner of my stomach. This man just kissed my foot. I don't know any other guy who has done that... Not counting people who kissed my foot when I was still a baby.
We saw Batman Begins last Saturday. We spent a few minutes finding the nearest parking slot because he did not want me to walk too far because I was still limping. He is an amazingly sweet and thoughtful person. Before we saw the movie he asked if we could drop by a drugstore. I did not understand why he wanted to go there but I obliged. When we got there I found out he was going to get some liniment for my foot. When we got home he massaged some of the ointment on my foot. My foot is feeling better now. Thank you very much baby! :) Everything you do for me does not go by unnoticed. Not a day passes without me thanking the Lord for sending you to me. I love you soh much!
To my baby, thanks for making me smile, for calming me in times when I feel like freaking out. You don't always know when but without you doing anything, just your mere presence in my life is enough to make it more worthwhile and more bearable.
Friday, June 17, 2005
My So-Called Life
1030-1600 Mall
I have put off shopping with her at least three times this month and since I was really able to see a window in my schedule for our girl bonding activity. It was soh much fun... We went on a cosmetics shopping spree! I love shopping with my mom! I love my mom! She got me to buy clothes too. I did not get her to buy clothes though, it's so hard to get her stuff... she's soh picky. I hope she had as much fun as I did.
1600-1630 Gox
I went to our unit after my mom dropped me off to put all the Soya Milk bottles in the ref, hide any sign that I went shopping and prepare my swimming gear. Why did I have to hide signs that I shopped? My brother hates it when I acquire new items because it adds to the clutter that is already most of our 39 sq.m. abode. Went to Gox to check on my thesis adviser as we were supposed to discuss my thesis that day. He was busy with other work so I decided to swim first.
1630-1730 Swimming Pool
I walked to the pool, did my usual 20 lap workout + my 1/8 lap butterfly (I will get it right someday... I believe) and then took a shower. I felt soh tired and breathless which was weird because last week, the program barely exhausted me... I think it's because the water is colder now. I was still catching my breath hours after i swam... Weird.
1730-1800 PGP Chapel
I checked on my thesis adviser again and saw that he was not ready yet so I decided to hear mass first. I was late, yet again... It takes me forever to take a shower. I spend roughly 27 minutes swimming... all the rest of the time I am in the locker room... I have tried to cut down on the shower time but I just can't. I have to check my processes again and do some streamlining.
1800-1945 Consultation Room
My adviser and I talked about the thesis. I have a really long to-do list that I will be working on after this post. It's nice to have someone to talk to about my thesis. Enthusiasm is infectious and to have someone who really wants to hear about my work is really amazing. For so long, I have been working alone. It was horrible! Most o fthe time I was just guessing if what I am doing makes sense at all to the rest of the academic community. Affirmation, corrections, clarifications are most welcome. I am grateful to my adviser for having me and for doing his job. May God bless him.
1945-2000 Unit
I was having a hard time breathing and my heart rate I think has not slowed down since I swam. No, I do not think I was palpitating due to some medical condition... I was just exhausted from my workout. My baby called because it was his youngest sister's birthday and she was treating us dinner at Zong along with their cousins, sister, aunt and uncle. *** had a basketball game at 8pm and he just called so we could discuss the gift. I did not want to go to Zong without a gift and his youngest sister explicitly asked him for a gift from me and him. I was panicking... HP was closed already. I had no gift ideas. It dawned to me... we can bring a cake. Worse comes to worst, we can just give her a birthday cake. Bizu will definitely still be open. I like cakes. Since I was little, I felt a birthday was incomplete without a cake and a candle to blow. I like closing my eyes and making a wish. I don't usually remember what I wish for so I can't tell you if birthday wishes do come true.
2000-2130 Greenbelt 3
I got to the parking lot of GB3. The electronic board outside the basement parking said Full but I did not think walking from Park Square or Greenbelt1 will help either. I took my risk. As soon as I got the parking card, a Revo left a slot and just like that, I felt shopping will go smoothly. It did. I got a Marks and Spencer Aloe Vera Body Lotion and a Marks and Spencer Shower Gel and the biggest Samba Bizu cake. It was hot walking from GB3 to GB2 and back. The walk from Bizu to the parking was enough to make me sweat it out... well not the I-just-got-back-from-the-gym look but I felt really unfresh.
2130-2215 Unit
The trip from GB to the unit was not as smooth as I had hoped because there was a big volume of cars. Anyway, I got to our parking slot and then I had to climb three flights of stairs as our elevators from the parking are still out of order.
2215-1130 Zango
Going to Zango, I had to reply to his youngest sister's text messages because he was driving. His youngest sister strikes me as someone really intimidating. Perhaps it's because I seem to think the youngest are the ones harder to please, or maybe it's just the aura she exudes. I have no idea, what I do know is that she frightens me. Anyway, it did not help that we were two hours late for the party and she was texting *** that she wants to go home already. She texted him that they were closing Zong already and that they were the only ones left there. I was soh embarassed because they might think we're late because of me. She even texted *** in one of her messages that *** should have asked me to go ahead to Zong so *** will not have to pick me up at the unit anymore. *** did suggest that earlier that evening. I passed it off as a joke. It did not cross my mind that *** will drive them home and we may not all fit in his car. I realized this only as I was parking my car back at the condo. I suggested to him that I bring my car but he dismissed it since he said we were going to fit because Mao did not come. I felt bad when I read her message because of the following reasons:
I was tired and frustrated and sad. Though I like acting on stage, I am not quite an actress off the stage. I am a very transparent person and so when I am sad, it really shows. I become very quiet (for my very noisy nature, this is very difficult to overlook). *** noticed right away from the far away look, blank stares, silence... He was trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me though I knew that he knew also why I was being that way. He was constantly reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. I knew he was trying his best to make things better for me but it just won't cut it for me at the time. A part of me was wishing to not have come at all. Had I known the evening will turn out as such, I should not have agreed to come. I wanted to evaporate right then and there... Can the aircon filter just suck me in? Anyway, we got to Zong and when I saw the youngest sister's face I just really wanted to disappear. She really looked pissed. I pasted a smile on my face though, it felt like eternity standing there, my facial muscles trembling almost to the point of cramps... I greeted his aunt and I sat adjacent to his big sister. I greeted the youngest sister happy birthday though she did not look so happy thanks to us being late. I don't think the gift made her smile though. She made a joke about Cello's and Bizu being always where I get what I give them... Maybe I really should have brought Red Ribbon instead as advised by ***. I wanted last night to be special for her. Oh well, I thought. Things can't always go as you plan them. I greeted his female cousin with whom I was fond of because she is always soh happy and she seems very easy to talk to and is always bubbly and animated. His uncle came and so I stood up and reached for his hand so I can shake it, he extended his other hand instead so I can bless. He seemed nice. He was teasing us all night about getting married and having a kid. I was just smiling. That broke the ice for me that night. After meeting his uncle, I felt better already.
It helped that *** was very patient. He did not throw a tantrum when he saw that I was not in the mood to talk. He was always reaching for my hand, holding it, reassuring me that he's there and that he will not leave me. I was on the verge of tears in the car because of frustration but while I was at Zong, I was on the verge of tears because of gratitude that I have somebody like him in my life. I saw his youngest sister smile for the first time that night (that was not camera flash-induced) when she opened the box and she saw that the cake had her name on it. Thank goodness I asked *** for the correct spelling of her name a few weeks ago!
1130-1215 Starbucks Fort
Before going home, we went to Starbucks. *** treated us to drinks. By this time, though I was still aloof, I did not think she was mad at us for being late anymore. Well... I hope... I sat at the back and we had his male cousin sit in front. They gossipped about certain people in their family. I could relate because I can remember some of the stories from ***. It was also fun hanging out with them. Just listening to his female cousing is enough to keep me entertained.
It touched me that though *** was around his cousins and his sisters he was still very, very sweet. He was always checking on me and never forgetting me. I love him so much for that. Last night started seemingly a bad experience but it turned out to be fun.
1215-0130
Sta. Mesa
Going home took a longer time than expected... My left foot became numb during the ride but I did not realize this until I stood up. My foot was unable to keep its balance in my stilettos, I think I got a sprain from this accident. I transferred to the front passenger seat after the cousins were dropped off. My foot hurt all the way. It still hurts up to now and so I am limping around feeling and looking stupid. I really hate it. I hope it gets better soon.
It was truly a hectic day for me yesterday and an even more hectic night. I was glad I got to do something for him for a change because it's him who always does something for me. He appreciated what I did and to me, though it should not be that way, that mattered more than the appreciation his sister showed.
***
Went to the emergency room today after my mom threatened me that if my ankle has fractured bones, there is a possibility that I will get operated on. I wouldn't want that since:
Anyway, it turns out I do not have fractures whatsoever so I am going to be fine, unless the pain persists after 2 to 3 days, then I will have to go back and see an ortho. I finally got to use the FortuneCare card. I thought that was really useless... Hmm... It came in handy today.
I have put off shopping with her at least three times this month and since I was really able to see a window in my schedule for our girl bonding activity. It was soh much fun... We went on a cosmetics shopping spree! I love shopping with my mom! I love my mom! She got me to buy clothes too. I did not get her to buy clothes though, it's so hard to get her stuff... she's soh picky. I hope she had as much fun as I did.
1600-1630 Gox
I went to our unit after my mom dropped me off to put all the Soya Milk bottles in the ref, hide any sign that I went shopping and prepare my swimming gear. Why did I have to hide signs that I shopped? My brother hates it when I acquire new items because it adds to the clutter that is already most of our 39 sq.m. abode. Went to Gox to check on my thesis adviser as we were supposed to discuss my thesis that day. He was busy with other work so I decided to swim first.
1630-1730 Swimming Pool
I walked to the pool, did my usual 20 lap workout + my 1/8 lap butterfly (I will get it right someday... I believe) and then took a shower. I felt soh tired and breathless which was weird because last week, the program barely exhausted me... I think it's because the water is colder now. I was still catching my breath hours after i swam... Weird.
1730-1800 PGP Chapel
I checked on my thesis adviser again and saw that he was not ready yet so I decided to hear mass first. I was late, yet again... It takes me forever to take a shower. I spend roughly 27 minutes swimming... all the rest of the time I am in the locker room... I have tried to cut down on the shower time but I just can't. I have to check my processes again and do some streamlining.
1800-1945 Consultation Room
My adviser and I talked about the thesis. I have a really long to-do list that I will be working on after this post. It's nice to have someone to talk to about my thesis. Enthusiasm is infectious and to have someone who really wants to hear about my work is really amazing. For so long, I have been working alone. It was horrible! Most o fthe time I was just guessing if what I am doing makes sense at all to the rest of the academic community. Affirmation, corrections, clarifications are most welcome. I am grateful to my adviser for having me and for doing his job. May God bless him.
1945-2000 Unit
I was having a hard time breathing and my heart rate I think has not slowed down since I swam. No, I do not think I was palpitating due to some medical condition... I was just exhausted from my workout. My baby called because it was his youngest sister's birthday and she was treating us dinner at Zong along with their cousins, sister, aunt and uncle. *** had a basketball game at 8pm and he just called so we could discuss the gift. I did not want to go to Zong without a gift and his youngest sister explicitly asked him for a gift from me and him. I was panicking... HP was closed already. I had no gift ideas. It dawned to me... we can bring a cake. Worse comes to worst, we can just give her a birthday cake. Bizu will definitely still be open. I like cakes. Since I was little, I felt a birthday was incomplete without a cake and a candle to blow. I like closing my eyes and making a wish. I don't usually remember what I wish for so I can't tell you if birthday wishes do come true.
2000-2130 Greenbelt 3
I got to the parking lot of GB3. The electronic board outside the basement parking said Full but I did not think walking from Park Square or Greenbelt1 will help either. I took my risk. As soon as I got the parking card, a Revo left a slot and just like that, I felt shopping will go smoothly. It did. I got a Marks and Spencer Aloe Vera Body Lotion and a Marks and Spencer Shower Gel and the biggest Samba Bizu cake. It was hot walking from GB3 to GB2 and back. The walk from Bizu to the parking was enough to make me sweat it out... well not the I-just-got-back-from-the-gym look but I felt really unfresh.
2130-2215 Unit
The trip from GB to the unit was not as smooth as I had hoped because there was a big volume of cars. Anyway, I got to our parking slot and then I had to climb three flights of stairs as our elevators from the parking are still out of order.
2215-1130 Zango
Going to Zango, I had to reply to his youngest sister's text messages because he was driving. His youngest sister strikes me as someone really intimidating. Perhaps it's because I seem to think the youngest are the ones harder to please, or maybe it's just the aura she exudes. I have no idea, what I do know is that she frightens me. Anyway, it did not help that we were two hours late for the party and she was texting *** that she wants to go home already. She texted him that they were closing Zong already and that they were the only ones left there. I was soh embarassed because they might think we're late because of me. She even texted *** in one of her messages that *** should have asked me to go ahead to Zong so *** will not have to pick me up at the unit anymore. *** did suggest that earlier that evening. I passed it off as a joke. It did not cross my mind that *** will drive them home and we may not all fit in his car. I realized this only as I was parking my car back at the condo. I suggested to him that I bring my car but he dismissed it since he said we were going to fit because Mao did not come. I felt bad when I read her message because of the following reasons:
- it's her birthday and we're pissing her off
- i do not want a bad impression, that I'm prima donna, making everybody wait... believe me, this is the last thing i want!
- i wanted things to be perfect for her because her boyfriend was not going to be there and I know how terribly lonely that can be
- his aunt was there
- I hate it when things do not go as planned in spite my efforts
I was tired and frustrated and sad. Though I like acting on stage, I am not quite an actress off the stage. I am a very transparent person and so when I am sad, it really shows. I become very quiet (for my very noisy nature, this is very difficult to overlook). *** noticed right away from the far away look, blank stares, silence... He was trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me though I knew that he knew also why I was being that way. He was constantly reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. I knew he was trying his best to make things better for me but it just won't cut it for me at the time. A part of me was wishing to not have come at all. Had I known the evening will turn out as such, I should not have agreed to come. I wanted to evaporate right then and there... Can the aircon filter just suck me in? Anyway, we got to Zong and when I saw the youngest sister's face I just really wanted to disappear. She really looked pissed. I pasted a smile on my face though, it felt like eternity standing there, my facial muscles trembling almost to the point of cramps... I greeted his aunt and I sat adjacent to his big sister. I greeted the youngest sister happy birthday though she did not look so happy thanks to us being late. I don't think the gift made her smile though. She made a joke about Cello's and Bizu being always where I get what I give them... Maybe I really should have brought Red Ribbon instead as advised by ***. I wanted last night to be special for her. Oh well, I thought. Things can't always go as you plan them. I greeted his female cousin with whom I was fond of because she is always soh happy and she seems very easy to talk to and is always bubbly and animated. His uncle came and so I stood up and reached for his hand so I can shake it, he extended his other hand instead so I can bless. He seemed nice. He was teasing us all night about getting married and having a kid. I was just smiling. That broke the ice for me that night. After meeting his uncle, I felt better already.
It helped that *** was very patient. He did not throw a tantrum when he saw that I was not in the mood to talk. He was always reaching for my hand, holding it, reassuring me that he's there and that he will not leave me. I was on the verge of tears in the car because of frustration but while I was at Zong, I was on the verge of tears because of gratitude that I have somebody like him in my life. I saw his youngest sister smile for the first time that night (that was not camera flash-induced) when she opened the box and she saw that the cake had her name on it. Thank goodness I asked *** for the correct spelling of her name a few weeks ago!
1130-1215 Starbucks Fort
Before going home, we went to Starbucks. *** treated us to drinks. By this time, though I was still aloof, I did not think she was mad at us for being late anymore. Well... I hope... I sat at the back and we had his male cousin sit in front. They gossipped about certain people in their family. I could relate because I can remember some of the stories from ***. It was also fun hanging out with them. Just listening to his female cousing is enough to keep me entertained.
It touched me that though *** was around his cousins and his sisters he was still very, very sweet. He was always checking on me and never forgetting me. I love him so much for that. Last night started seemingly a bad experience but it turned out to be fun.
1215-0130
Sta. Mesa
Going home took a longer time than expected... My left foot became numb during the ride but I did not realize this until I stood up. My foot was unable to keep its balance in my stilettos, I think I got a sprain from this accident. I transferred to the front passenger seat after the cousins were dropped off. My foot hurt all the way. It still hurts up to now and so I am limping around feeling and looking stupid. I really hate it. I hope it gets better soon.
It was truly a hectic day for me yesterday and an even more hectic night. I was glad I got to do something for him for a change because it's him who always does something for me. He appreciated what I did and to me, though it should not be that way, that mattered more than the appreciation his sister showed.
***
Went to the emergency room today after my mom threatened me that if my ankle has fractured bones, there is a possibility that I will get operated on. I wouldn't want that since:
- i like inline skating
- i like stilettos (though i may deny it)
- i am not a fan of stitches on my skin
Anyway, it turns out I do not have fractures whatsoever so I am going to be fine, unless the pain persists after 2 to 3 days, then I will have to go back and see an ortho. I finally got to use the FortuneCare card. I thought that was really useless... Hmm... It came in handy today.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Stupid Person + Mobile Phone
revisited
I wanted to clarify the previous post since a lot seems to wonder who might that jerk be. I have reason to believe that the stupid texter is my first ex boyfriend. Obviously since the texter seemed to be very fond of my ex and he's the only one I know who is that fond of himself. Really. To feed the curiosity of everyone, he is not at all goodlooking... Though I am tempted to post his picture here for everyone to lambast or better yet to tell you his friendster account name, for the sake of whatever kindness and respect is left for other people's privacy, i will, restrain myself from doing so.
Some people texted me, emailed me about my post feeling sorry for me. I was actually fuming with anger and the night I got all these messages, I was shaking and wanting him to just drop &#@&! I was disturbed but at the same time I could not really tell anyone. I was playing with the idea of telling my boyfriend. I did not want him to get hurt or to be affected but I did not want a big gap between us because I was not telling him something that was troubling me greatly. I am glad I told him because he was able to make me feel better as always. He just laughed about it and as soon as I heard laughter bubbling out of him I just could not help but find the humor in what happened. I am glad he's very positive. A friend of mine told me we make a pretty good combination. I seem to be always worrying while he comforts me. He's the only one who has that effect on me. He just says the right words at the right time. One of the many things that endeared me to him is his infallible self-confidence. I feel like nothing can make him insecure. This comforts me because this will assure me that jealousy fits will be kept at bay always. He said he was glad that I replied to the messages the way I did.
I wanted to at first post his phone number here so that I can request all of you to pester him for me but I won't do that because I realized I have so much to thank him for. I thank him first and foremost for letting me go. The moment he let me go, he lifted from me a curse of putting up with him and his lies, a curse of living a miserable, nightmare of a life. When he let me go, he gave me another chance at life, a new hope of finding a love that is true. I thank him for not depriving me of that opportunity. I am truly grateful that he hurt and lied to me. I thank him for being the jerk that he was and still is because he made me see the difference between a big, fat, ugly toad and a chivalrous prince. It's amazing how sometimes we confuse these two. Hold up. Let me speak for myself. It's amazing how I tend to confuse these two. So, in spite of the things he did to me and despite the things he did not do for me, I thank him. I am not angry at you. In fact, I could not care less what he does in his life so long as he does not hurt the ones i love and he does not interact with me, I am fine with that. I am grateful because if it were not for him and the series of unfortunate events he led me to, I would not have met, fell in love with, and love the man that I love so dearly right now.
So to the Stupid Texter, you may not be as stupid as I might think. Or if you really are, for once your stupidity worked to my advantage.
Some people texted me, emailed me about my post feeling sorry for me. I was actually fuming with anger and the night I got all these messages, I was shaking and wanting him to just drop &#@&! I was disturbed but at the same time I could not really tell anyone. I was playing with the idea of telling my boyfriend. I did not want him to get hurt or to be affected but I did not want a big gap between us because I was not telling him something that was troubling me greatly. I am glad I told him because he was able to make me feel better as always. He just laughed about it and as soon as I heard laughter bubbling out of him I just could not help but find the humor in what happened. I am glad he's very positive. A friend of mine told me we make a pretty good combination. I seem to be always worrying while he comforts me. He's the only one who has that effect on me. He just says the right words at the right time. One of the many things that endeared me to him is his infallible self-confidence. I feel like nothing can make him insecure. This comforts me because this will assure me that jealousy fits will be kept at bay always. He said he was glad that I replied to the messages the way I did.
I wanted to at first post his phone number here so that I can request all of you to pester him for me but I won't do that because I realized I have so much to thank him for. I thank him first and foremost for letting me go. The moment he let me go, he lifted from me a curse of putting up with him and his lies, a curse of living a miserable, nightmare of a life. When he let me go, he gave me another chance at life, a new hope of finding a love that is true. I thank him for not depriving me of that opportunity. I am truly grateful that he hurt and lied to me. I thank him for being the jerk that he was and still is because he made me see the difference between a big, fat, ugly toad and a chivalrous prince. It's amazing how sometimes we confuse these two. Hold up. Let me speak for myself. It's amazing how I tend to confuse these two. So, in spite of the things he did to me and despite the things he did not do for me, I thank him. I am not angry at you. In fact, I could not care less what he does in his life so long as he does not hurt the ones i love and he does not interact with me, I am fine with that. I am grateful because if it were not for him and the series of unfortunate events he led me to, I would not have met, fell in love with, and love the man that I love so dearly right now.
So to the Stupid Texter, you may not be as stupid as I might think. Or if you really are, for once your stupidity worked to my advantage.
Friday, June 10, 2005
Stupid Person + Mobile Phone =
Stupid Texter: ang pangit ng boyfriend mu. di kayo bagay. eew!
Me:Hu s ds?
Stupid Texter: jst a concern friend, boyfriend mu ba yung sa friendster? di kayo bagay mas okay pa yung first boyfriend mu atleast yun my similarities kayo gwapo pa.
Me: If you like my 1st bf mybe u shld go out w/him he'l b mre dn wiling to go out w/u bt be warnd tho he's a jerk.I hapen to love the guy on my friendster account.
Stupid Texter: gurl pala ako. anyways comment ko lang. di kayo bagay maganda ka, honestly kung baga sa barko tabingi kayo.
Stupid Texter: thank you for ur time. pangit talaga wag mu na display s friendster.advise lang.
Me: Ang panget un unang bf ko sinungaling un tsaka pango un bf ko ngyn matngos ang ilong.mgnda ang mata mgnda ang lips, matangkad, strong, athletc, matalino at mabaet!
Stupid Texter: dnt be like that to ur exbf. he is tstil ur ex n maybe he also his reasn why n also dnt nu. kaya taoo lang tayo. n people change n kahit papanu he got a gud in hm
Stupid Texter: jst like wat god said be forgvn n ul be forgven. anyways wat d heck. ur past is past.na shock lagn ako bkt yan ang pinili mung guy ngyn?maganda ka?sayang!
Me: Hm.S gramar mu prng lam ko n kng cnu k. Wg ka na magenglsh kc di ko maintndhan e. Nptwad koo n un, di ko galit dinescryb ko lng sia. Mahal ko ung bf ko ngyn.Mhal n mhal! :)
Stupid Texter: pagisipan mung mabuti. cuz maraming manghihinayan. jst call me aina.we could be gud friends pagmay problem ka jst txt me. u cn find a beter persn than u hve nw
Stupid Texter: maybe yun din ang nasabi mu s mga ex mu na they are ur heaven n earth. those are only words. but hindi talga kayo bagay PANGIT NG BOYFRIEND MU.
Me: I dnt think i evr sed dat 2 my exes. S kña lng. Gwapo gwapo nun nu. Kwawa k nman ihanap mu n lng srili mu ng mgmamhal sau.Kc ako d n ko naghahanap.Masaya n ko sa knya.
Stupid Texter: oo nga pala profesor ka. sory po ma'am. estudante nyo po lang ako. but u may hide me sa name na aina. dnt wory di na po ako magenglish. patawad po. god bles
Stupid Texter: wag po kayo magalit po ma'am. if u thnk yung bf mu agn d best then okay. pero pra samin as a group di talga. nakita lang po namin sa friendter nyo po patawad
Stupid Texter: sana po ma'am wag nyo pong personalin comment lang po n sarcastic remarks mukhang hipo.
Me:M sory bt i dnt thnk ur a s2dnt of myn. I happen 2 bliv dt s2dnts hr hav gud maners.Dy wil nvr judg sum1 basd un apirans.Dy r nt dt shalow.Hw dare u pos as a s2dnt.
Stupid Texter: whatever ma'am.
Me:Col me.
[I tried to call the texter, the call was cancelled.]
Stupid Texter: sory ma'am. low batt.
Me:Rily ian ds s so low. Shame on u! Wla akong s2dnt na kasing babaw mo! Get over urself! Kakasira ka ng araw!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
We were talking last Monday and he asked me out. He said that since he thinks I look like Angelina Jolie (the gayuma I injected directly into his spinal cord is still taking its effect, available in all leading gayuma stalls in Quiapo, not tested on animals hehe) and he thinks he looks a lot like Brad Pitt too (must be the side effect of the gayuma) it is only fitting that we see the movie on its first play date.
Tuesday night, I was talking to a cofaculty when I saw a French Spring Festival brochure. Being a French enthusiast and the bad listener that I am, I looked at the contents while he was talking about his piano lessons (I was also listening on the side, I'm not that rude!) I came across a page that advertised Paris Off Color, a photo exhibit of George C. Tapan at Greenbelt 3. I was of course interested, it was a bonus that *** is also a photography enthusiast... well more than that, he was after all the editor of Retrato of Plaridel. I told him about it and it turns out that Tapan has given them a seminar years ago, back when he was still in Plaridel. We decided to reserve tickets at GB3.
Wednesday night, I was drained a bit already because of my classes. I got some doughnuts from Cello's Dips and Doughnuts to-go, they have nice tasting doughnuts and I wanted *** to try them. I wanted his sisters to try them too. I got two boxes and then went up to our unit to rest.
I was already lying on the couch when he texted about a project that he needed to demonstrate this Friday. I thought maybe he'd want to work on the project until late that night but he said he was going to demonstrate it the following week instead as agreed upon by him and his boss. He also told me that his mom was coming home from La Union and that his dad called to tell him. He declined to pick her up because he had a date with me. Though I was touched that he chose to still go to our date in spite his duties as a son and as a developer, I felt a bit guilty for being happy that he chose to be with me hehe... What if his mom hates me for this? Won't she feel that I'm snatching his son away from her? Is this projection? hehe...
Last night turned out to be one of the best movie nights that we have had so far.
He came around my place earlier than I expected. We went around GB3 first floor looking for the exhibit but the Tapan exhibit was not there. I was already a bit disappointed but I did not want to admit that the French Film Festival was all an imagination of mine, so we went to GB1 since the Tapan exhibit was supposed to coincide with the French Film Festival to be held at OnStage. It was there where we found out that the exhibit was right in front of the cinema where we were going to see the movie haha! :)
We saw the exhibit first, he signed the guestbook and then we had dinner. I like it that we talk with each other and I genuinely have fun when I am around him. While eating I thought I saw him look at my ring and a smile crept across his face. It could have been my imagination but I'd like to think it really happened. I am so happy to have him in my life.
It was a really good movie! Not a dull moment, I was either at the edge of my seat or laughing really hard! I definitely recommend that you see it. It's the best movie we have seen so far. Hitch of course is an exception hehe... It might have helped that when I saw this movie, I had my baby to hug during the heart-melting moments.
To my baby who has done nothing but special things for me. Thank you soh much. Last night, while we were at GB3 looking at the photos, I have thought of a nice surprise for him. It might not be as orchestrated as his surprises but I want to do it for him hehe :) I read this book before about nurturing the other person's interest and he is interested in photography but he has stopped taking pictures. Real pictures using a real camera. I'm planning to get him some film so he can start shooting again using his old camera in the meantime that he does not have a digital SLR yet. He said something about it being expensive if he uses film... we'll see what we can both do.
I don't know how it is possible that after four months of meeting you, I am still growing more and more in love with you each day that goes by. I find my heart skip a beat everytime I gaze at you, I still get the warm and fuzzy feeling everytime you reach for my hand, my cheeks burn when you put your arms around me, hugging you is the most wonderful feeling that I can think of after a stressful day, my tummy ties in a loop when you kiss me, my knees still weaken when you gaze at me, my eyes still light up when thoughts of you cross my mind. I have you always in my heart. How I got you to walk in there, I have no idea but heck, I am locking you in and throwing away the key! I love you baby more than I could ever express, more than I have ever conceived possible.
Tuesday night, I was talking to a cofaculty when I saw a French Spring Festival brochure. Being a French enthusiast and the bad listener that I am, I looked at the contents while he was talking about his piano lessons (I was also listening on the side, I'm not that rude!) I came across a page that advertised Paris Off Color, a photo exhibit of George C. Tapan at Greenbelt 3. I was of course interested, it was a bonus that *** is also a photography enthusiast... well more than that, he was after all the editor of Retrato of Plaridel. I told him about it and it turns out that Tapan has given them a seminar years ago, back when he was still in Plaridel. We decided to reserve tickets at GB3.
Wednesday night, I was drained a bit already because of my classes. I got some doughnuts from Cello's Dips and Doughnuts to-go, they have nice tasting doughnuts and I wanted *** to try them. I wanted his sisters to try them too. I got two boxes and then went up to our unit to rest.
I was already lying on the couch when he texted about a project that he needed to demonstrate this Friday. I thought maybe he'd want to work on the project until late that night but he said he was going to demonstrate it the following week instead as agreed upon by him and his boss. He also told me that his mom was coming home from La Union and that his dad called to tell him. He declined to pick her up because he had a date with me. Though I was touched that he chose to still go to our date in spite his duties as a son and as a developer, I felt a bit guilty for being happy that he chose to be with me hehe... What if his mom hates me for this? Won't she feel that I'm snatching his son away from her? Is this projection? hehe...
Last night turned out to be one of the best movie nights that we have had so far.
He came around my place earlier than I expected. We went around GB3 first floor looking for the exhibit but the Tapan exhibit was not there. I was already a bit disappointed but I did not want to admit that the French Film Festival was all an imagination of mine, so we went to GB1 since the Tapan exhibit was supposed to coincide with the French Film Festival to be held at OnStage. It was there where we found out that the exhibit was right in front of the cinema where we were going to see the movie haha! :)
We saw the exhibit first, he signed the guestbook and then we had dinner. I like it that we talk with each other and I genuinely have fun when I am around him. While eating I thought I saw him look at my ring and a smile crept across his face. It could have been my imagination but I'd like to think it really happened. I am so happy to have him in my life.
It was a really good movie! Not a dull moment, I was either at the edge of my seat or laughing really hard! I definitely recommend that you see it. It's the best movie we have seen so far. Hitch of course is an exception hehe... It might have helped that when I saw this movie, I had my baby to hug during the heart-melting moments.
To my baby who has done nothing but special things for me. Thank you soh much. Last night, while we were at GB3 looking at the photos, I have thought of a nice surprise for him. It might not be as orchestrated as his surprises but I want to do it for him hehe :) I read this book before about nurturing the other person's interest and he is interested in photography but he has stopped taking pictures. Real pictures using a real camera. I'm planning to get him some film so he can start shooting again using his old camera in the meantime that he does not have a digital SLR yet. He said something about it being expensive if he uses film... we'll see what we can both do.
I don't know how it is possible that after four months of meeting you, I am still growing more and more in love with you each day that goes by. I find my heart skip a beat everytime I gaze at you, I still get the warm and fuzzy feeling everytime you reach for my hand, my cheeks burn when you put your arms around me, hugging you is the most wonderful feeling that I can think of after a stressful day, my tummy ties in a loop when you kiss me, my knees still weaken when you gaze at me, my eyes still light up when thoughts of you cross my mind. I have you always in my heart. How I got you to walk in there, I have no idea but heck, I am locking you in and throwing away the key! I love you baby more than I could ever express, more than I have ever conceived possible.
Monday, June 06, 2005
My Preciousss...
Yessssss... I will cherish it for ussssss... my preciousssss... won't let them take it from ussss...
Okay before you start thinking my brain has finally conked out read on.
My Sunday morning was as sunny as it can ever be though it was raining outside our unit. Nope. I was not going to let anything rain on my Sunday morning because my baby and I were celebrating our first month of taking the plunge into loving one another yesterday, June 5, 2005. I was as happy as I could be and definitely grateful to the Lord Almighty for giving me a beautiful boyfriend, partner and friend in my life.
He asked me to wake up at six in the morning and to wake him up when I do. I rang his phone, I was surprised that he was already wide awake at that time. That was very surprising because he is not the kind who wakes up really early on weekends. Well, not that early.
My bell rang and when I opened my door a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a dozen of white gerbera and five stargazers and a lot of cute green stuff (I don't know what to call them hehe) were on my doorstep. I looked around and then I saw him peering hehe from behind a wall. He was soh cute and adorable, wish I could have captured that moment!
He was unable to hug me right away because my mom was there but when he got the chance, he hugged me and said, "Happy First Month" my heart melted! He took pictures of me. I was surprised that he brought his Cybershot. Normally, we'd take pictures using my 6630. We had breakfast at home when he said, he was really planning to take me someplace but unfortunately, there was a storm coming. He was going to take me to Tagaytay, he has carefully planned that day and well, the storm has ruined it for us. I love it that he went so far as to plan each part of that day, he said we were to have breakfast and then we were to hear mass in Tagaytay. I was touched deeply too by the fact that he was disappointed that we cannot go because of the storm and because my mom will not allow it. Well she half-heartedly agreed but *** did not want to push it anymore. In fact, I was the one who insisted to try asking mom if we can go because I could see how disappointed he was.
We were driving aimlessly around CCP because he was wondering where we can go. I could tell he was really racking his brain because he wanted our first month's celebration to be really special. I don't know how I deserve to have a super thoughtful person in my life but I am thankful anyway. I knew he was trying to hide his grave disappointment but it was just too much for him to hide. My heart went out to him but at the same time, I really felt special to him at that moment. How I felt is beyond description.
I suggested instead to go to Megamall so we can go ice skating, we have not done that yet and so I thought that could make things special for us. He said he wanted to bring me to a place where I have never been to yet, Pagudpod! hehe... He brought me to Libis City Walk. We saw A Lot Like Love and then we ate at Fazoli's. After lunch and a lot of pictures later we strolled around the plaza and he found us a bench to sit on. Pretty much Notting Hill-ish :)! More pictures taken and more people ogled at later, I asked him to walk around the plaza too so I can watch him this time hehe... I watch other people and I wanted to watch him. i wanted to take pictures of him too! To my surprise, he really stood up and started walking around hehe! He was so cute. I want to learn how to take photos, and I was practicing that day and he was teaching me. I like it that he was teaching me. He went to the garden and picked a flower. A really small flower and then he sat beside me on the bench again.
He put his arm around me and then gave me the small flower, "Take this as a token of my love for you and as a symbol of our relationship... " or something to that effect, I was already giggling because I really found it sweet. And then he opened his closed fist and revealed to me two silver rings. Okay, at this point, if you already know me, it is not very hard for you to imagine that my eyes were falling out of their sockets and I was already gasping for air. Trying to contain myself but in vain. I was laughing and close to tears, I took the rings. Inside was an inscription, hehe... like in Lord of the Rings huh? I said kidding him.
My ring had his name: *** 05-05-05
His ring had my name: +++ 05-05-05
Really sweet. The ring fit my finger perfectly... That sneaky sweet guy got my size while he was trying to find out what his ring size was in RP before we saw Madagascar. He asked if he could fit a ring and the woman at Silver Works asked if I wanted to fit to. I did fit and there we found out what my size was. Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky! He took the ring and put it on my right ring finger. I took his ring and put it on his finger too, "I (my name) hereby give you this ring as a token of my love and undying faithfulness..." I forgot what I said because my head was up in the clouds... Everything was hazy, we were all that was vivid all the rest was a blur.
I am very happy to wear this ring. I feel blessed. I am not used to wearing rings but I enjoy wearing it because I love what it represents. What it stands for. I am afraid everytime I take it off that I might lose it. I pray that the power of the Ring will not blind me and cause me to be too posssssessssssive about my preciousssss... and to always be worried that precioussss will be sssstolen from usssss.... I love him so much and I want us to grow in love every day.
After our mushy moment, we got to shop at Nike Attitude, they had a sale and then we played one game of bowling. He was soh good and I was terrible at it. I hope I didn't embarass him. My average score is really 30, I got a 34 he got a 165. After the game, we heard mass at San Isidro and then he took me home. The streets were flooding already but he stayed for dinner still. After he went home, I thought that caps the celebration. I was wrong. He texted me at around eleven and he said:
At around this time a month ago, I confessed my love to you. Time passed so swiftly and with each passing day I find myself more in love with you, more happy that I have you. I love you baby. No reasons to tell for doing so. No need for magic potions to make it work. Just my love that's pure and unconditional. Hoping to share this love to you for a lifetime. Happy First Monthsary!!! I love you soh much 'by! Hugs adn kisses for you. Uhmmm! Mwuaah! :)
"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outwards together in the same direction."
- Antoine De Saint-Exupery 1900-1944
from "Airman's Odyssey
"Love doesn't make the world go round.
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
- Franklin P. Jones
If I were pressed to say why I loved him,
I feel that my only reply could be:
'Because it was he, because it was I'. - Michel de Montaigne
The supreme happiness of life consists in the conviction that one
is loved; loved for one's own sake--let us say rather, loved in
spite of one's self; this conviction the blind man possesses.
To be served in distress is to be caressed. Does he lack anything?
No. One does not lose the sight when one has love. And what love!
A love wholly constituted of virtue! There is no blindness where
there is certainty. Soul seeks soul, gropingly, and finds it.
And this soul, found and tested, is a woman. A hand sustains you;
it is hers: a mouth lightly touches your brow; it is her mouth:
you hear a breath very near you; it is hers. To have everything
of her, from her worship to her pity, never to be left, to have
that sweet weakness aiding you, to lean upon that immovable reed,
to touch Providence with one's hands, and to be able to take
it in one's arms,--God made tangible,--what bliss! The heart,
that obscure, celestial flower, undergoes a mysterious blossoming.
One would not exchange that shadow for all brightness!
The angel soul is there, uninterruptedly there; if she departs,
it is but to return again; she vanishes like a dream, and reappears
like reality. One feels warmth approaching, and behold! she is there.
One overflows with serenity, with gayety, with ecstasy; one is a
radiance amid the night. And there are a thousand little cares.
Nothings, which are enormous in that void. The most ineffable
accents of the feminine voice employed to lull you, and supplying
the vanished universe to you. One is caressed with the soul.
One sees nothing, but one feels that one is adored. It is a paradise
of shadows.
-Victor Hugo from Les Miserables (My favorite part in the whole book)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Swept Away
I never had anything happen so fast
I took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show
'Cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart
When it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you
I was swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
And so it begins
This journey of love
The summer wind carries us
To places all our own
The words of a look
The language of touch
The way that you want me means so much
And I never wanted anything more than to love you
I am swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away - seeing my tomorrows in your eyes
I was swept away
I hope I wake up soon
I'm a victim of that crazy moon
The very first time you said my name
I knew it would never sound the same
Something about me is changed forever
Can't you see that I'm swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away - seeing my tomorrows in your eyes
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
We were swept away
Dreamin' of you, swept away
Swept Away - Paolo Santos
I took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show
'Cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart
When it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you
I was swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
And so it begins
This journey of love
The summer wind carries us
To places all our own
The words of a look
The language of touch
The way that you want me means so much
And I never wanted anything more than to love you
I am swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away - seeing my tomorrows in your eyes
I was swept away
I hope I wake up soon
I'm a victim of that crazy moon
The very first time you said my name
I knew it would never sound the same
Something about me is changed forever
Can't you see that I'm swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away - seeing my tomorrows in your eyes
Gotta find a way to make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
We were swept away
Dreamin' of you, swept away
Swept Away - Paolo Santos
Chasing Dreams
Written June 10, 2004 :
I have always wanted to become a newscaster but I took up Computer Science. I was afraid I might end up jobless after I graduate so I took up a course that seemed to be in demand in 1997. I thought, if I really wanted to be a newscaster, I can still be a newscaster even if I took up Computer Science.
I did not find my course easy but I managed somehow and was able to snatch an honorable mention in the end. You would think after I graduate I would go after my dream, that was what I thought too but no, I stayed in my comfort zone teaching college students. It’s fun. I enjoy it but there is a missing part of me, it has stayed locked in my heart where my deepest desire was. I still wanted to newscast.
Time and again, there would be advertisements calling for newscasters but I will never even try to pass my resume. I saw auditions as a tiresome process to achieve masochistic pleasure. A window of opportunity for people to reject and hurt you. All these changed after reading The Alchemist. I have a dream and I must run after it, it was all that I could think of after reading it. I became restless. I have only a few years on earth and I am not spending these years wandering about, thinking what might have been.
I auditioned for a newscaster position at Wazzup Wazzup. It’s a crazy news show. I met a lot of people there, some of whom I still communicate with. I felt closer to some of them than I did to some people I have spent years with. We all had common dreams and we were all there to see if we can make them come true. I passed the first and second screening but did not quite make it since they never called me. I was rejected. But I was not broken inside as I expected. I have never felt so complete and feisty at the same time.
Until the day of the audition, I have never been so starved yet full at the same time, exhausted yet energized, I have never felt so alive. I do not know yet the feeling of fulfilling my dream but what I am sure of is, my dream sure beats anything I have ever tried in my life.
I have always wanted to become a newscaster but I took up Computer Science. I was afraid I might end up jobless after I graduate so I took up a course that seemed to be in demand in 1997. I thought, if I really wanted to be a newscaster, I can still be a newscaster even if I took up Computer Science.
I did not find my course easy but I managed somehow and was able to snatch an honorable mention in the end. You would think after I graduate I would go after my dream, that was what I thought too but no, I stayed in my comfort zone teaching college students. It’s fun. I enjoy it but there is a missing part of me, it has stayed locked in my heart where my deepest desire was. I still wanted to newscast.
Time and again, there would be advertisements calling for newscasters but I will never even try to pass my resume. I saw auditions as a tiresome process to achieve masochistic pleasure. A window of opportunity for people to reject and hurt you. All these changed after reading The Alchemist. I have a dream and I must run after it, it was all that I could think of after reading it. I became restless. I have only a few years on earth and I am not spending these years wandering about, thinking what might have been.
I auditioned for a newscaster position at Wazzup Wazzup. It’s a crazy news show. I met a lot of people there, some of whom I still communicate with. I felt closer to some of them than I did to some people I have spent years with. We all had common dreams and we were all there to see if we can make them come true. I passed the first and second screening but did not quite make it since they never called me. I was rejected. But I was not broken inside as I expected. I have never felt so complete and feisty at the same time.
Until the day of the audition, I have never been so starved yet full at the same time, exhausted yet energized, I have never felt so alive. I do not know yet the feeling of fulfilling my dream but what I am sure of is, my dream sure beats anything I have ever tried in my life.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Yesterday
We saw Madagascar last Monday. It did prove to be funny hehe... "I like to move it, move it" kept playing in our heads!
Yesterday, I attended a board meeting with the DLSAA-CCS chapter. I hitched a ride with an officemate and *** was sweet enough to offer me a ride home. He picked me up. Again, he had to wait for hours to go there. I swear this person finds new ways to show me he loves every single day and I can only be grateful for having him in my life! While waiting for me a car backed up on his car, good thing his car's bumper only got a scratch that can be removed by rubbing. I admired him once again for still being his jolly self in spite of this. He does not sweat the small stuff hehe... :) One of the things that endeared him to me.
It's nice to have someone to be with, to belong to. I have forgotten how this felt like. Most of the things I feel right now, I think I'm feeling for the first time. What's nicer is that we can be mushy and still have fun! We can just cuddle up to each other and we can laugh our heads off too!
Yesterday, I attended a board meeting with the DLSAA-CCS chapter. I hitched a ride with an officemate and *** was sweet enough to offer me a ride home. He picked me up. Again, he had to wait for hours to go there. I swear this person finds new ways to show me he loves every single day and I can only be grateful for having him in my life! While waiting for me a car backed up on his car, good thing his car's bumper only got a scratch that can be removed by rubbing. I admired him once again for still being his jolly self in spite of this. He does not sweat the small stuff hehe... :) One of the things that endeared him to me.
It's nice to have someone to be with, to belong to. I have forgotten how this felt like. Most of the things I feel right now, I think I'm feeling for the first time. What's nicer is that we can be mushy and still have fun! We can just cuddle up to each other and we can laugh our heads off too!
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