Nocturnal Musings

It's late at night and am cramming. Of course I want to blog.

Escapism is my thing.

Just saw a post of a friend and realized something. When you love somebody, it does not matter how you spend the most special day for as long as you are together.

Just a thought I want to remember. This would be a good barometer. You know for next time.

Crossing

I thank You dear Lord for helping me do very well in the task that was so new to me. I know that I could not have done it without Your help and without the help of the angels you have given me aka my team.

I learn everyday and I am blessed because I know You are the one making all this possible.

I pray that You may guide me as the time nears for me to make a very big decision.

Please guide my heart and mind that I may go to where I will bloom. Allow me to bloom where You have planted me. In the deepest recesses of my heart, I can feel that I am where You want me to be. Please let me be right. Please let me tell the people around me. May they understand me and my love continue to flow in my life regardless of my decision.

Please hold my hand as I cross the street. 

Thank You.

I need to do something new and it is out of my comfort zone.

I need Your help. There is no way I can go through this without You.

Thank You very much.

Before Midnight

I just saw Before Midnight and I was impressed by how great their marriage is. I was happy that they were able so show a nice semblance of what it is like to be married instead of overly romanticizing it. Delpy's character reminded me of my self.

A bit neurotic. Worried about a lot of things while just taking in so many things and keeping them to myself.

The character of Hawke was amazing as well. He was great in trying to make his case. He was not perfect, a bit judgmental and I was in awe of the tolerance Delpy had.

I guess, at the end of the day, if I ever get married again, if I see something like this, I will be okay.

This is what a marriage is all about. It's about laughing, talking fighting, walking out, coming back, walking away, getting fetched, loving and living and growing old together.

In spite all that has happened to me, I am still hopeful.

At least I have that.

In the meantime, I have to take a bath and have a great time... before midnight.

'Cause after that I have to sleep and then get my ass to work.

Here's to hoping that in between sleeping and working I will get to find my Hawke. :)

Spreading Wings, Wetting Feet

All my life I have not been too far away from my family. I did not want to work abroad because I did not want to be too far away from the warmth of my loved ones and from the comfort and convenience of home. Without going abroad, I am left on my own as my sister explores a new horizon. My mom has chosen to hold her hand as she wets her feet along a new shoreline.

I am sure things will be okay but it takes a bit of getting used to. This small box that we used to live in suddenly feels too big. The once too noisy place has now become deafeningly silent.

I just need to shake this off. I will learn to appreciate this newfound independence albeit forced. Things will work out just fine. I will learn and I will live.

New

After a really long time, I find the urge to type away again in front of my screen. So many things have changed. For instance, I am not typing away in front of the MacBook Pro that I have been so accustomed to seeing before me. Instead, I type away on a 17" Lenovo that can be upgraded to a 64MB memory. It's a server on my shoulder.

As I type, my newly digitally permed wet (I might add) hair hangs by my shoulders much to my annoyance. I have to take the good  with the bad. I am not so afraid to experiment anymore. Too old to care I guess.

As I type this, I can say that I am now free. I have finally seen the end of the tunnel. It's bittersweet. I see that I am now where I have dreamed to be but I have not thought beyond getting here. So I am here and yet so clueless as to what I should do next. I just know that I am grateful for being here.

As to where my next journey will take me, I leave that unto You.

I knew You were holding me all this time. Thank You for never letting go even at times when I felt I have wronged You immensely. Thank You.

I see life in a more different light. I hope to be worthy of this new chance. At love. At life.

I am blessed.

Owww -pportunity

I have not been attending to my dissertation because I do not have my equipment still. Argh!

I also have been busy with something else. I have been at it for some time now and it may be taking its toll on me.

I know You are carrying me in the palm of Your hands dear Lord.

Thank You very much.

Morrie

Reading Tuesdays with Morrie right now and I want to remember this:

Life is a lot of pulls back and forth. Things hurt you even though they should not. You take things for granted even though you know you should not. It's a wrestling match but love always wins.



Sent from my iPod