Definitely, Maybe.

I just saw Definitely, Maybe tonight and it reinforced what I have written on my journal many, many years ago (I think it might have been a decade ago already). Love is not like an opportunity, it does not knock only once. Cheesy I know, and you may say I did not know any better. Back then, I was probably nineteen, never been in love, never had a boyfriend. Ironically though, I find that that girl had more wisdom than I do now. I was just too arrogant to read my old journals to realize how much the younger me made sense... I digress...

The movie reminds me that the door will open if you have the patience to count to thirty. Nothing in life is as we plan because otherwise it will be so boring and predictable. As they say, no matter how far down the wrong road you are, you can always turn back.

i think this is why I loved the movie, it was full of choices and while there were so many wrong turns, at the end of the day, there are still many more choices! *wahaha* Just kidding! The optimist inside me (which is not a huge chunk of me) thinks that it all worked out in the end. It just took some time but the most worthwhile of things are the most worthy of one's time.

I loved the movie... I do not think I will watch it again soon but it's definitely one of the movies I enjoy the most. Other films would be:
1. City of Angels *sigh*
2. Shakespeare In Love (This I can watch over and over and over)
3. Before Sunset (I find this overly romantic)
4. Definitely, Maybe
5. Legends of the Fall (And it's not just because of Brad Pitt)

Tall Order

No. I do not mean a coffee. :)

Yey! My order for a BDJ Planner is already being processed and it will be en route by tomorrow *woot*! They say the Starbucks planner looks nice this year and that it comes with coupons but it's such a hassle collecting stickers and it is bound to make me fat. Which reminds me I still have a 500 Php worth of GC to spend at Starbucks... Should I just use it to get a nice tumbler to leave at the lab? Hmm...

I have also not used my BDJ coupons. Shame... I still have buy 1 take 1 coupons. Maybe I should just give them away to my students who like to go to coffee shops. I will be hanging out at a coffee shop on Saturday since I will be driving my sister to one of her IT competitions and then straight to Trinoma for a classmate's blowout. Driving in that area makes me soh nervous! There are just way too many buses and trucks! Argh!!!

This morning, I have a nice problem of looking for RFID readers to buy! :) New toys for the lab! I just hope the company I emailed will reply very soon because I want them to tailor an RFID reader for me. :) Spoiled! :) We have the money... I want the reader to be as unobtrusive as possible.

I have already paid for my ticket to see Cats featuring our very own Lea Salonga who will be playing Grizabella! :) *woot!* I am soh excited! This won't be until July next year but I already am excited!

Speaking of tickets, last Sunday my sister and I purchased our tickets for Sweeney Todd as well *yehey!* I hope their adaptation is nice. I cannot wait for that as well but before that happens I have to finish a paper first. At least I have something to look forward to.

I just realized. This month I have spent sooh much! *thwaps self* I better stop this. *grin*

Psycho Babble

I ran again last Sunday and it was a great joy being able to run 5K all the way. I used to feel like my lungs are about to burst while running the 5K, but for the last two 5K runs I did wonderfully. I did not get tired enough to stop. In fact, I think I can run faster it's just that I am afraid that I might push my self too hard and then end up walking. :) Pacing, pacing is the key I tell my self.

I wonder how I did in the last run! I really hope I did better than my other runs! :)

I'm schleepy... I better go get some rest... Oh wait...

I have to get a separate charger for the iTouch so I do not have to leave my Mac plugged so I can charge it... I now have tons of games and I have one specific favorite! I also love that I was able to download a nice to-do list. I am enjoying the iCal very much as it syncs with my Mac's iCal automatically when I plug my iTouch into my Mac! It's soooh convenient. Hmm... which reminds me I have to spend the rest of the day at the lab tomorrow so I can work on a paper to be submitted. I hope the paper gets in. I am in need to get out of the country. :) My feet are itching to get on a plane *hahaha!*

Also, I finally paid for my BDJ planner today at the bank. I hope to get my BDJ planner within the week! Wow, a year has gone by... Hard to believe. I hope next year will be a great one for me.

Thank You Lord for this year. I know there are still things that I do not understand but I know Lord eventually things will unravel before me.

I was able to download a Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare on my iTouch and I am loving it! Shakespeare writes beautifully, he makes me gush like a teenage girl! I saw Shakespeare in love again the other day and just fell in love all over again! *sigh!* I remember seeing the copy of Romeo and Juliet at the library and I could not read the whole stanzas because they got chopped off, who knows how! Now I am very happy that I can read it from the iTouch! The book comes with a nice tool that scrolls automatically. So kewl!!!

I feel exhausted... I think I'm a-go rest now. :)

2012

I have just seen 2012.

I did not expect much intellectual stuff... At first it was okay because it had some discussions on solar flare which has been discussed to me before and I have seen an episode on the History Channel before on that but then things went downhill from there. Suddenly it felt like a cross between an Indiana Jones movie and a Rialto simulation. If you are looking for a thinking movie, this is not the movie for you. This movie is all about disaster eye candy.

I thought it was very dragging (perhaps my needing to pee in the middle of the film had much to do with this) and there were a lot of scenes that could have just been edited out. There were characters that did not really do much for the story nor the sympathy of the audience.

I do not think this movie will be great on DVD because the graphics and effects and sound will be better appreciated if seen on the big screen. The story on the other hand was really lousy, this beats all other disaster movies in terms of the lousiness of the story. :)

If I were to live until 2012 I wonder what I would want... hmm... This makes me think. :) How do I want to spend the rest of my life if the rest of my life is only until 2012?

I think I need more time to think about this but I would definitely want to spend the rest of my life happy that's for sure.

Pain Management

Blogging using iTouch so forgive me for some typos if thee there are any. My English teacher used to tell us that wrong grammar n in spoken E glisj English is forgivable but in writen written form it is abominable because you had the Luxury of time to proofread. Oh well...at least I remember what she said even though am too stubborn not to mention lazy.
When do you say ouch and when do you suck it in? Whe is it over reacting and when is it being assertive? I think I need to work on this skill. I do not know what is up ahead but am sure, when all one has is dignity one holds on to it tooth and nail.

Whew... soh many typographical errors! Shame... shame... :)

Happy Shalalala

I am very pleased with myself today. I guess all the endorphins from running 5K non-stop (Finally!) are still in my brain! I mean, really, I feel happy and alive! Another reason why I am probably very giddy is the very cute theme that my sister installed in my phone. Also, after running, I went home to watch the game of Pacquiao on a live telecast and saw the People's Champ win!!! *woot* If that is not enough to make me ecstatic, I drove to Greenhills after the fight and bought myself an iPod Touch! I know I said I was going to buy a Nano but then the difference of the Nano and the iTouch was just 2K. I went for the iTouch and I am super glad I did.

OMG, I am soh having fun using it!!! I can now use FB and Twitter anytime. I can check my email on the go and most of all I can listen to MJ's music anywhere. I have not brought it to the gym yet but I am psyched that I can watch videos while I am on the treadmill, stationary bike and the elliptical machine! *woot!*

I feel great! I should run more often, also I think my body clock has been reset and I think I am back to my normal sleeping habit thanks to the fun run yesterday. I actually slept before 1am last night much to the delight of those who care what time I sleep! *woot!*

I also have fun teaching these days! I hope this will keep on. In the meantime I have to get back to a paper that I really have to write.

*I'm so happy, oh so happy as happy can be!*

Another thing worth mentioning... I am planning to watch Cats featuring our very own Lea Salonga next year. This November, I will be seeing Sweeney Todd with my sister!

Surgery

Reminiscence abounds in my everyday environment. Just earlier I was staring at some of my knickknacks on my table and memories of good times came flooding in. I saw a figurine that once made me laugh until my back hurt because of the intensive "operation" it has undergone for it to be repaired. I looked at it this afternoon and without close scrutiny one would not be able to tell what it looked before the operation many years ago. The experience of the process of repairing that figurine is now more valuable to me than the figurine itself. What it now represents is now more than what it used to.

Like that figurine, I hope my process of recovery would become a pleasing memory that I will recount someday long after I have recovered. I hope to be able to repair myself, not alone, but with the help of many who care and it is also my fervent hope that I would seem as good as new after all this. In the end, I want to be a better person because of this and I would like to touch more lives because of this as well.

It's funny how the most trivial of things I overlook can send me messages from the past for my future.

Come Spring

I have two papers to write still and I have not started yet. I have a Psych paper (again!) that I have to write based on a really thick paper that I have not started reading yet. *argh!* But that is not what I want to write about tonight...

I just wonder what happened along the way. I thought I got things figured out. I thought things were actually all laid out in front of me. Things were just waiting to unravel for as long as I follow things to the dot. I think I have. Save for this one thing and now I find everything does not make sense at all.

I wonder if everyone goes through something like this or if this is unique to me. I know in my heart that I have tried my best to follow everything to the dot. Perhaps too rigidly that I seemed to have forced myself into a situation that I did not want to be in.

I trust still, that things still await to be unravelled in my life and that things will get better. I trust that this brief confusion is all what it is and finally, things will begin to make sense again. I trust that eventually, my slate will be clean again and I can start fresh.

Let me turn a new leaf. This winter has been too long and I long to see my first green leaf.

Dissertation Revisited

I finally have enough problems on my dissertation. Yes, this is actually good news! This took me a while because for a while now, I have not opened my dissertation file! :)

I revisited my file last night and just realized that it's actually fun to work on it. I hope that this will continue. Now, I have to dig up some of the articles that I have read and cite them in some parts of my document. Argh! I should have done that a looong time ago. What is wrong with me?!

Today was okay, for a very full day I still got to work on many things so I think I really am improving in terms of managing my day. Hopefully, tomorrow will be good again. Which reminds me, I have several defenses tomorrow. *yikes!* Really busy day tomorrow too!

I am loving our laboratory because I think I can actually do work there. I love that we have a big open space for work instead of my cramped cubicle in the faculty room. Also, the students who disturb me in the lab are those whose works are related to my research so it's still work related to my research. How cool is that?

Grateful

Things i am grateful for today:
1. Movie date with my mom and my sister. I love laughing with them!
2. VGA adapter for my MacBook Pro. It has been out of stock at MOA for soh long!
3. Window shopping! I now have a pleasant problem of choosing between iTouch and Nano.
4. Animo Run I think I will be running this Sunday.
5. Sunday Mass We were a bit late but I enjoyed every moment of the mass.

Overall, it was a great Sunday too! :)

Thank You Lord!

I feel You in my life every single day.

Saturday Rave!

I have said this before, and I will say this again... I love Saturdays!

I am very, very happy because today I was very productive. Of course this is relative but still. I am happy to say that I have finished reading Environment Psychology of McAndrew. I was able to get substantial material for my dissertation there. Also, I was able to get articles for the final paper that we are to submit in our Emotions Development class. My topic is not really on Emotional Development per se. It's a marriage between Environment Psychology and Emotional Development. I hope my batch of articles will get approved because it is going to be very relevant to my dissertation. I am gaining momentum again. :) Soh happy! I feel so fulfilled when I can work like this. I hope to be like this again next week.

It is soh hard to be productive when I am tempted to just sleep all day. I think I am done with sleeping too much it really is not good for me. I do not want to wile my time on Earth just sleeping in bed. I am missing out on too much. Like this afternoon, while taking a break I laughed so hard with my colleagues at our common area. It feels so great to share a good laugh with friends. Of course after the good laugh I found my way to my cubicle to work.

I am also soh into listening to music again. I have started with a fresh new iTunes and am beginning to populate it with songs I really enjoy. :) I also have created a new batch of play lists and am pondering on buying iPod Nano or iTouch. I am thinking I should just get a Nano because it is lighter and I think it's okay to drop that *hehe*. I am almost sure that I will drop iTouch if I get one. This is the same reason why, no matter how cute, I will not get an iPhone. It will not last a year, I will surely destroy it at some point. My trusty Nokia on the other hand has suffered and lived through all the imaginable tortures a cellphone can be subjected to save the water submersion because that would mean death I think. I have however, managed to get all the diodes wet and for a while I had to make do with a phone with no backlight *haha!*. I thought during that brief moment that seemed to me like an eternity that it has finally given up on me but to my pleasant surprise, it has not and it lives!!!

For the first time in weeks I am not cramming to finish an article because we do not have a class this coming Tuesday. I have to get a head start though for next, next week so I will be reading now, without pressure though and that spells the difference.

Gosh, I really enjoyed my Saturday! :)

Another bonus, one of my Cisco students inquired today if I am still teaching Cisco. I am not handling a class this term and they said they won't take Cisco unless I am the teacher... Aww... I love teaching. :)

100% Sulk

I am sorry to sound so sappy. I really tried to focus tonight to read Environmental Psychology but my mind kept on flying off to Michael Jackson. I feel like my twelve to sixteen year old self again, obsessing about him. Blame it on the idea that my sister got to see This Is It again this afternoon with her friends while I hit the gym and did some work. Okay, I am passing the blame, I am accountable for my own obsessive behavior.

I saw a lot of his videos on YouTube again, those with his kids and I feel bad for them because now they do not have a dad. MJ seemed to be a really nice dad to them. *sigh* He was a human being like all the rest of us why couldn't they treat him like that instead of a commodity that was sold and used. It is really, really sad that he was taken away so suddenly and so soon when he still had much to give.

Okay, his last few albums were not as good as the first ones, but even so, he had so much to give to his kids and to his loved ones and to those who were in need. He lost his childhood and somehow I do not think he ever got that back and now all over again, he has lost another childhood, that of his kids. *sigh* He did not get to experience that fully either.

I hope to be able to get over this and just move on. I want to slap myself back into reality. I should not even be this affected. *Arg!* Still ,I find that I am because a lot of my inspiration back when I was younger was drawn from his well of music, magic and madness.

I have lost a hero and there is no one to take his place. I am happy there are records and there are videos still, they remain constant reminders of what the world, what I, have lost.

Boo.

Wrestling in the Eyes of My Nine Year Old Self

I was just sharing to a friend how I used to watch World Wrestling Federation when I was nine. Wrestling was to me as Santa was to me and most kids. It was something I waited for every week and it was something that I thought was real. I remembered arguing with some of my friends because I was insisting that wrestling was real.

So now I wonder if wrestling screwed me over and made me think that people do not bleed when you hit them with chairs and baseball bats. I wonder if up to this day, I believe that the crowd cheering will make me stronger as it used to do for Hulk Hogan. I wonder if my subconscious still thinks these things...

Still, looking back, I would still want to watch wrestling because my most fun times that I got to spend with my dad was when we watched wrestling, Tom and Jerry and Woody Woodpecker while we ate popcorn my mom made. I love those times. In wrestling I learned that no matter what happens, you have to continue the fight. I learned that the human body can take more than we think it can. I learned that not everyone will play fair and that sometimes they will disappoint you. I learned that it is okay to face things alone because you can handle things.

I also learned that in life not all things that we see is real. Some things are just there for you to experience and enjoy and hopefully, it will help you build stronger relationships with those who matter, like your family.

It's All About Love, L-O-V-E

Was what MJ used to say during rehearsals... But I digress.

This made me cry. If you want to read the whole version of the article it's here.

Love Is Service
I dedicate my last story to all those living away from their loved ones today—Overseas Filipino Workers, Migrants, etc.
Many years ago, I met Alice, a Filipina teacher in Brunei.
She was my host and took care of me while I was there. When I woke up early one morning, I noticed that she was on the phone. But she wasn’t speaking.
She explained that it was her beautiful ritual of love to her husband. Years ago, her husband suffered a stroke and he became paralyzed. So she went to Brunei to work for the family.
And what was this ritual of love? Alice would wake up at 4 in the morning to call her husband. (This was before the days of cell phones and text messages.) But because they could not afford long distance calls, they agreed that the husband was not to answer the phone.
Instead, the husband would allow the phone to ring.
And ring.
And ring.
He would allow the love of Alice, symbolized by the ringing, to fill their house and to fill his heart.
For 8 years straight, Alice did this beautiful ritual without fail.
Until he finally passed away.
That’s what love is.
Not like feelings that come and go.
Not like moods that are here today and gone tomorrow.
Love is simply done, day in and day out.
Because it’s eternal.
Constant.
Faithful.
It was Mother Teresa who said, “Service is a fruit of love”.
If you love, you will serve.
Go now, and like Mother Teresa, dirty your hands.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez

iHope

I am going to vote for Noynoy because I think he is honest and I think we, now more than ever, need an honest man to rule. I want GMA out of Malacanang. I hope people will just vote for him so that the votes will not be divided. The votes will be harder to manipulate if the nation will decide to vote for Noynoy. I hope the automation works out but from the looks of it, things will get messed up. They are cramming and they have not started educating the public yet on how to vote. I hope they finish on time. I hope the academe will have enough time to check the machines and the program.

I hope.

Random Halloween Posts

Halloween was very interesting this year. I spent it in our empathic space with friends, we had pizza, chicharon, and all the other junk food plus a horror movie. The junk food was excellent hehe... One can never go wrong with chicharon from R. Lapid. Yum! The horror movie wreaked but that was okay because the company was great. I really had a great time eating and watching the movie! Until next Halloween everyone!

I saw This Is It again today but this time on IMAX. Of course the sound is better, the picture better and the talent as always will always be genius. I miss MJ and I keep on falling in love with him over and over. *sigh* The documentary is doing so well that they might even extend the number of weeks that it will be shown in the cinemas. What I cannot take though is that they are comparing This Is It with Miley Cyrus' concert movie *barf*. I am sorry but I am not a fan of Hannah Montana, blame it on the age... Even if I were, I do not think the King of Pop should be compared side by side a newbie teeny bopper. I take offense as a fan.

It's funny how people near you can sometimes seem so far away and how people so far from you can make you feel as though they are just right there next to you.

Why?

A student asked our BS group why we believe in God. She is not an atheist but sometimes she wonders why we believe when there are others who live their lives as they please and have no care about the Lord.

This question made me think. Why do I choose to believe in the Lord?

I choose to believe because choosing to believe is choosing to be saved, not for the afterlife but rather for this life, the one I am living now. My faith has saved me from the horrors of everyday life and I am not just talking about the many miracles I have witnessed happen in my life but rather the will to live that my faith gives me. My faith promises me that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, it tells me that the Lord will never forsake me and that He carries me in the Palm of His Hand. I know I am not perfect and I err on a regular basis but the Lord is always there to receive me with open arms. He knows me more than anyone in this world and He knows what my heart desires more than I do. At the end of the day, I believe because I need to believe to survive and because I need to know that I am loved with the greatest Love of all.

Before the session ended, I shared this song to them because this says why we have to believe in spite all the science there is. Even Einstein believed in the Lord. Even if quantum Physics is considered, one has to wonder why given all the probabilities, this version of the universe was created, one where lives can be nurtured, one that endlessly provides us with beauty and hope.

The following song is one of my favorite praise songs so far...

Redeemer


Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
and Who told the ocean you can only come this far?
and Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives:
Let all creations testify
Let this, life within me cry
I know my Redeemer lives, yeah.

The very same God that spins things in orbit
runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creations testify
Let this life within we cry
I know my Redeemer, He lives
To take away my shame
And He lives forever, I'll proclaim

That the payment for my sin
Was the precious life He gave
But now He's alive and
There's an empty grave.

And I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creations testify
Let this life within me cry
I know my Redeemer,

I know my Redeemer
I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
I know that I know that I know that I know that I know my redeemer lives
Because He lives I can face tomorrow
I Know I know
He lives He lives yeah, yeah I spoke with him this morning
He lives He lives, the tomb is empty,
He lives I gotta tell everybody

This Is It - My Experience

It was for me, ethereal. My toes are still barely touching the ground, my head is till in the clouds, my breathing still irregular and my heartbeat is still too fast.

All my senses still relishes the experience that was This Is It. The excitement and the thrill of it all was very difficult to contain, I wanted to scream and wave my arms wildly into the air but that was not the norm. I succeeded in repressing all the shriek but not for long.

It was what I have imagined and so much more. Tonight, I have witnessed what I have always believed in, the genius that was Michael Jackson. He moved with such cutting edge precision, embodying the music and the beat, you just see the rhythm flow through him like electricity to a conductor. He was not just a performer, he was a visionary, hearing and seeing things that other people cannot. He was a genius with a heart, a perfectionist who sought perfection not for fame but to give more of himself and his gift.

He just did not have room for mediocrity, he does not stop polishing until everything so blindingly sparkles underneath the spotlight. He is great and yet he is humble, open to novel ideas and concepts. He gives credit where credit is due and affirmation for work done with care and love. He was aware that he was the most essential component and yet he never forgot that that was only possible because of the other talents surrounding him. This video says everything that a person has to know about how to be the King of Pop. Humility, love, dedication and a truckload of talent.

The show was truly the masterpiece of many people whose lives will forever have the mark of Michael Jackson. They will never work as they did before meeting Michael because Michael showed devotion and dedication to his craft like no other. It makes me ask if these people realize how fortunate they were for having been able to spend the last few hours of Michael with them, to be able to witness the last few moonwalks, spins and jaw dropping choreography and vocals or if disappointment is eating them up because the show never got to London. I am sure Michael was disappointed to not be able to get the show on the road for the millions of fans awaiting his return to the spotlight. He was performing not just for himself but for the millions who drew inspiration from the magic that he created. His show was nothing short of an escape from reality. He literally transformed the stage, he was not just performing, he was speaking, opening his heart to share all that he has. I admit, his voice is not as powerful as before, yet no singer with so much power can sing like he does because he sings not just with his voice but with his heart. You just feel the passion that is overflowing when he sings, when he moves, when he shares his thoughts. I have been blessed to have seen the comet that is Michael that graces the heavens once in millions of years. I am fortunate to have been able to witness his very being in flesh some thirteen years ago, and even then, he has touched my life in so many ways, through his art, music and love for others.

HIs music will live on and his rhinestone-covered glove, his beaded socks and his penny loafers will always be reminders that once upon a time, a man stood under the spotlight, in front of a mic stand and gave all he had.

Miss Universe

The universe started in chaos and then from the chaos came order. All this order will one day end in chaos and the whole thing will just start all over again. This is the macrocosm of my existence.

I am in the process of chaos right now. Still, when all this chaos ends, a new universe will form. I hope to regain order in my life, I hope to regain happiness. I long for the day when all will move around their respective orbits and life will begin to surface again.

I used to think whenever I feel I have messed this life up that in a parallel universe out there, there's a version of me who is not messing up and is doing very well. I used to think that a lot... until now.

I have to stop wondering about other versions of the universe, I am going to be happy in this universe. I choose to be happy in this version of the universe.

Life's Like Stat

Finally done with my paper in my PhD class. This is just not going to end, I have a new batch to read again tonight. Argh! I think last weekend was more stressful because I had so many things to take care of, the technical report, the PhD paper, the exams and my sister's Stat exam. I really had to multitask. One minute I was thinking Psych another, I was thinking Stat. Thank goodness I had so much help in Stat and it was so fun too. The Psych paper paled in comparison unfortunately. I guess, at the end of the day, Math excites me more. I never thought I would say that in this lifetime.

A friend of mine asked me what I would do if for example he had three boxes with three balls of two possible colors rolling down. Two of them are black and one is white. I have to pick the box with the white ball to get the jackpot. He then opens one of the boxes and shows me that there's a black box inside, he asked me if I would change my mind. I thought okay, when I first picked there was 1/3 chance that I would get the white but 2/3 chance that I would get the black. When he opened one of the boxes then that would give me a 50% chance of getting the white or black. I was torn.

i initially had 2/3 chance of getting black so chances are, I probably picked the box with a black ball the first time I picked. There was a bigger chance that the ball inside the box I chose was black! So if he asks me to switch I should because I most probably picked the box with the black ball! How kewl is that?!

Wish he were my teacher in Stat, I bet it would have been awesome!

If I had known this years before, i swear I would have switched to the other box.