Last Sunday, I was able to hear simbang gabi 1. I did not sleep the entire night, I decided to wait for the simbang gabi of 4:30 am. Hmm... After that I went straight back to bed. Sad to say, after two early morning masses, I could not do it anymore. A lot of activities were slated for me that Monday, the third of the nine masses to be completed.
I have never completed all the nine masses, closest I got was six masses out of nine. I hope next year I'll get to finally complete it. I really want to. Not because I have a wish, I did not make any wish for all these years that I have been trying to complete them. I just really want to.
Also, last Sunday I got to go to Market! Market! with my boyfriend and my not-so-little sister. It was the first time in so many months that they got to spend some time together again. My sister's comfortable around him, I mean she laughs and jokes about and that's enough for me. My other two exes pissed her off, so much she won't even bother a slight smile. Kudos to my boyfriend a.k.a. Boyoyong hehe...
My sister who insists she's all grown up insisted that she go around the mall on her own. I had to make her call my mom so I know that it's okay to let her loose in the mall. Hmm... Apparently she is a bit grown up already. *sigh* She has grown up so fast.
She bought her classmates and friends some gifts while I also scouted for gifts for my brother and some friends. I'm still not done shopping, it's quite a shame really, I got so many gifts from friends and I did not give out a lot of gifts. I did not have much time with my teaching load at NCC.
Speaking of NCC is okay. I mean my students do their assignments. Sure they're late most of the time but we're doing good. We're still on schedule. Like we all have a choice, we really have to follow the syllabus or else... Time will not wait for us.
Anyway, after Market!Market! we dropped my sister off because she has believe it or not, her quarterly exams. She's doing okay in school even without studying much and she figured since she's in her senior year, she doesn't have to work her ass off. Why did I not figure that out then? She's so smart I tell you. :D Going back to my always-interrupted part of the story, I got to go to the Christmas Bazaar and I got myself some stuff. My boyfriend was able to buy gifts for his godchildren and officemates... Note to self, must buy gift for my inaanak within striking distance. I got to buy two bags! I also saw really cute Precious Moments dolls! I told my sister about it and she was telling me how she wants those dolls. Oh well... I thought she wouldn't appreciate them. Maybe we can go again some time before Christmas. We can ride the bus because I sure don't want to drive going there... super traffic. Or maybe we can go early during the day to avoid the hassle of playing Trip to Jerusalem with twenty cars.
My boyfriend and I decided we were just going to take a peek at the bazaar since I had so many things to check and record and he had to go home early so he can prepare for the following day and spend some time with his family too. Lo and behold, we spent three hours in the bazaar, maybe even more. I lost track of time.
After the bazaar, I felt kind of sad when I realized my boyfriend was sad because he was going to go home late again. I mean it wasn't my idea to go there that day. I already told him we did not have to go. I could have gone on my own anyway. That way he would not have to feel so bad that he was going home late again.
This made me re-evaluate things. Am I stealing too much of his time from his family? True, most of that week was spent outside of his home. Monday last week he came from a basketball game and picked me up. Tuesday, he was color coding and I figured maybe I could come around and pick him up this time around only to realize when I got there that he drove his father's car. We decided to have coffee instead, and this made him go home a lot later than he should, or probably intended. Wednesday, he picked me up again and I think we went to MOA to have some Starbucks stickers (remember my addiction, I don't go there to drink, I go there to acquire stickers)... or was it Blue Wave? Thursday I went to MOA to have dinner with co-faculty members. I got to drive someone else's car that night hehe... My palms were all so sweaty! But I pulled through! He met us there since he also needed to buy a gift bag for his Kris Kringle. He got home late again since I had some hot choco and he had coffee (guess where... ) and then Friday, he picked me up again from UP so he got home late again. Saturday, we went to MOA to meet someone and to buy some presents and then Sunday.
I guess he did really not see his family. Anyway I figured that so this week, I decided to let him go home early. :D That way, he get to spend time with his family and I get to spend time with my siblings and friends. A relationship after all is about growth and we grow through others too.
1 The simbang gabi is a Filipino tradition done nine days before Christmas. It begins December 16 and the last mass is December 25. According to our chaplain, the Misa de Gallo is an offering to Mama Mary. Most Filipinos believe that if you wish for something, and complete the nine masses, their wish will come true.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Friday, December 15, 2006
Sticker Crazy
I have gone down to the level of those who drink at Starbucks to get a freaking planner! I don't know... I just got sucked into the blackhole and now I have degenerated into void.
Thank you baby for loving me still and for holding on to my hand and getting sucked into nothingness. Thanks for gulping down more sugar and caffeine than you have to, or need or want just so I can have my @#$@$@% sticker. :)
I don't know what the sticker does to people but it has somehow motivated me to freaking drink unreasonably priced hot chocolate cups. It has even made me contemplate about drinking coffee. :D Blech... I thought about it until I felt my pulse rate increase, then I was reminded why I should steer clear of coffee.
I have gone sticker crazy so if you don't want your Starbucks receipt... I can use them. :)
Thank you baby for loving me still and for holding on to my hand and getting sucked into nothingness. Thanks for gulping down more sugar and caffeine than you have to, or need or want just so I can have my @#$@$@% sticker. :)
I don't know what the sticker does to people but it has somehow motivated me to freaking drink unreasonably priced hot chocolate cups. It has even made me contemplate about drinking coffee. :D Blech... I thought about it until I felt my pulse rate increase, then I was reminded why I should steer clear of coffee.
I have gone sticker crazy so if you don't want your Starbucks receipt... I can use them. :)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Driving Myself Crazy
I never thought I would miss driving soh much. I haven't driven in a long time since I live literally a few steps away from where I work. I missed being able to listen to my car radio, smiling and talking to myself. I know it's really weird but I do talk to myself while I am in the car. Thanks to the wireless devices I don't look so weird now as I did ten years ago. :)
It is so therapeutic to drive! It feels so great! At least I was thinking this ten minutes into driving going to UP.
After that thought, everything went downhill. Literally.
There was even this one car who had a bumber sticker that said, "Don't act stupid", there were little letters but I couldn't read them anymore. This car cut two lanes so he can turn right when he was in the lane for turning left! I can pretty much guess what the small letters say, "like me".
Driving in the Philippines can be so infuriating! I got to UP in less than 1 hour even with the bugger traffic at Quirino and a bit in Araneta Ave. It's around 30 minutes less than the travel time if I take the MRT. This is minus the stairs workout care of MRT and LRT and the sauna at the jeepney terminal.
Still if you ask me, I would take the LRT, MRT and jeep. It is soh much cheaper. It only costs me 44 Pesos to get to UP if I use public transportation. I don't know yet how much it costs to take my car. However, going home is another story. My mom is not comfortable with the idea of me taking a cab at 9pm. My boyfriend isn't happy with that either. In fact, he hates the idea so much so that even though he works in Makati, he bothers to pick me up. :) Thanks baby!
It is so therapeutic to drive! It feels so great! At least I was thinking this ten minutes into driving going to UP.
After that thought, everything went downhill. Literally.
There was even this one car who had a bumber sticker that said, "Don't act stupid", there were little letters but I couldn't read them anymore. This car cut two lanes so he can turn right when he was in the lane for turning left! I can pretty much guess what the small letters say, "like me".
Driving in the Philippines can be so infuriating! I got to UP in less than 1 hour even with the bugger traffic at Quirino and a bit in Araneta Ave. It's around 30 minutes less than the travel time if I take the MRT. This is minus the stairs workout care of MRT and LRT and the sauna at the jeepney terminal.
Still if you ask me, I would take the LRT, MRT and jeep. It is soh much cheaper. It only costs me 44 Pesos to get to UP if I use public transportation. I don't know yet how much it costs to take my car. However, going home is another story. My mom is not comfortable with the idea of me taking a cab at 9pm. My boyfriend isn't happy with that either. In fact, he hates the idea so much so that even though he works in Makati, he bothers to pick me up. :) Thanks baby!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Love on a Higher Level
My boyfriend loves me and I love him.
That alone should make me happy. Still I find my self finding faults in an almost perfect relationship. My boyfriend has surrounded me with so much love and yet I am searching for romance. I look for surprises like those he gave me in the past when we were still starting out.
Now that I think about it, he has not ceased surprising me. He surprises me by picking me up at UP without me telling him to. He just shows up every night to make sure I do not take a cab home. Still the knight in shining armor. He surprises me every time I pick a fight, he would always pick the words to use, fix what's wrong and patiently listen even when I refuse to speak a word. He surprises me whenever he is willing to give in to my requests and preferences. He surprises me in so many ways that I cannot enumerate all.
There was nothing wrong with him. It was me. I failed to see the romance in all the love he was pouring out on me. I am glad I have realized this before everything has gone.
As I was wondering and fumbling about this, I came across an e-mail of his that's almost a year old. It's a forwarded message but it's a really nice one. I don't normally post forwarded messages and most of the time I do not bother to read them but this might help you as it helped me.
This is my favorite part in the passage:
The whole passage is pasted below.
That alone should make me happy. Still I find my self finding faults in an almost perfect relationship. My boyfriend has surrounded me with so much love and yet I am searching for romance. I look for surprises like those he gave me in the past when we were still starting out.
Now that I think about it, he has not ceased surprising me. He surprises me by picking me up at UP without me telling him to. He just shows up every night to make sure I do not take a cab home. Still the knight in shining armor. He surprises me every time I pick a fight, he would always pick the words to use, fix what's wrong and patiently listen even when I refuse to speak a word. He surprises me whenever he is willing to give in to my requests and preferences. He surprises me in so many ways that I cannot enumerate all.
There was nothing wrong with him. It was me. I failed to see the romance in all the love he was pouring out on me. I am glad I have realized this before everything has gone.
As I was wondering and fumbling about this, I came across an e-mail of his that's almost a year old. It's a forwarded message but it's a really nice one. I don't normally post forwarded messages and most of the time I do not bother to read them but this might help you as it helped me.
This is my favorite part in the passage:
"That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments... "
The whole passage is pasted below.
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature,
and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to
admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before,
has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.
I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a
relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a
little girl yearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his
lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into
our
marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to
tell
him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything
in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted
cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even
express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody
said
it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have
started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if
you
can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want
a
flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that
picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by
listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with
his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table
near
the front door, that goes....
My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the
reasons further.."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and
you
cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I can help
to
restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to
rush
home to open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save
my
eyes to show you the way.
You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every
month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your
tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by
infantile
autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your
boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your
eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip
your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also
hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine
and
the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the
color of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more
than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and
as I conntinue on reading...
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied,
please
open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread
and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly
with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I
have decided to leave the flower alone...
That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of
excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in
between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never
been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form.. . flowers, and
romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the
relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's
our life... Love, not words win arguments...
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Through the Darkness, Let Us See Your Light
Last Sunday, I was at St. Luke's to visit my boyfriend's uncle. He has had Lung Cancer for four years now. He does not smoke, does not drink and yet he was struck by this fatal disease.
A few weeks ago a two-month old baby of a co-faculty vomited. Two days later the baby went into coma and died after a week. The baby was found to have aneurism caused by a congenital disorder.
A few months back, a friend of mine, after one year of marriage had a daughter. Two days after giving birth, his wife suffered a heart attack. She was a dancer and was healthy.
Another friend of mine gave birth a year ago. This year, the father of the baby died due to dengue.
I say a prayer for their souls. I also say a prayer for those they left behind. I say a prayer for myself, for my loved ones, that we may not have to experience such things. I do not think my faith is strong enough.
In times like this, I do not know what to say to them, so I just keep quiet hoping that somehow, they know that I am very sorry for their loss and that I know that there is nothing I can say that can lessen the pain in their hearts.
Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord
Let perpetual light shine upon them
May they rest in peace.
Amen.
I pray for those they have left behind that they may continue to be strong amidst this great trial they are facing. Keep them with you Lord that they may not go astray. Give them strength from day to day. May they feel your love through other people, through events of everyday. I raise them up to You Lord. I raise up to You my fears and anxieties. I raise up to You my loved ones that You may keep them healthy and away from harm and away from untoward accidents.
Thank You Lord for all the blessings, for the people around me and for all the love You give me through them everyday.
A few weeks ago a two-month old baby of a co-faculty vomited. Two days later the baby went into coma and died after a week. The baby was found to have aneurism caused by a congenital disorder.
A few months back, a friend of mine, after one year of marriage had a daughter. Two days after giving birth, his wife suffered a heart attack. She was a dancer and was healthy.
Another friend of mine gave birth a year ago. This year, the father of the baby died due to dengue.
I say a prayer for their souls. I also say a prayer for those they left behind. I say a prayer for myself, for my loved ones, that we may not have to experience such things. I do not think my faith is strong enough.
In times like this, I do not know what to say to them, so I just keep quiet hoping that somehow, they know that I am very sorry for their loss and that I know that there is nothing I can say that can lessen the pain in their hearts.
Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord
Let perpetual light shine upon them
May they rest in peace.
Amen.
I pray for those they have left behind that they may continue to be strong amidst this great trial they are facing. Keep them with you Lord that they may not go astray. Give them strength from day to day. May they feel your love through other people, through events of everyday. I raise them up to You Lord. I raise up to You my fears and anxieties. I raise up to You my loved ones that You may keep them healthy and away from harm and away from untoward accidents.
Thank You Lord for all the blessings, for the people around me and for all the love You give me through them everyday.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
A Series of Random Events
Still not finished with my report. I move in such a sluggish pace. I got distracted by the Magic Sing. I got to sing with my sister today. Now that is always fun!
I was supposed to go to Divisoria today with my friend but she had a sudden bout of high blood pressure. She got it earlier than usual. So instead of going to Divi, we went to her place instead so I can see my godchild who was unfortunately in a bad mood today due to his bad cold and cough. Poor thing. I hope he gets well soon.
After the visit, I got to go to a salon in our building's ground floor. For a long time now, I have been thinking of getting a hot oil. Yes. My hair has never tried it before. It was my first time today and I have to say it was rather lovely. :D It was cheap too. Well, I think. I got mine for five hundred which came with a foot spa, pedi, hair cut (I did not avail of this because I do not trust them yet, so far Propaganda is the only one I can entrust my hair style to since I have curly hair, I got a trim instead). I paid for an additional manicure. I did not like the manicure though, the woman was rushing and she got me so scared. No tip for her. The woman who took care of my hot oil treatment, blow dried my hair which is probably next to the suffering one can get from hell so big tip for her. It was my second time today for a foot spa and surprisingly, it tickled less this time. Anyway, I can't imagine how heavy my foot's weight was on the woman's thigh, plus I cannot imagine having to scrub other people's feet for a living so big tip for her too.
Over all, I will be coming back for the foot spa and the hot oil but no more manicure from that cruel lady. She did not even have customers waiting. Agh!
After the visit to the salon, I got to see my baby! He just got out of his bowling tournament where his team finished fourth out of so many teams! Hurray! We went to MOA to shop for Kris Kringle. I ended up at Terranova and since they had this sale adn there was this cute blouse for only 299. I just had to get it!
Might come back tomorrow for more finds. :)
So though my day did not work out quite as planned, I liked that I was able to still have fun. Maybe even more fun than I have hoped it would be.
I was supposed to go to Divisoria today with my friend but she had a sudden bout of high blood pressure. She got it earlier than usual. So instead of going to Divi, we went to her place instead so I can see my godchild who was unfortunately in a bad mood today due to his bad cold and cough. Poor thing. I hope he gets well soon.
After the visit, I got to go to a salon in our building's ground floor. For a long time now, I have been thinking of getting a hot oil. Yes. My hair has never tried it before. It was my first time today and I have to say it was rather lovely. :D It was cheap too. Well, I think. I got mine for five hundred which came with a foot spa, pedi, hair cut (I did not avail of this because I do not trust them yet, so far Propaganda is the only one I can entrust my hair style to since I have curly hair, I got a trim instead). I paid for an additional manicure. I did not like the manicure though, the woman was rushing and she got me so scared. No tip for her. The woman who took care of my hot oil treatment, blow dried my hair which is probably next to the suffering one can get from hell so big tip for her. It was my second time today for a foot spa and surprisingly, it tickled less this time. Anyway, I can't imagine how heavy my foot's weight was on the woman's thigh, plus I cannot imagine having to scrub other people's feet for a living so big tip for her too.
Over all, I will be coming back for the foot spa and the hot oil but no more manicure from that cruel lady. She did not even have customers waiting. Agh!
After the visit to the salon, I got to see my baby! He just got out of his bowling tournament where his team finished fourth out of so many teams! Hurray! We went to MOA to shop for Kris Kringle. I ended up at Terranova and since they had this sale adn there was this cute blouse for only 299. I just had to get it!
Might come back tomorrow for more finds. :)
So though my day did not work out quite as planned, I liked that I was able to still have fun. Maybe even more fun than I have hoped it would be.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Just Humming
It's 3 in the morning and I have just finished half of my repor on my PhD! My teacher sure was not kidding when he told us that the report this time around will be longer than the first. Whew!
I have been slaving away in front of my computer since 12 midnight because I got to spend half past nine til 12 midnight with my Prince Charming. No, we did not go to a ball, what I was wearing was far from a gown (a.k.a. flip-flops, shorts and a shirt) but my heart danced to the beating of our hearts. Holding his hand in mine, I felt everything was calm and certain as though midnight will never come.
It was an ordinary date and we're ordinary people but what we have is special and that's good enough for my heart to sing...
I thank the Lord for sending me a miracle that is you.
I have been slaving away in front of my computer since 12 midnight because I got to spend half past nine til 12 midnight with my Prince Charming. No, we did not go to a ball, what I was wearing was far from a gown (a.k.a. flip-flops, shorts and a shirt) but my heart danced to the beating of our hearts. Holding his hand in mine, I felt everything was calm and certain as though midnight will never come.
It was an ordinary date and we're ordinary people but what we have is special and that's good enough for my heart to sing...
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
So this is love, Mmmmmm
-So This is Love, Disney's Cinderella
I thank the Lord for sending me a miracle that is you.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Window Shopping
Lately, my boyfriend and I have been finding the Mall of Asia rather small. We have the shops memorized like the back of our hands already so we have decided to take our window shopping to the next level, the more literal sense. Only, we're not just shopping for windows now but the roof, door, walls, the entire thing! We have been checking out condos and houses lately.
So far, we have only gone to one site, since my schedule has been so hectic for the past few days. We visited Chateau Elysee just last Saturday. They have developed the clubhouse already, they have a 25m lap pool. The buildings are only 6-storey high and the place looks fairly nice. It reminds me of Saudi Arabia actually. Houses looked like that in Saudi.
The payment scheme I think was also fairly easy so my boyfriend and I were thinking if maybe we should have a unit reserved. We're planning on reserving two. Each is 20 square meters. We told ourselves, we'll think about it for a week.
When we were checking out the condo where I live with my siblings now, I was able to picture myself living here. I felt that it could be home. When I visited Chateau, I felt that same feeling but I also had a few concerns like some cracks that I saw, the road to the Chateau is rather narrow so it might be a source of traffic in the future. There will be 6 buildings there and if each unit will hava a car, I am sure the traffic in the morning won't be so good. The site though is very charming and yes, I can picture my own kids playing there. It's better than a condo because the kids will have a place where they can play.
Then of course, there's the thought of not having our own land. It's just after all a unit that we'll be getting. However, the place looks safer than an actual village, I think kids will love it better there than in an actual village. The kids can ride their bikes inside the compound. Hmm... Now where do they store the bike? I must raise that concern to my boyfriend.
I will pray about this so that we may make the right decision. It's exciting to look at houses with the man that you love. :) It's a glimpse of the future that we are going to share after all. This is better than shopping for clothes!
So far, we have only gone to one site, since my schedule has been so hectic for the past few days. We visited Chateau Elysee just last Saturday. They have developed the clubhouse already, they have a 25m lap pool. The buildings are only 6-storey high and the place looks fairly nice. It reminds me of Saudi Arabia actually. Houses looked like that in Saudi.
The payment scheme I think was also fairly easy so my boyfriend and I were thinking if maybe we should have a unit reserved. We're planning on reserving two. Each is 20 square meters. We told ourselves, we'll think about it for a week.
When we were checking out the condo where I live with my siblings now, I was able to picture myself living here. I felt that it could be home. When I visited Chateau, I felt that same feeling but I also had a few concerns like some cracks that I saw, the road to the Chateau is rather narrow so it might be a source of traffic in the future. There will be 6 buildings there and if each unit will hava a car, I am sure the traffic in the morning won't be so good. The site though is very charming and yes, I can picture my own kids playing there. It's better than a condo because the kids will have a place where they can play.
Then of course, there's the thought of not having our own land. It's just after all a unit that we'll be getting. However, the place looks safer than an actual village, I think kids will love it better there than in an actual village. The kids can ride their bikes inside the compound. Hmm... Now where do they store the bike? I must raise that concern to my boyfriend.
I will pray about this so that we may make the right decision. It's exciting to look at houses with the man that you love. :) It's a glimpse of the future that we are going to share after all. This is better than shopping for clothes!
A Humbling Experience
Last October 16, 2006, I embarked on a journey. I just jumped in without knowing the implications, cost and risk. I knew it will dramatically increase me market worth. It will make me versatile, allowing me more choices in terms of career. I had no idea what was to come.
I have agreed to take on the challenge of taking two semesters of Cisco Networking Associate training for instructors in two weeks. Now, I have taken one semester for a student before and on the third day of my training I got sick. Now, I have forgotten how hard it was that I got sick, all I remember is that I got sick and got better and passed the final exam and skills test. I thought I could pull the two semesters off with PhD reports and projects, teaching load, committee work in tow. I was able to pull off the first sem with some nice co-faculty members substituting for me and my boyfriend putting up with my tantrums and of course very little sleep. I loved what I was learning.
Come Sem 2. I knew I was drained of my energy already. I just wanted to get it over with. I still studied but half-heartedly this time around. I did not really love what I was doing anymore. The things I learned were just things I had to learn and nothing I really wanted. The skills tests were fine but the final exam was not. The day I took it, I was so dizzy and tired that I just wanted it to end but when it ended, the outcome was horrible!
It was a very humbling experience for me though. I had to study again, this time loving every word. It was hard for me to bounce back but I did not have much choice. I had to take it again in a few days. I had to read eleven chapters again. I was humbled and depressed. I only had God to look unto for guidance because I knew by this time, that no matter ho much I try to exhaust myself, I will not do well if not for his guidance.
My boyfriend was feeling helpless not knowing how to help me get through it. Worse part is, my first take was on the eve of our 18 months together. He tried to understand me, I know he did but it was something only I can help myself with.
A few days later, I took it again and with the help of the Lord and so many people praying for me, I got a really good grade. Whew! Now that's done, I'll be sure to read Semesters 3 and 4 ahead of time. I'll be sure to pray to the Lord for help and I'll be sure to love what I am learning because in the long run, it is really all that matters.
Thank you to all those who prayed for me, gave me pep talks, and were nice to me for the duration of my review.
Thank you baby for bearing all you had to while I was in distress. Thanks for patiently waiting until my schedule cleared again. I would not have bounced back if it weren't for you. I love you.
Last October 16, 2006, I embarked on a journey expecting to learn Cisco but I have learned so much more.
I have agreed to take on the challenge of taking two semesters of Cisco Networking Associate training for instructors in two weeks. Now, I have taken one semester for a student before and on the third day of my training I got sick. Now, I have forgotten how hard it was that I got sick, all I remember is that I got sick and got better and passed the final exam and skills test. I thought I could pull the two semesters off with PhD reports and projects, teaching load, committee work in tow. I was able to pull off the first sem with some nice co-faculty members substituting for me and my boyfriend putting up with my tantrums and of course very little sleep. I loved what I was learning.
Come Sem 2. I knew I was drained of my energy already. I just wanted to get it over with. I still studied but half-heartedly this time around. I did not really love what I was doing anymore. The things I learned were just things I had to learn and nothing I really wanted. The skills tests were fine but the final exam was not. The day I took it, I was so dizzy and tired that I just wanted it to end but when it ended, the outcome was horrible!
It was a very humbling experience for me though. I had to study again, this time loving every word. It was hard for me to bounce back but I did not have much choice. I had to take it again in a few days. I had to read eleven chapters again. I was humbled and depressed. I only had God to look unto for guidance because I knew by this time, that no matter ho much I try to exhaust myself, I will not do well if not for his guidance.
My boyfriend was feeling helpless not knowing how to help me get through it. Worse part is, my first take was on the eve of our 18 months together. He tried to understand me, I know he did but it was something only I can help myself with.
A few days later, I took it again and with the help of the Lord and so many people praying for me, I got a really good grade. Whew! Now that's done, I'll be sure to read Semesters 3 and 4 ahead of time. I'll be sure to pray to the Lord for help and I'll be sure to love what I am learning because in the long run, it is really all that matters.
Thank you to all those who prayed for me, gave me pep talks, and were nice to me for the duration of my review.
Thank you baby for bearing all you had to while I was in distress. Thanks for patiently waiting until my schedule cleared again. I would not have bounced back if it weren't for you. I love you.
Last October 16, 2006, I embarked on a journey expecting to learn Cisco but I have learned so much more.
Monday, September 25, 2006
When an Eagle Takes Its Flight
There are days when the height frightens me but you have a way of nudging me enough to take my flight. I have moments of self doubt but your faith in me overshadows anxiety. You make me believe I can do anything I want, that I can conquer the world. I sense your fear whenever I spread my wings to explore the horizon, to own all that I can, yet you never stand in the way. You let me wander to the unchartered, trusting that whenever I do, I shall always find my way back.
And I will always do.
For my heart murmurs your name and my soul longs for your warmth. My wings will take me not to greater heights if not for your love, if not for your trust. So let me soar above the blue canvas and let me do so for you. Let me paint my hopes and dreams and know that when I do fly it is because your love has taken me so high.
---
Thank you for the words you say, but more thanks for the words unsaid, the actions that spell out love in ways more than one. I am grateful for the things I see you do for me and more for those things I do not see. Thank you for the thoughts you share and for those you keep to yourself for now.
And I will always do.
For my heart murmurs your name and my soul longs for your warmth. My wings will take me not to greater heights if not for your love, if not for your trust. So let me soar above the blue canvas and let me do so for you. Let me paint my hopes and dreams and know that when I do fly it is because your love has taken me so high.
---
Thank you for the words you say, but more thanks for the words unsaid, the actions that spell out love in ways more than one. I am grateful for the things I see you do for me and more for those things I do not see. Thank you for the thoughts you share and for those you keep to yourself for now.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
It's Raining Blessings
The previous post was written September 8, 2006.
That was PMS talking. I just posted it because I thought it was kind of cute and besides, that might prove useful one day when I need to see a psychiatrist.
When it rains it pours.
I'm not just referring to the nightly downpours that we have.
I got my letter of permanency the other day. At long last! Along with the letter came so many blessings!
Of course, these will be a lot of work but I am already very excited.
I have enrolled Graph Theory this trimester and I don't know what will happen next. Hopefully, I will be able to do good in my subject and be able to deliver in my other activities. I hope I will not neglect swimming. I can see I have already neglected my Aikido. I hope to be able to come back soon. I miss it terribly. I am glad, I am back to swimming, stair climbing and crunches.
I cannot help but thank the Lord for all of the blessings that He is sending my way.
Thank You Lord.
It's raining blessings and I'm not complaining! :D
That was PMS talking. I just posted it because I thought it was kind of cute and besides, that might prove useful one day when I need to see a psychiatrist.
When it rains it pours.
I'm not just referring to the nightly downpours that we have.
I got my letter of permanency the other day. At long last! Along with the letter came so many blessings!
- I was invited to be a guest lecturer of systems analysis and design at NCC
- I was invited to be Software Engineering specialist of the SPIDER (Sweden's Program for Information Communication and Technology Development for Developing Regions)
- I was invited to become the Cisco QA for the Philippines
- I was invited to take CCNA for instructors
- I was invited to go to Palawan for the CIO conference of the Commission on Information Communication and Technology
- The partnership with an adjunct faculty from Monash University was approved
- My baby still loves me!
Of course, these will be a lot of work but I am already very excited.
I have enrolled Graph Theory this trimester and I don't know what will happen next. Hopefully, I will be able to do good in my subject and be able to deliver in my other activities. I hope I will not neglect swimming. I can see I have already neglected my Aikido. I hope to be able to come back soon. I miss it terribly. I am glad, I am back to swimming, stair climbing and crunches.
I cannot help but thank the Lord for all of the blessings that He is sending my way.
Thank You Lord.
It's raining blessings and I'm not complaining! :D
Missing the Beat
What do you do when you begin to question what is? Is it a reason to panic when doubt eats you up because you begin to wonder if everything that you have worked so hard for is beginning to fall apart?
I have always been the pragmatic one. I look ahead and I worry of what is to come. When I worry of what is out there, then I begin to doubt what is in the now. In the past, I have taken trips into the future, but lately, the loneliness in the struggle to paint a better picture of what is to be is taking its toll.
When finally, this was brought into the open. Gently, the cold fact revealed itself to me, I realized that I will just have to learn how to look past this because though we may be dancing to the same music, we were dancing in a different beat. While dancing in the same beat without stepping on the other's foot is already difficult, it gets harder when you are not in the same beat.
It is not my wish to stop dancing, nor do I pray to follow a different beat. I do not wish for another partner but I do pray for acceptance, that I may see beyond this and that we may eventually, without forcing ourselves find our feet one day move to a common beat, the beating of our hearts united as one.
I have always been the pragmatic one. I look ahead and I worry of what is to come. When I worry of what is out there, then I begin to doubt what is in the now. In the past, I have taken trips into the future, but lately, the loneliness in the struggle to paint a better picture of what is to be is taking its toll.
When finally, this was brought into the open. Gently, the cold fact revealed itself to me, I realized that I will just have to learn how to look past this because though we may be dancing to the same music, we were dancing in a different beat. While dancing in the same beat without stepping on the other's foot is already difficult, it gets harder when you are not in the same beat.
It is not my wish to stop dancing, nor do I pray to follow a different beat. I do not wish for another partner but I do pray for acceptance, that I may see beyond this and that we may eventually, without forcing ourselves find our feet one day move to a common beat, the beating of our hearts united as one.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Pains and Joys of a Term's End
Term break has begun officially last Thursday. It spans 11 days and currently I am on my 5th day of vacation. Well not really a vacation because I have so much to do. In fact, I have much to do, I decided to post my to do list. This way, if I am unable to do my tasks, I will have to face the embarassment of not being able to do all those that I promised to do on my blog. All these I have to do in, the remaining 6 days that I have. Oh my...
So much for a break. I'm counting my blessings though. I can't imagine how I'll manage all those if I had to teach as well.
Last term went well for me. I'm really blessed and I thank the Lord for that. Last term did not go so well for some of my students though. It was by choice if you ask me.
I had students who failed because they cheated in their project. How was I sure? They used servlets. These students were not taught how to use servlets. I taught them beans and jsp because servlets might be too complex for them given that their OOP foundation is very weak. To all those who graduated years ago, I am talking about a different specialization.
I knew they did not do it so I asked where in the program they call the doGet method. I knew they will not be able to answer that because they will not be ablt to find the explicit call in the program anywyhere. Eventually, (after draining me of my energy) they admitted that they cheated. You'd think it would end there. No. They were asking for a compromise. Wow... Talk about bargaining. I made it clear that they are in no position to ask for a compromise... Hello!!!
I asked them to write a letter admitting what they did. I did not tell the Discipline Office but I gave them a 0.0. A zero in the project is an automatic 0.0 since the project is 40% of their grade.
The did write me a letter which I got days later. They apologized but in their letter they stated, "... we believe we can prove that we have learned something in our subject. If indeed we did not meet the objectives of the course, we will gladly accept our punishment.." Aggh... How do you make these people realize that the objectives have nothing to do with their getting a 0.0. They cheated. In the handbook it clearly states that that merits a 0.0. Arg...
These students I remember to throw tantrums when they cannot run their Resin or their jsp files... I checked some programming assignments and found out that they also cheated in their homeworks and they have the gall to tell me they deserve to pass.
I did not want to look at their code anymore, until I got curious about an error that showed in the Resin window. I asked the students. I knew what was causing the error and I wanted them to realize where the error was coming from. Unfortunately, the student began to tell me things that were irrelevant, making it apparent that they did not do the project.
They later on admitted that they did not do the project. How stressful it was to fail these students. To think I have spent so much time trying to help them learn the concepts. One of these people came to me regularly, asking me things that were as basic as passing parameters and creating constructors. I have not been as disappointed with my students as I was this first term of this school year. Sometimes, I just want to say... what a waste.
On a lighter note, a student of mine in Personal Effectiveness (similar to ORIENT before) texted me, telling me that she failed. It touched me, that she asked me...
I am glad that she saw me as someone she can talk to. In the end, she realized that it's not yet too late and failing these subjects does not mean she is going to be a failure all her life. I told her of a friend I had who failed COMPRO and when she took it again, got a 4.0. I told her that this girl is now enjoying programming more than ever and is receiving a very high salary. I asked her to reevaluate her performance during 1st term. It may be, that there were things she should not have done but did or things she should have but did not.
I know where she is coming from and how in college, failing a course seems like the end of the world but it's not. I know so many who failed a subject or two or even more who have good jobs and are having fun. In the end, it's not the grades that will matter in college but what you learn that will. Of course, I do not tell my students this, this is strictly need to know basis because they might not take their studies seriously anymore.
So much for a break. I'm counting my blessings though. I can't imagine how I'll manage all those if I had to teach as well.
Last term went well for me. I'm really blessed and I thank the Lord for that. Last term did not go so well for some of my students though. It was by choice if you ask me.
I had students who failed because they cheated in their project. How was I sure? They used servlets. These students were not taught how to use servlets. I taught them beans and jsp because servlets might be too complex for them given that their OOP foundation is very weak. To all those who graduated years ago, I am talking about a different specialization.
I knew they did not do it so I asked where in the program they call the doGet method. I knew they will not be able to answer that because they will not be ablt to find the explicit call in the program anywyhere. Eventually, (after draining me of my energy) they admitted that they cheated. You'd think it would end there. No. They were asking for a compromise. Wow... Talk about bargaining. I made it clear that they are in no position to ask for a compromise... Hello!!!
I asked them to write a letter admitting what they did. I did not tell the Discipline Office but I gave them a 0.0. A zero in the project is an automatic 0.0 since the project is 40% of their grade.
The did write me a letter which I got days later. They apologized but in their letter they stated, "... we believe we can prove that we have learned something in our subject. If indeed we did not meet the objectives of the course, we will gladly accept our punishment.." Aggh... How do you make these people realize that the objectives have nothing to do with their getting a 0.0. They cheated. In the handbook it clearly states that that merits a 0.0. Arg...
These students I remember to throw tantrums when they cannot run their Resin or their jsp files... I checked some programming assignments and found out that they also cheated in their homeworks and they have the gall to tell me they deserve to pass.
I did not want to look at their code anymore, until I got curious about an error that showed in the Resin window. I asked the students. I knew what was causing the error and I wanted them to realize where the error was coming from. Unfortunately, the student began to tell me things that were irrelevant, making it apparent that they did not do the project.
They later on admitted that they did not do the project. How stressful it was to fail these students. To think I have spent so much time trying to help them learn the concepts. One of these people came to me regularly, asking me things that were as basic as passing parameters and creating constructors. I have not been as disappointed with my students as I was this first term of this school year. Sometimes, I just want to say... what a waste.
On a lighter note, a student of mine in Personal Effectiveness (similar to ORIENT before) texted me, telling me that she failed. It touched me, that she asked me...
Miss, I need your advice. Kasi I'm not sure if comsci should be my course. I'm really sad cause I failed compro and algtrig. At first I only thought that I would fail compro but I didn't expect to fail Algtrig. I used to believe in myself because my family and friends had high hopes and now I let them down. I act happy, I fooled them into thinking that it's okay. I'll do better next time but right now I don't think I can. The only think I can do well is to cheer people, make them feel better.
I am glad that she saw me as someone she can talk to. In the end, she realized that it's not yet too late and failing these subjects does not mean she is going to be a failure all her life. I told her of a friend I had who failed COMPRO and when she took it again, got a 4.0. I told her that this girl is now enjoying programming more than ever and is receiving a very high salary. I asked her to reevaluate her performance during 1st term. It may be, that there were things she should not have done but did or things she should have but did not.
I know where she is coming from and how in college, failing a course seems like the end of the world but it's not. I know so many who failed a subject or two or even more who have good jobs and are having fun. In the end, it's not the grades that will matter in college but what you learn that will. Of course, I do not tell my students this, this is strictly need to know basis because they might not take their studies seriously anymore.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Movies Move
Click
This film made me appreciate my job even more. I realize that I am living the life I want. No fastforwards, no need for rewinds and definitely, I find no interest to skip chapters of my life. I like the way it is going.
Sure, I might not have the most money or the most powerful position but I have clients who are younger than I am, smiles and laughs with me. I don't have to call them sir or ma'am and most of all, I do not have to suck up to them. It makes me happy when they get what they want. When I do get clients I do not like, I know I only have to bear with them for three months and then I would not have to deal with them again.
While the others need to go to work early and stay put until the end of the day, I can come to school later so long as my schedule permits. I can do what I want most of the time, provided I finish all my deliverables, hence I find time to attend to my Aikido, swimming, reading, DVD marathons, dating and so much more.
And so even if at times, people look down on my chosen profession, I just quietly count how blessed I am that I have this job. While so many search their whole life of something that can make them happy, I have found mine at an early age. I guess it's true what they say, teaching is addictive.
On a lighter note, my boyfriend and I were looking for Rob Schneider's cameo, as he always has one in all Happy Madison films starring Adam Sandler but to no avail. I found out later on that he's supposed to be Prince Habibi... The big nose definitely derailed us.
The Devil Wears Prada
I loved the outfits showcased in thsi film! I mean... Wow! Is there an opening to a fashion magazine post? Sign me up please!
Why is it that Hathaway always plays this person who is in need of a makeover? She always gets one, except in Brokeback Mountain where her character was beyond help. Her bare breasts still flashes somehow when I see her face. That flesh exposure was unnecesary and tasteless if I may say so.
This movie made me fear the industry even more. The politics and the brown-nosing is something I was not designed to do. It's against my principles. The signature bags, shoes and clothes had their appeal of course, but they're just not worth my precious sleep at night.
I enjoyed this film but I think the part reason why I was entertained aside from the glamour of the clothes and accessories is the little game my boyfriend and I were playing. He was waiting to gloat at the weakness of Hathaway's character, Andyin resisting a guy in the film and I, being the girl had to stick it out for Andy.
This is a good film. I wonder if the book will entertain me as much. Our library doesn't have it. Darn. I'll have to buy one if I want to read it. It can wait. I'm currently reading Pride and Prejudice. To sidetrack a bit, I have finally read Jane Austen's Persuasion and apart from it being a satire of the old customs in England before, I found it rather boring. Not as boring as Scarlet Letter, Austen tells the story in less words but I guess I was expecting more romance and found none. People in her era are so frigid. Pride and Prejudice is proving to be a more interesting read.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
I was not so happy with this film. Maybe the fact that I saw this after watching Meryl Streep has affected my judgement but really. Most of the jokes in this film moved around sex and flirting. I don't know why I expected more from this film to begin with.
At the end of the film, it's really just an empty flick with a cute title.
-----
My boyfriend and I like to binge on movies a lot. We find it therapeutic I guess. I love watching with my boyfriend, it gives me an excuse to snuggle up to him, not that I need an excuse hehe...
This film made me appreciate my job even more. I realize that I am living the life I want. No fastforwards, no need for rewinds and definitely, I find no interest to skip chapters of my life. I like the way it is going.
Sure, I might not have the most money or the most powerful position but I have clients who are younger than I am, smiles and laughs with me. I don't have to call them sir or ma'am and most of all, I do not have to suck up to them. It makes me happy when they get what they want. When I do get clients I do not like, I know I only have to bear with them for three months and then I would not have to deal with them again.
While the others need to go to work early and stay put until the end of the day, I can come to school later so long as my schedule permits. I can do what I want most of the time, provided I finish all my deliverables, hence I find time to attend to my Aikido, swimming, reading, DVD marathons, dating and so much more.
And so even if at times, people look down on my chosen profession, I just quietly count how blessed I am that I have this job. While so many search their whole life of something that can make them happy, I have found mine at an early age. I guess it's true what they say, teaching is addictive.
On a lighter note, my boyfriend and I were looking for Rob Schneider's cameo, as he always has one in all Happy Madison films starring Adam Sandler but to no avail. I found out later on that he's supposed to be Prince Habibi... The big nose definitely derailed us.
The Devil Wears Prada
I loved the outfits showcased in thsi film! I mean... Wow! Is there an opening to a fashion magazine post? Sign me up please!
Why is it that Hathaway always plays this person who is in need of a makeover? She always gets one, except in Brokeback Mountain where her character was beyond help. Her bare breasts still flashes somehow when I see her face. That flesh exposure was unnecesary and tasteless if I may say so.
This movie made me fear the industry even more. The politics and the brown-nosing is something I was not designed to do. It's against my principles. The signature bags, shoes and clothes had their appeal of course, but they're just not worth my precious sleep at night.
I enjoyed this film but I think the part reason why I was entertained aside from the glamour of the clothes and accessories is the little game my boyfriend and I were playing. He was waiting to gloat at the weakness of Hathaway's character, Andyin resisting a guy in the film and I, being the girl had to stick it out for Andy.
This is a good film. I wonder if the book will entertain me as much. Our library doesn't have it. Darn. I'll have to buy one if I want to read it. It can wait. I'm currently reading Pride and Prejudice. To sidetrack a bit, I have finally read Jane Austen's Persuasion and apart from it being a satire of the old customs in England before, I found it rather boring. Not as boring as Scarlet Letter, Austen tells the story in less words but I guess I was expecting more romance and found none. People in her era are so frigid. Pride and Prejudice is proving to be a more interesting read.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend
I was not so happy with this film. Maybe the fact that I saw this after watching Meryl Streep has affected my judgement but really. Most of the jokes in this film moved around sex and flirting. I don't know why I expected more from this film to begin with.
At the end of the film, it's really just an empty flick with a cute title.
-----
My boyfriend and I like to binge on movies a lot. We find it therapeutic I guess. I love watching with my boyfriend, it gives me an excuse to snuggle up to him, not that I need an excuse hehe...
Monday, August 07, 2006
Sukob
I saw Sukob with my boyfriend. I only wanted to spend time with him. Believe me, I'm not just trying to be conio when I tell you I did not have much interest in watching it. I was more excited to be with my baby who has been busy with work lately.
That was until after a few minutes into the film. After the first few minutes, the film had my full attention. It was like a rollercoaster ride and I should know because I have been on soh many rollercoasters! Dang it just kept on making me jump and shriek... I think I even waved my hands in the air out of sheer shock! My beau was probably blacking out already from all the screams I was belting out in his right ear.
It's a shocker film alright. I do not recommend the film to people with poor heart conditions... Really, the movie houses should have a warning sign outside. People with heart problems should not see the film.
It pretty much followed the formula of Feng Shui. The protagonist starts out as happy as can be and then she realizes she is cursed. The protagonist finds out that what she has and finds out about an antidote but then the antidote won't work. But wait... a few more popping-out-of-nowhere-watchamacallits, gory deaths and ugliest dead bodies later, the protagonist will realize there is a way to rid herself of the curse and just when you think everything is all better (of course all horror movies should have the "unexpected" ending) it's not.
When I put it that way, the movie seems formulaic... oh wait it is. It's almost not scary but add really good background music (which was really good by the way, well it's that or I am just jumpy), and Kris Aquino's skillful, mastered over the years since her Myrna Diones story, just the right pitch to make the hair on your back stand kind of shriek and it makes a frightening movie. Make sure you empty your bladder before watching this because you just might not be able to hold it in (No, I do not speak from experience.). It doesn't hurt to bring someone to hug too, it would be great if that someone smells good, has great biceps and oh so cuddly!
I enjoyed the film but I do not want to ever see it again. Ever.
That was until after a few minutes into the film. After the first few minutes, the film had my full attention. It was like a rollercoaster ride and I should know because I have been on soh many rollercoasters! Dang it just kept on making me jump and shriek... I think I even waved my hands in the air out of sheer shock! My beau was probably blacking out already from all the screams I was belting out in his right ear.
It's a shocker film alright. I do not recommend the film to people with poor heart conditions... Really, the movie houses should have a warning sign outside. People with heart problems should not see the film.
It pretty much followed the formula of Feng Shui. The protagonist starts out as happy as can be and then she realizes she is cursed. The protagonist finds out that what she has and finds out about an antidote but then the antidote won't work. But wait... a few more popping-out-of-nowhere-watchamacallits, gory deaths and ugliest dead bodies later, the protagonist will realize there is a way to rid herself of the curse and just when you think everything is all better (of course all horror movies should have the "unexpected" ending) it's not.
When I put it that way, the movie seems formulaic... oh wait it is. It's almost not scary but add really good background music (which was really good by the way, well it's that or I am just jumpy), and Kris Aquino's skillful, mastered over the years since her Myrna Diones story, just the right pitch to make the hair on your back stand kind of shriek and it makes a frightening movie. Make sure you empty your bladder before watching this because you just might not be able to hold it in (No, I do not speak from experience.). It doesn't hurt to bring someone to hug too, it would be great if that someone smells good, has great biceps and oh so cuddly!
I enjoyed the film but I do not want to ever see it again. Ever.
Ponder - ain
It was raining hard as we waited in the car. The rain drops trickled on the windshield making rhythmic tapping sounds. The raindrops as it flows down the windshield like tears rolling down one's cheeks seem to hypnotize me, drawing me in.
He reclined his seat and then mine so I can rest my head on his chest as we waited for the rain to stop. I was in my nook . The place where I feel loved, warm and safe. Soft music was playing in the background in spite my insistence that he turn it off before he discharges his battery. Being the engineer that he was, he did not listen. The tapping of the rain against the body of his car and the steady beat of his heart, were music enough for me. It was as romantic as it can get, lovers stranded in a car in the middle of a flooded parking lot.
Gathering his thoughts, he asked me, "Remember when you told me that you fear that you might end up being ordered around by your husband?" Of course, to this I replied a resounding and definite yes. I grew up in a matriarchal household and I do not have plans of marrying and becoming an underdog in my own home.
Well, I thought I'd tell you that I don't want to be an underdog in my home too. I do not want to be "under" my wife. You know what I mean?". I asked him to define "under" but instead of formally defining it, he just told me I knew already. Yeah, maybe I have an inkling...
I know how he feels, he must be thinking I will not lift a finger when it comes to household chores. I have after all, said it a thousand times. I do not cook, I do not like cleaning the house, I do not like domestic chores. Sure, I said all these things but I did not really mean I will do not do these things at all. I had to end his suffering, so I told him, I do want to learn how to cook. More than anything, I want to be able to take care of him, love him and be a good wife to him and a good mother to his children. He need not worry about that as I do not need to worry about him ordering me around as he always assures me. Though, I did clarify that I will want him to wash the dishes if I cooked. :)
It was only during the moment that I was saying all these out loud that I really felt that burning desire to do all these things. I do yearn to take care of him. I look forward to cooking for him, waking him up in the morning, loving him. I look forward to that day when I can contribute to his dream of having a home. I do. As the rain poured outside the car, I came to the realization tHat I have found the man whom I do not mind to cook for or take care of. I have found the man whom I can truly say I love.
As it rained harder, we talked about what we dream of doing for each other one day and it just made my heart swell in gladness and gratitude.
After we poured our dreams out to each other, as if on cue, his phone vibrated. His friends were already in the restaurant. They have braved the rain. while silently, I worried about my five hour old shoes, he told me he was going to carry me so I would not have to worry about my shoes.
He carried me on his back as he held his umbrella. It was like one of those romantic Korean films except I could not keep myself from laughing and shrieking as we ran for the restaurant.
I got a little wet from the rain but I have never felt so warm in my life. Now who wouldn't want to take care of a man like him?
He reclined his seat and then mine so I can rest my head on his chest as we waited for the rain to stop. I was in my nook . The place where I feel loved, warm and safe. Soft music was playing in the background in spite my insistence that he turn it off before he discharges his battery. Being the engineer that he was, he did not listen. The tapping of the rain against the body of his car and the steady beat of his heart, were music enough for me. It was as romantic as it can get, lovers stranded in a car in the middle of a flooded parking lot.
Gathering his thoughts, he asked me, "Remember when you told me that you fear that you might end up being ordered around by your husband?" Of course, to this I replied a resounding and definite yes. I grew up in a matriarchal household and I do not have plans of marrying and becoming an underdog in my own home.
Well, I thought I'd tell you that I don't want to be an underdog in my home too. I do not want to be "under" my wife. You know what I mean?". I asked him to define "under" but instead of formally defining it, he just told me I knew already. Yeah, maybe I have an inkling...
I know how he feels, he must be thinking I will not lift a finger when it comes to household chores. I have after all, said it a thousand times. I do not cook, I do not like cleaning the house, I do not like domestic chores. Sure, I said all these things but I did not really mean I will do not do these things at all. I had to end his suffering, so I told him, I do want to learn how to cook. More than anything, I want to be able to take care of him, love him and be a good wife to him and a good mother to his children. He need not worry about that as I do not need to worry about him ordering me around as he always assures me. Though, I did clarify that I will want him to wash the dishes if I cooked. :)
It was only during the moment that I was saying all these out loud that I really felt that burning desire to do all these things. I do yearn to take care of him. I look forward to cooking for him, waking him up in the morning, loving him. I look forward to that day when I can contribute to his dream of having a home. I do. As the rain poured outside the car, I came to the realization tHat I have found the man whom I do not mind to cook for or take care of. I have found the man whom I can truly say I love.
As it rained harder, we talked about what we dream of doing for each other one day and it just made my heart swell in gladness and gratitude.
After we poured our dreams out to each other, as if on cue, his phone vibrated. His friends were already in the restaurant. They have braved the rain. while silently, I worried about my five hour old shoes, he told me he was going to carry me so I would not have to worry about my shoes.
He carried me on his back as he held his umbrella. It was like one of those romantic Korean films except I could not keep myself from laughing and shrieking as we ran for the restaurant.
I got a little wet from the rain but I have never felt so warm in my life. Now who wouldn't want to take care of a man like him?
Monday, July 17, 2006
Car Trouble 101
Today, as we were entering the North Wing parking of SM Mall Of Asia, a car rammed us from the back thereby, causing several scratches in the fiber glass part of my brother's 2001 RAV4. Now I know that the damage can be ignored and I know that my brother would probably not have it repaired but how the accident happened is something I cannot turn a blind eye to. Let me expound. We were in line so we can get into the building while a black Honda car was trying to cut the line. My brother was already ahead of him but he was insistent in cutting the line. He should have braked already but did not and so, inevitably, he hit the left rear of our vehicle. My brother alighted the RAV4 a few seconds after we got rammed. The other driver who is in his early or late forties, am not sure, chose not to alight. He waited for my brother to knock on his window. I supposed he wanted to pretend that his car never touched our vehicle. He did not even want to check if damage has been done to his vehicle. When finally he alighted his car, he insisted that it was neither of us at fault. Another interpretation of what he was saying is that it was my brother's fault because his car backed up. Hello! My brother's car is automatic. This provoked me. Real bad.
If there is anything I hate the most, it's liars. I hate that he was lying to us, not admitting that he was in the wrong. That he really was cutting the line, which explains his very awkward position in traffic. He refused to accept logical reasoning and I was hopelessly trying to explain to him. I was really nearing hysterical. In retrospect, I regret the way I treated him. It was un-Christian of me. I am sorry but I am only human and very vulnerable to losing my patience. I do not have patience for people who like to pretend that there are no laws of Physics that we mere mortals have to follow whether we choose to or not. I hate having mimicked the way he spoke because I was getting frustrated that he seemed to not understand what I was saying. It was indeed racist of me to mimic his poor Filipino. I hate talking to foreigners who cannot speak fluent Filipino or fluent English. If you can't speak either language, get the hell out of our country. Okay, that was just inhospitable but I just do not like it that he is in our country and yet he has the balls to lie about what has transpired. After a few minutes of discussion, he finally admitted that it was his fault, if we really wanted it that way, he said. He was willing to pay for the damages for 500 bucks. What?! I do not think we can have it repaired for a measly 500 bucks. I explained to him that there is a Toyoto Manila Bay five minutes away from us and if he truly believes that the damage is not as big as we think it is then we can easily prove that by going to Toyota Manila Bay. He insisted that we go to a place that he knows that repairs car. I told him that we cannot possibly agree to that because that will just inconvenience us further. He was insisting that we do that. Seeing that this will not be settled any time soon. I asked one of the guards to call the police. We were lucky because the police got into the accident area soon and they saw that we were rammed from behind and so it was not our fault clearly. It was the other car's fault. He told us that if we cannot settle the matter then and there, we will go to the Task Enforcers Group Office to discuss the matter. There will have to be trials and it will be a long arduous process thus, inconveniencing both parties. We still argued some more until he still would not settle and so my brother and I decided to just go to the TEG office. Then he settled. He gave my brother 2000 bucks for the damages. I originally asked for 3000 bucks which was the estimate for the damages done on my friend's car similar to what we had. It took us several minutes to settle this. It was exhausting and I hated it.
We could have had a normal conversation if he only chose not to lie but I guess that's the reflex of anyone in the wrong, be defensive. I know I should have been more patient and more civil. I guess, my quick temper got the better of me, as it always does whenever I get into an accident. I feel bad about how I treated the man, especially since he was older than I was. I was being self-righteous and I am sorry for that. However, I also know that this experience would teach him better. I hope it will. I just do not like how he behaved in traffic and how he behaved after he inconvenienced someone. The least he could have been was to be apologetic but instead he pinned the blame on us. I was really shaking earlier, not because I was scared, but because I was so mad. I was angry that he has reached that age and he thought he could manipulate us and the events that have transpired. He thought he could really brainwash us into believing that we were in the wrong. Sorry mister, but that is no way to treat the youth of today. If you think that you are talking to clueless people, you're not. Next time, just admit you're wrong to save yourself from a long painful discussion. Next time, I will also learn to just call the police and be civil about it after all, I did not get anything out of it but a tanned skin and probably a couple of wrinkles.
Oh well... You live, you learn.
If there is anything I hate the most, it's liars. I hate that he was lying to us, not admitting that he was in the wrong. That he really was cutting the line, which explains his very awkward position in traffic. He refused to accept logical reasoning and I was hopelessly trying to explain to him. I was really nearing hysterical. In retrospect, I regret the way I treated him. It was un-Christian of me. I am sorry but I am only human and very vulnerable to losing my patience. I do not have patience for people who like to pretend that there are no laws of Physics that we mere mortals have to follow whether we choose to or not. I hate having mimicked the way he spoke because I was getting frustrated that he seemed to not understand what I was saying. It was indeed racist of me to mimic his poor Filipino. I hate talking to foreigners who cannot speak fluent Filipino or fluent English. If you can't speak either language, get the hell out of our country. Okay, that was just inhospitable but I just do not like it that he is in our country and yet he has the balls to lie about what has transpired. After a few minutes of discussion, he finally admitted that it was his fault, if we really wanted it that way, he said. He was willing to pay for the damages for 500 bucks. What?! I do not think we can have it repaired for a measly 500 bucks. I explained to him that there is a Toyoto Manila Bay five minutes away from us and if he truly believes that the damage is not as big as we think it is then we can easily prove that by going to Toyota Manila Bay. He insisted that we go to a place that he knows that repairs car. I told him that we cannot possibly agree to that because that will just inconvenience us further. He was insisting that we do that. Seeing that this will not be settled any time soon. I asked one of the guards to call the police. We were lucky because the police got into the accident area soon and they saw that we were rammed from behind and so it was not our fault clearly. It was the other car's fault. He told us that if we cannot settle the matter then and there, we will go to the Task Enforcers Group Office to discuss the matter. There will have to be trials and it will be a long arduous process thus, inconveniencing both parties. We still argued some more until he still would not settle and so my brother and I decided to just go to the TEG office. Then he settled. He gave my brother 2000 bucks for the damages. I originally asked for 3000 bucks which was the estimate for the damages done on my friend's car similar to what we had. It took us several minutes to settle this. It was exhausting and I hated it.
We could have had a normal conversation if he only chose not to lie but I guess that's the reflex of anyone in the wrong, be defensive. I know I should have been more patient and more civil. I guess, my quick temper got the better of me, as it always does whenever I get into an accident. I feel bad about how I treated the man, especially since he was older than I was. I was being self-righteous and I am sorry for that. However, I also know that this experience would teach him better. I hope it will. I just do not like how he behaved in traffic and how he behaved after he inconvenienced someone. The least he could have been was to be apologetic but instead he pinned the blame on us. I was really shaking earlier, not because I was scared, but because I was so mad. I was angry that he has reached that age and he thought he could manipulate us and the events that have transpired. He thought he could really brainwash us into believing that we were in the wrong. Sorry mister, but that is no way to treat the youth of today. If you think that you are talking to clueless people, you're not. Next time, just admit you're wrong to save yourself from a long painful discussion. Next time, I will also learn to just call the police and be civil about it after all, I did not get anything out of it but a tanned skin and probably a couple of wrinkles.
Oh well... You live, you learn.
Friday, July 14, 2006
If there were a pageant for procrastination, I'd be one of the contenders hehe... I just like to take things in my pace. No rush. The scenery is nice when you don't rush. Well... most of the time it is. It is currently 4:21 in the morning and I am yet to accomplish the things I had hoped I would today yet tomorrow is another day err... today is another day. Before I officially end yesterday, since I end the day by sleeping at the end of it -- oh just indulge me, just one more post.
For the simple things you do that makes ordinary days super, I want to thank you. Thanks for carrying my stuff when we walk around the mall.
For having my best interest at heart even when you have to overlook yours is something I cannot thank you for but I have it on my tab so I never forget I owe you. Did you know that you make me feel so beautiful when you gaze at me the way you do? If you did not, I want to thank you anyway.
For each time you have gone out of your way just so you can make me happy I want you to know I am grateful.
There are a million more things to thank you for like reaching for my hand when I need you to, or when you need to or for no reason at all gives me the assurance that you need me. For putting your arms around me, for always having a ready smile for me and for having the soothing tone always regardless of whatever mood I am in are all priceless.
I may not write everything down but I have everything in my heart. I just wanted to think of all these things before I went to bed so in case my mind forgets, I'll have this blog to look back to and when I do, I'll have gratitude in my heart.
For the simple things you do that makes ordinary days super, I want to thank you. Thanks for carrying my stuff when we walk around the mall.
For having my best interest at heart even when you have to overlook yours is something I cannot thank you for but I have it on my tab so I never forget I owe you. Did you know that you make me feel so beautiful when you gaze at me the way you do? If you did not, I want to thank you anyway.
For each time you have gone out of your way just so you can make me happy I want you to know I am grateful.
There are a million more things to thank you for like reaching for my hand when I need you to, or when you need to or for no reason at all gives me the assurance that you need me. For putting your arms around me, for always having a ready smile for me and for having the soothing tone always regardless of whatever mood I am in are all priceless.
I may not write everything down but I have everything in my heart. I just wanted to think of all these things before I went to bed so in case my mind forgets, I'll have this blog to look back to and when I do, I'll have gratitude in my heart.
Work In Progress
I just realized tonight that I have not been giving my best in my Aikido classes. I always come to class unprepared. I do not practice outside class time and most of all, I do not review my lessons. I have not even mastered my vocabulary. My teacher would say Japanese words and I am still clueless. I have become the type of student I do not like. If I were my own teacher which, figuratively, is true, I would scold me. As such, I resolve to study outside class. I would take down notes now, outside class though, I do not want to look like a nerd in our dojo. I don't understand why we're not encouraged to take down notes... I'm not kinesthetic... I'm visual!
I also noticed about myself, it takes me years to really apply something. Take for example skating. My mom enrolled me at a roller rink when I was four. I was not learning at all, I just kept on falling so I stopped my lessons. I was able to glide when I was nine- five years after my lesson. I learned how to swim when I was eleven. I had a ten-day learn-to-swim program. I was able to swim after but not as instructed. I only got to swim properly ten years later. I was enrolled to learn how to play the piano when I was five, I am still a work in progress but I can read notes better now than when I was five. It was only when I turned 17 that I actually showed interest in learning how to play. I was never interested in the piano when I was five. I was so bored then but I went because I thought I had to. I did not know how to dance, at least not until I was 19. I did not even know how to feel the beat and timing was very difficult for me. I'd like to think I can now dance better. I could not sing a single song from a videoke machine without someone guiding me back when I was 19... I'm still not the best singer there is but at least now I can sing on my own. :)
Maybe it will take me more than five years to be able to get good at Aikido but I know someday I'll get it. :)
Oh yeah, there is something I never did learn- volleyball but then again, who cares? :D
I also noticed about myself, it takes me years to really apply something. Take for example skating. My mom enrolled me at a roller rink when I was four. I was not learning at all, I just kept on falling so I stopped my lessons. I was able to glide when I was nine- five years after my lesson. I learned how to swim when I was eleven. I had a ten-day learn-to-swim program. I was able to swim after but not as instructed. I only got to swim properly ten years later. I was enrolled to learn how to play the piano when I was five, I am still a work in progress but I can read notes better now than when I was five. It was only when I turned 17 that I actually showed interest in learning how to play. I was never interested in the piano when I was five. I was so bored then but I went because I thought I had to. I did not know how to dance, at least not until I was 19. I did not even know how to feel the beat and timing was very difficult for me. I'd like to think I can now dance better. I could not sing a single song from a videoke machine without someone guiding me back when I was 19... I'm still not the best singer there is but at least now I can sing on my own. :)
Maybe it will take me more than five years to be able to get good at Aikido but I know someday I'll get it. :)
Oh yeah, there is something I never did learn- volleyball but then again, who cares? :D
If the Price i$ Right
Everybody has a price, what's yours? -Pirates of the Caribbean
In the world we live in, there are times when we are given a price for something. A comfortable life for your loved ones for the time you spend away from them. A good promotion for every year you spend working instead of living life. A low grade for every moment you spend having a good time instead of studying. The comfort in being in a familiar shore for the price of never knowing what is beyond the horizon. The list just goes on and on. It makes me wonder if, in paying the price, we do get what we have bargained for. Everything has a price, it just a matter of knowing what it really is worth.
Will the same apply to a person? Does everyone really have a price? Can we really exchange our very selves, our integrity, dignity, for a price? If so, what price is high enough?
I know it was just a movie, but, I like to get my money's worth by trying to digest what can be digested from a 150 PhP ticket.
In the world we live in, there are times when we are given a price for something. A comfortable life for your loved ones for the time you spend away from them. A good promotion for every year you spend working instead of living life. A low grade for every moment you spend having a good time instead of studying. The comfort in being in a familiar shore for the price of never knowing what is beyond the horizon. The list just goes on and on. It makes me wonder if, in paying the price, we do get what we have bargained for. Everything has a price, it just a matter of knowing what it really is worth.
Will the same apply to a person? Does everyone really have a price? Can we really exchange our very selves, our integrity, dignity, for a price? If so, what price is high enough?
I know it was just a movie, but, I like to get my money's worth by trying to digest what can be digested from a 150 PhP ticket.
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