Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Too Different

When the Lord asks you to put down something it's because he wants you to pick up something greater.

I agree. This comforted me years ago after a devastating break up. This same line comforted me when my recent ex hurt me. I found out that it's easier to get dumped than to dump someone. And this line just won't cut it.

We had almost three months of a relationship. It was okay but we fought a lot. I knew my set of values were different from his. My expectations simply were not met but I kept quiet because I wanted to make it work. Everytime we fought he drove me to my edge. One night he said that he thought of another girl as he kissed me. Okay. That was a bit more than my poor self can take. When I told him I felt exploited and abused he justified his actions by saying all guys do this. We argued some more. His conclusion? That we just break up.

The next morning he came to my door asking if I wanted him back. Crap no. I did not want to forgive him but it was Christmas so I did. Slowly, I found myself opening up to him again. Darn. We never got back together but almost everyone thought we were an item. He exerted more effort this time around. My family did not like him. And in spite his efforts we still argued a lot. A lot is an understatement.

A year later, I knew. We can never be. We are too different. But how do I break it to him without hurting him? A friend of mine said I have to be mean to be kind. I love him as a friend. He's fragile and if I can take all the hurt I am causing him right now, I will gladly embrace it.

I pray he'll be alright soon. It hurts me more to see him hurt. If only things were more simple.

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