Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Passing of a Storm

"When I am weak then I am strong"

Paul said this in his letter to the Corinthians. I could not understand him better as I listened to this with my boyfriend beside me. We had a fight the night before. Not really a fight. More of me throwing a tantrum. I was depressed, I think I was PMS-ing and took it out on my poor, innocent boyfriend. I was bored to death yesterday and in retrospect, I now know that I shouldn't have been bored because I have so many productive things that I could have done but did not. Instead, I chose to sulk and feel bad and wish that my boyfriend was by my side. To clarify, we had a movie date last Thursday and another movie date last Friday. Still, I could not get enough of him and I wanted to see him yesterday but I did not tell him I wanted to see him. I did not want to admit to myself that I was being needy and clingy because I just don't want to be like that. Most of the time, I am not like that... well except when my hormones choose to wage a war against my sanity. Obviously, yesterday my sanity lost the war and kaboom my victim of a boyfriend had to deal with his crazy girlfriend. Thank goodness I have such an understanding and mature boyfriend, he talked some sense into me after three hours, maybe more. I was asking for a Sabbatical from the relationship because I was being too needy and clingy and to cure this, I need to detach myself from the object of my "addiction", I told him. This is how I became a non-softdrink drinker. I was getting so fat from all the softdrink I was taking so I stopped completely and I haven't taken a bottle for more than nine years now. I used to not eat fries too... but since he became my boyfriend, I occassionally give in but I still know my limits. I used to not eat chocolates too because I got so addicted to them too before. That is how I handle things. I get rid of bad habits by depriving myself. Call me an extremist, maybe I am. I was not asking for a breakup. I would never want that, I simply did not want to miss him so much that it hurt. I don't want to be too needy because that is just bad. Why am I being so clingy? Because a part of me is anticipating the work that he has to do next week. He will not be going home for five days for a system upgrade. He will be staying at a hotel with his officemates so that nobody will need to go home anymore. Everybody will be on duty all the time. In short, next week, he won't have much time for me and it hurt me that he did not even drop by last Saturday to see me when he knows he won't have time for me next week. I could not take it anymore, so I broke the silence and told him about how I felt.

Thus began our long and arduous task of resolving the matter. He spent hours convincing me that getting rid of him for one month will not solve the problem. He assured me that it will just make things worse. In retrospect, he might be correct. Here is what I suggested. We both take a sabbatical. I do my stuff for one month, alone. He does his stuff for one month alone. No calls, not text messages, no seeing each other for one month. Right now, I am grateful that he really held on last night. I am also grateful that he was able to talk some sense to me. I felt the Lord guiding us both last night. It was just a really bad episode of PMS. Today I am great. I am happy as I could ever be. Perhaps his calling me up before six in the morning helped. He called me up so we can jog at the oval in the Rizal Memorial Stadium. I was touched that he woke up really early so we can jog. It was my first time in the oval and it was really fun jogging there. My right foot hurts a bit as I type right now but it was really fun to be able to work out with my baby. We heard mass at the Shrine of Jesus, The Way, The Truth and The Life in Macapagal and then we walked to the Mall of Asia to eat at the Pancake House. I had my fill of French Toast and Country Sausages. He knows that's my comfort food whenever I am sad hehe...

Thank you for being strong during a weak time in our relationship. I thank the Lord for being there when I was misunderstanding you. I am glad that though I was being unreasonable, I am glad that with all the things said and done, we got out of this storm unscathed and our relationship still intact and stronger than ever. I want you to know that I am very grateful that I have you in my life. Never would I want to lose you. Thank you for having the patience to listen to my rants. You have no idea how much I appreciate you. Thank you for accepting me as I am. Please know that I will do my very best to not let that kind of episode ever get in our way again. I love you baby. Thank you for not losing your patience, thank you for not hurling hurtful words at me when you had every excuse to do so. Thanks for not screaming in my ear, for not hanging up on me. Thank you for holding on. Most importantly, thank you for letting me know how much this relationship means to you.

Though we had a tough storm the other night. I am glad we walked out of it still standing tall. Now I know there might be strong winds, and we may yield and bend every now and then, after the storm we will stand tall.

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