Monday, August 07, 2006

Ponder - ain

It was raining hard as we waited in the car. The rain drops trickled on the windshield making rhythmic tapping sounds. The raindrops as it flows down the windshield like tears rolling down one's cheeks seem to hypnotize me, drawing me in.

He reclined his seat and then mine so I can rest my head on his chest as we waited for the rain to stop. I was in my nook . The place where I feel loved, warm and safe. Soft music was playing in the background in spite my insistence that he turn it off before he discharges his battery. Being the engineer that he was, he did not listen. The tapping of the rain against the body of his car and the steady beat of his heart, were music enough for me. It was as romantic as it can get, lovers stranded in a car in the middle of a flooded parking lot.

Gathering his thoughts, he asked me, "Remember when you told me that you fear that you might end up being ordered around by your husband?" Of course, to this I replied a resounding and definite yes. I grew up in a matriarchal household and I do not have plans of marrying and becoming an underdog in my own home.
Well, I thought I'd tell you that I don't want to be an underdog in my home too. I do not want to be "under" my wife. You know what I mean?". I asked him to define "under" but instead of formally defining it, he just told me I knew already. Yeah, maybe I have an inkling...

I know how he feels, he must be thinking I will not lift a finger when it comes to household chores. I have after all, said it a thousand times. I do not cook, I do not like cleaning the house, I do not like domestic chores. Sure, I said all these things but I did not really mean I will do not do these things at all. I had to end his suffering, so I told him, I do want to learn how to cook. More than anything, I want to be able to take care of him, love him and be a good wife to him and a good mother to his children. He need not worry about that as I do not need to worry about him ordering me around as he always assures me. Though, I did clarify that I will want him to wash the dishes if I cooked. :)

It was only during the moment that I was saying all these out loud that I really felt that burning desire to do all these things. I do yearn to take care of him. I look forward to cooking for him, waking him up in the morning, loving him. I look forward to that day when I can contribute to his dream of having a home. I do. As the rain poured outside the car, I came to the realization tHat I have found the man whom I do not mind to cook for or take care of. I have found the man whom I can truly say I love.

As it rained harder, we talked about what we dream of doing for each other one day and it just made my heart swell in gladness and gratitude.

After we poured our dreams out to each other, as if on cue, his phone vibrated. His friends were already in the restaurant. They have braved the rain. while silently, I worried about my five hour old shoes, he told me he was going to carry me so I would not have to worry about my shoes.

He carried me on his back as he held his umbrella. It was like one of those romantic Korean films except I could not keep myself from laughing and shrieking as we ran for the restaurant.

I got a little wet from the rain but I have never felt so warm in my life. Now who wouldn't want to take care of a man like him?

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