Tuesday, March 22, 2005

What a waste...

I saw the movie Alfie tonight with ***. The movie scared me because the guy there was a player and somehow, whatever little trust was left for the male species was wiped out by that movie. I might need to watch Hitch again. But that's a fairy tale. Is there really someone out there? Or am I just fooling myself? I used to be fine. I used to get along just fine until I met ***. Now I am just a wreck. I can't seem to just stay put and not think about the hurt that will come after this. This was further aggravated by the movie.

I hate competition and right now I feel like I am competing with that girl from the States. I have no way of knowing what's up with them. If they communicate still... I have no idea. I don't know what's going on in his head. I know that is no business of mine. But do I not have the right to know if he's just really passing the time by talking to me or by staying up late for me? Is he just super nice? Or is it okay for me to expect?

Darn! Why am I expecting? Why am I waiting? I don't even know if I'm just forcing the attraction. I don't know. It's not like I'm closing the door to other possibilities... It's just that I have this feeling that we just might be compatible. I know... I always start this way when I like someone.

This entry is just plain stupid. Sorry, I'm just writing to clear my head and I can see that this is not helping at all. He's texting me on the side. Should I cut all forms of communication to find out if he'll miss me? I don't want him to think he did something wrong.

I feel bad too 'cause sometimes I feel I would have been better off had I not met this guy anymore. He had this girl and well, I had my life. Though he did help me and my ex of one year already to finally decide to part ways. He helped me keep that decision so I guess it was good that we met... I know I am rambling

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